Why is it NEVER an adoptive parent or child saying...

[Kewcumber]

..."you should adopt rather than have IVF".

And why does it wind me up?

Discuss.

I always tell people to adopt or to consider adoption as well as keep/ abort and I am adopted myself

Ah Cory but saying it OF people isn;t at all the same as saying it to THEM!

Ah damn it Kayano = you've ruined my theory...

It winds me up because people are assuming that adoption is the same as giving birth and it isnt.

Its not inferior but its not the same.

I find that the general public are still stuck in a 1950s world of adoption where they imagine newborns are handed over by decent but troubled young girls who want a better life for their babies.

I have never suffered the heartbreak of infertility and I would NEVER presume to tell someone what they should do about it.

People say it because they are thoughtless and stupid and believe the daily mail

Replying " thats an interetsimg comment! How many have you adopted ?" always shuts then up i find

It's pretty obvious I would have thought!
Kids that are avilable for adoption (except from birth) are typically already very damged. SS will move the earth to keep kids with their natural parents, despite the parents very considerable "shortcomings". . . Kids that are available for adoption are typically VERY damaged.

For those reasons if I was having problems conceiving naturally, and still wanted to be a parent, I would only use adoption as a absolute last resort. Bringing your own child up and bringing someone else's biological child up are COMPLETELY different experiences.

Are you speaking from experience, smiledotcom, or out of your backside?

Out of her backside IMO

We tried for years and I became so depressed that I was suicidal. I rang The Samaritans in a terrible state and was immediately told that I should adopt. I put the phone down. I have one DS now and I would consider fostering but health issues would mean I could not adopt.