Attachment Disorder

[OooohShiny]

Does anyone here have any experience of Attachment Disorder and can recommend any good websites/books that I can read?

A bit of background may help...My mother was adopted and I am almost certain she suffers from some form of AD...I need to understand how she is feeling, my own behaviour as a result of this and how I can attempt to fix our difficult relationship.

Any useful links/tips/advice would be greatly appreciated :)

Has your mother talked to you about her feelings specifically in relation to her adoption?

Has she traced/met her birth mother or other biological relatives?

What do you perceive as being the difficulties in your relationship?

Izzy, yes she has. In relation to her birth mother - she was always on the scene but in a very sideline way with little interest. Both her adoptive mother and birth mother were very difficult women and she suffered a lot of emotional abuse growing up.

My perception of the situation is that she needs to feel loved by her children and she says I don't show enough love, I'm cold and distant, don't like her etc. She wants to be my friend but my perception of what friends are does not match her expectations, I don't do enough, tell her/share with her enough personal things, go to her first when I have a problem etc.

I need to know what I need to do to meet her expectations because so far I've failed and I'm at the stage I don't know how much more/what different things I can do.

You might be better posting this in Adoptions, the ladies there are very knowledgeable!

But are her expectations reasonable or realistic? If she wants you to fill a yawning gap left by the fact that she wasn't properly mothered?you can't, no one could.
Do other people feel the same way about you? Do other people complain that you're cold and distant?
The problem isn't what you do, it's what she wants.
How old are you? Not every adult woman wants to go to her mother first when they have a problem and there's nothing wrong with that. If you were ten, she might have a point.
Has she had any therapy?

You could read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier.
I'm adopted and it made a huge amount of sense to me and explained some of my childhood/adult behaviours.
It's based on an instinct that another seperation will happen at any time therefore the adoptee is apt to push people away then blame them for being distant.
It may be helpful to you.
I hope you work it out with your Mum.

Thanks for your recommendation Isis - I'll have a look at that.

Weevils - Her expectations are reasonable and realistic to her and I suppose that's why I want to understand because I don't understand what more she wants from me.

No, other people don't really say the same things about me, most say that I'm warm, welcoming & friendly - I am a very private person though and I don't tend to share a huge amount of personal stuff unless I feel I need help with something but no-one else has ever said that is a problem.

I'm 40...and the first person I would go to if I wanted to discuss a problem would be my husband.

She has had roots counselling a very long time ago

I've also asked over on the adoptions board - thanks for suggesting that ChipMonkey :)

A great book is "They F* You Up" by Oliver James - one of the recommended texts in my psychotherapy course.

Thanks Conf...