single parent wanting to adopt from abroad.

[slipslider]

I am a single person who wishes to adopt from South Africa. I have tried to find information online about adoption from this part of the world and have no idea about what the adoption process for this country entails let alone from another part of the world. Calls to local adoption agencies at present seem to be a little bit woolly about the process or any information I wish to find out. Any advice regarding this would be welcomed.

Joins Maryz in bafflement

She only said it was off to pick a country to want to adopt from, then say you don't know anything about it.

There are plenty of children in the UK who would love to be adopted. Look closer to home maybe?

grey, i didn't respond arsey to you? not sure why the bafflement.

savoy - I know the country well but not the adoption process - is that odd? Many people in the uk know this country well but not the adoption process - everyone has to start somewhere!

t0lk13n - you are so very true but none of those kids deserve a parent like me.

Oh my goodness are you a wind up? None of "these" children deserve a parent like me wtf! I think you should stick with being a pompous arse of a teacher. Seriously.

Moving on from arguments, because it's usually so lovely and supportive here

Slip, you mentionned having phoned several agencies, so you may have found them already, but have you approached OASIS or the IAC? They have good advice on intercountry adoption, and if they can't help you with the South Africa bit, they can certainly tell you all about the UK side of it, the homestudy etc

I don't actually know much about SA, but I don't believe there are any adoptions taking place between the UK and SA. A quick search brought up a page saying that the D of E were only approving relative adoptions, and that there hadn't been the necessary review yet to approve any others. The review was supposed to happen 2010, but hadn't happened by 2011 either. You could approach the D of E and ask them whether you can adopt from SA maybe?

I think if you are allowed, you should be prepared to be quite alone in doing so I'm afraid- this doesn't seem an option for anyone who thinks they would need hand-holding or lots of help, because there is so little information. You would be finding out all the information by yourself, without any previous adopters to tell you what you need to do and when.So nothing like the domestic process where it's very clear what happens and when. Bearing in mind how stressful adoption can be, are you happy to be very on your own with the process in South Africa? Happy to approach organisations alone and deal with them? Happy for the process to take quite a while, because countries which barely process any international adoptions rarely have people with experience, so the process can take much longer because no one is 100% sure of what they're doing the first few times around.

Also, this is purely out of interest, but if South Africa does not work out are you interested in domestic adoption or other countries?

Sorry I can't help any more. Good luck

t0lk13n - you are so very true but none of those kids deserve a parent like me.

slip
whatever do you mean by this?

I don't see what is so terrible about wanting to adopt from a particular country. She goes to South Africa every year, she has seen the poverty in which many dc grow up and has been moved to help charities and orphanages there. It has been a long held desire of hers to adopt a dc from there but it has only recently been something she feels financially able to do, so she is trying to find out how to go about it now that she feels it is actually possible. After a qucik google I had the impression there is not a wealth of information out there on adopting from South Africa - possibly because it is very difficult.

I think if you know the country well, travel there often and the dc will have a chance to travel with you and know where s/he came from, keep in touch with his/her roots, that is a great thing. I see no reason from your posts why you would not be a good mother to an adoptive dc.

I hope it is possible for you but I don't know anything about it. If you regularly support orphanages there, maybe you know people who could point you in the right direction in South Africa to finding out a bit more about it. You could also pay someone in South Africa to investigate on your behalf whether and how it would be possible.

As lilka suggest, you need to Join oasis and get their advice. AKAIK there are no non relative afoptions from south africa into the uk

There were a few adoptions from ethiopia into the uk but there are have been significant delays and the procedures for single afopters are being reviewed

overseas adotion is very difficlut at the moment, especially for single afopters, as many countries are closed to them or have a very low quota system. The Uk authorities also make it veru difficult for anyoone to afopt from abroad, basically they dont want any foreign kids ( and i suspect any black kids) adopted here. Further, there is a lot of resentment towards afopters here, you have alreday encountererd the " why dont you afopt a british kids then? " attitude. I have never EVER heard this said by anyone who has, in fact, adopted a " needy child" here. You will need to get used to perfect starngers queationing your motives in a way they woudl never do to biological parents.

If you are convincwd that adopting a child from south africa is for you, then you could go to live there and adopt a child through the legal channels there. Assuming they allow non citizenz to afopt. Once that child has lived with you in SA for two years, you woudl be eliigble to apply for an entry visa for the Uk so you coudl return to live here as a family. I assume that in due course you coudl apply for citizenship. But you woudl need to get legal advice on all this.

You woudl also need ro work out what woudl happen to the child when you retunred on holiday to the uk to visit your elderly paremst.

Good luck

Oops x posted with mary. Must learn to type faster

Maryz I do believe I was told earlier that I should rethink as I wasn't suitable or mature enough to be a parent so clearly some people think that! I didn't want to cause an argument by challenging it again so I just cried at my screen instead of getting arsey!! Take it that is the better way to do things around here? And that comment loflo was a 'pisstake' given the way some act more like their children than adults. pompous not....just tried acting like an adult but it seems I need to come down to others levels and so i thought i would act a bit more like them! ha...sarcasm is difficult to put across in writing! lol

Thank you zzen, mary and kristina...some helpful words of advice. i understand that ppl will question motives about adopting but didn't realise that ppl would be so resentful about not adopting from this country...it seems there will be a lot of barriers in my way and not everyone will be happy for me to go down this route but such is life - it would prob be more acceptable if i used a donor or surrogate but I relish a challenge.

