Hi Shiny,
I read your other thread too. I can give a basic idea of attachment, how it works and what AD is. There are some good books out there about attachment, many are geared towards parents whose children have attachment problems though. The Primal Wound might well be a slightly better fit for your situation, since it's geared toward people adopted as babies who later experience problems with attachment and trust, abandonment issues etc
Basically, attachments are lasting and close emotional relationships. Most people will form many in their life BUT they are formed in different ways, and all people have different ways of getting close to others and gettin their needs met. So people have what are called 'attachment styles' - the core way you form an attachment. They are
- Secure attachment style (someone who doesn't really have any problems forming and maintaining attachments)
The other three are all 'Insecure attachments' - people who, pretty much as it says on the tin, have problems developing attachments and maintaining them. There are three types (Avoidant, Ambivalent and Disorganised style) each a different pattern on behavior.
Avoidant - Self explanatory one - someone who pushes themself away from people, and doesn't seem worried when people stay well away, or doesn't respond to people trying to get close. Emotionally disengaged. (they usually do want close relationships, they just don't seem to want them, because they don't trust others enough to get in close)
Ambivalent - This person isn't disengaged. More the opposite - clingy and needing lots of attention, but even when they get that, they aren't secure. They fear seperation and need others - but might actually have problems getting close to someone in the first place. They need closeness, but don't trust anybody trying to get close.
Disorganised - Worst type, because there is no pattern at all! They tend to have more severe problems than others. It's a push-pull push-pull thing, ssometimes they cling, other times they shove you hard away from them, and sometimes behviour might be simply bizarre.
Anyway, those are styles. When someone says Disorder - that's much more serious. That's the point where someone has extreme difficulties forming attachments, or even can't make any at all. Many people have insecure attachments, and attachment issues (30% of population) - a disorder is different, because they can't even form the attachments to begin with
Your style gets ingrained by your experiences and you personality plays a part
A disorder (as opposed to just attachment issues) needs serious therapy. Actually, all attachment issues would be most impacted by therapy. But the window you have is really in childhood, with a parent. Once the brain has stopped developing and a person has been that way for so many years, it's hard to make any changes to something which forms such a core part of who you are.