Lilka - I live my life on my own, i am very independent and strongly so, I am going down this route as I don't want a man in my life as I am disinterested in them and enjoy life being on my own...I have a strong, large family in SA and so the support at that end would also be there!

Support is great, SS always want to see a strong support network, wherever you are adopting from. I just know that I personally needed to know what was happening when in the process - like, what form to fill in, then who would be doing this, the timeline for court, who would be handling what paperwork etc. I am defiintely a strong single woman, but I wouldn't have been able to go into a process not knowing what would happen. Kudos if you can do that, and obviously having family over there will be very beneficial to you.

Unfortunately, a thick skin must be developed because the process you go through and then your children somehow become public property You will probably field all questions from why not British children, to why not Ethiopia, to the horrible 'give me your childs backstory because I love salacious gossip' questions and on and on. Developing good comebacks can be useful!

Ha i can give plenty comebacks like if someone wants to know about my child's backstory i will ask the same about theirs...if they say they have no backstory coz they were born to me, i will suggest what about conception..i want to know the ins and outs (pardon the pun)! n if they suggest it is personal, then i will just say - likewise! lol! i can just imagine the questions, i have had plenty already regarding why i even want to go down this route, how could i really love a child that is not biologically mine and am i copping out on the whole pregnancy thing! i just asked the same questions about their children - why have your own child when there are so many already who need loving parents?? etc

i could have quite a lot of fun with these to be honest!

Why take a child out of their own culture? because there is no possibility of their finding a family to live with there and the Hague Convention gives every child the right to a family life

How about looking at ways to support orphanages there?

Excellent idea. Not sure what that has to do with adoption though

i could have quite a lot of fun with these to be honest! - yes you can - until your child is stood next to you listening to these comments. It isn't at all fun then.

Anyway - sitting on my hands and not commenting further, your best best is to speak to the Inter country adoption centre in Barnet (They have a helpline if you google them).

This is the contact page for the central authority for adoptions in South Africa- they can tell you the process of adopting if you are resident www.hcch.net/index_en.php?act=authorities.details&aid=238. As others have said, adoption into the UK from South Africa is not currently possible except for kinship adoptions.

Thank you kewcumber for that link. Just been out for tea with a friend who is expecting and its so exciting, it'll be me in time if it all works out.

Can I ask a question? It might be a question an adoption agency would ask ask so a clear answer needs to be thought through (no opinion will follow only what I know) why specifically from Africa or maybe a better question would be why not a child from this country? Sounds like with your experience that you would be sought after.

As for advice I think the process is with adopting from abroad that you have to go through the same process as anyone adopting from this country then at approval to adopt you approach adoption agencies that deal specifically with other countries. I remember on our prep course that there was a couple that were intending to adopt from somewhere in the far east (can't remember where) so I am pretty certain that is the route you have to take.

I do remember somebody telling me that you cannot adopt children from Cambodia (that was a specific area), our government halted it because of child trafficking.

I think just bear in mind it might be more difficult to get support to adopt from abroad because of the amount of children that need adopting in this country, plus the post adoption support might not be as great should you need it.

Good luck whatever you decide.

www.adoptivemummy.co.uk

oops I think I just accidentally joined the why not adopt a british kid group but it was purely to play devils advocate, questions that probably would get asked!

Arggh this is haunting me now because I really didn't explain myself well! I don't want to be the one who stupidly asks why from abroad! what I should have added is that I might also have asked why specifically a girl or why specifically a two year old had your initial question been about something else, adoption agencies really want you to be as open-minded as possible and might ask if its not possible to adopt from SA would you consider a child from this country - and if not then they might question your specific requirements.

Skylark, I get what you mean!!

Thank god for that, I am such a div sometimes!

Hi slipslider I'm not an adopter yet, but am hopeful. We've looked in it a few times but for one reason or another it never worked out. I was very keen on China for a while as I have connections to Asia (all be it only slim ones). Sadly, we did not have the cash when we looked into it and a few years later the wait was too long (as I am quite older now!). We did talk to PACT
www.pactcharity.org/

They were at the time (I am sure) involved in UK and overseas adoption but they they are specific to Oxfordshire, reading etc. After quite a long time we are now looking at domestic adoption (and we have a child already). I can totally understand how one or other country can be very special to a person. My first experience of orphanages was Romania and it will probably stay with me forever.

I'm now quite excited about UK adoption but I feel that there is certainly a place for overseas adoption too.
So all best wishes with whatever works out for you.

PS you asked what an 'OP' was, I think, it is 'original poster' so refers back to the person who started a thread....

That's not reading it's 'Reading' the place!

People on here are always calling you odd if you're not the mainstream picket fence, dog called Rover, 2 bio white kids!!. I hope you get your dream Son or Daughter!! all the best!.