In 5 days we'll know if we are able to adopt a little girl

[lettinggo]

I won't go thorugh all the process that's brought us this far, but we're 6 1/2 years in the process.

In 5 days time, on June 30th, we're going to find out if we will be able to adopt a little girl from Russia. She must be made available for domestic adoption until June 30th and after that will be able to be adopted internationally. She has some minor health issues, as far as we know nothing hugely serious, but apparantly Russians don't like to adopt children with health issues. She's been adoptable since she was 2 months old.

For the past month we've known about her and have been told that if she doesn't get adopted domestically, we will be allowed to adopt her. In my heart I know we should be hoping she gets to be adopted domestically because that would obviously be what is best for her but it's hard not to hope that it doesn't happen. I'm just not that good.

And now there's only 5 days to go and she's still there. I'm not at all religious, I certainly don't pray. But I remember years ago doing a novena (type of prayer service you do for 9 days where you pray for a specific thing) to St Francis Xavier and the words are rattling around in my head

"but if what I ask is not for the glory of God and the good of my soul,
I pray and desire that which is most conducive to both"

Might not make sense to anyone not Catholic but it's a comfort at the moment.
Sorry for the ramble. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on Thursday at 1pm (close of business in that part of Russia).

((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))s for you OP. Love reading your updates

[smug emoticon because I was right about the kefir and know about the compote]

Compote is a kind of apple juice in a way - common in winter due to lack of fresh fruit. They make it by boiling dried apples - the apples are eaten a bit like stewed apples and the remaining water is sweetened and drunk as an apple juice. It tastes quite nice from memory but I recall it had quite a bit of sugar in it.

DS will still at six only drink apple juice and water!

I just knew there was going to be a cosmic reason why I was stuck in kaz for endless months... it was for me to be smug and give you a helping hand!

if you have a room fridge check it out. Everything in mine was complimentary and they kept putting stuff in it. Eventually I used to take it in to the carers every morning.

O boy, Kew, you should write a book about your experience. You really went through a lot, I feel like I'm on an all-inclusive carribbean holiday by comparison. When I feel sorry for myself again, I'll think of you. Your boy is utterly beautiful. Do you keep in touch with the two Irish families still?

yes we keep in touch and with the american couple who I shared a flat with for the last week or so.

We are hoping to have a reunion next spring.

In fact, looking back on it now with the benefit of hindsight, I wouldn't change a thing. I have an insight into DS's life at the babyhouse that most people adopting never get.

No room fridge, it's not that kind of hotel. It's more like someone's house, think of a communist-type social housing building and you'll be picturing it. When I walk around the room, I tiptoe because the woman who owns/runs the place is downstairs doing her ironing all day and the walls/floors are all paper thin. It's pretty grim but it's clean. I'm glad I brought my hot water bottle because going from the crazy-hot baby home to here is like walking from a sauna into a fridge.

The ladies in our baby home are lovely too. I'm so glad I'll be able to tell her that she was loved for the first year of her life. They're mostly older ladies and they are so lovely to the children. Like I said my post earlier, the children are very used to being hugged and they all expect to be picked up when they cry. There are 10 babies in DD's room, she's probably the oldest and the youngest is about 8 months. The children are so busy and active, it's hard for the two ladies on duty to keep up with them. I don't know how there aren't more accidents. Their room is lovely but there are lots of sharp corners etc.

I saw on your blog about the compote, it's good to know how it's made. She likes it but doesn't seem too crazy about the kefir. What's good to know though is that she takes a bottle still. The director had told me she was drinking only from a cup now- maybe she was trying to impress me with dd's advancement or something? Anyway, I'm glad she still drinks from a bottle because we were going to try to put her back on them anyway.

Kew, they talk about babies being resilient, you showed such resilience on that trip to Kaz. I really don't know if I could have done it. And I felt so sorry for that Irish family where the mam went home for Christmas and the dad stayedin Kaz.

I had to laugh at your reference to the Irish and their omens. In court on Thursday, I told the judge that dd was meant for us because she was born on the feast of St Francis and that's dh's dad's name, she has dh's granny's name, her birth date is my godfather's birthday (and I didn't day this bit but I believe it- he's now dead and I think he directed her to us and us to her, I know how completely barmy that sounds and I don't care) and her court date was the feast of the immaculate conception (big church holy day) so all these omens meant she was supposed to be our dd. The judge didn't laugh, in fairness to her!

The two lovely ladies on duty today, Tanya and Natasha, made coffee for me and cakes and Tanya brought in photos of her family to show me. With the help of an English-Russian dictionary, we had a lovely conversation. She told me bits about some of the other children.She gave me her address so when I get home I'm going to post her a framed picture of her and dd.

wow, I've just found this thread and am sat here with a river of mascara running down each cheek. So happy for you, excited on your behalf and bringing back such lovely memories of meeting my own DD exactly 4 years ago.

We adopted domestically but the same feelings of will she remember me when you walk in the room, that horrific upset tummy feeling that goes the minute you make eye contact with her but completely overridden by the wave that hits you that you are with your DD.

Congratulations and I hope that your family of 4 have a very happy Christmas.

Have just caught up on this thread and am so pleased that everything's going well for you. Your account of your day with your baby girl waddling back and forth, beaming at you, and snatching quick hugs with you sounds just wonderful! Enjoy the rest of your time with her until you bring her home with you :)

What beautiful words in the novena. I am Catholic so it makes sense to me. Good luck x

Maryz, I just can't imagine how difficult that was. We were in the process of adopting from Vietnam when it closed down and to be honest, we were really relieved because there were a few stories coming out, I don't know if you remember, about babies being stolen and paperwork being forged. The baby home directors got a cut for every baby adopted internationallY. We have no way of knowing if this was actually happening but even people who had already adopted from VN were waving red flags. Like you, we had to believe in our hearts and souls that adoption was the only option for our child. You couldn't spend a lifetime looking at your child and wondering if somewhere her mother was in agony not knowing what had happened to her. It must have been brutal to leave without her but you really had no other choice. I admire you. And that was on omen that the gods were smiling on you when your dd came along.

Have to go now my taxi will be here in 5 minutes. Why am I nervous all over again???

Maryz, that sounds traumatic . I really admire your courage - and yours IHNYH - in doing the right thing.

Today was a strange day for me and I need a right good kick up the back side.

DD's favourite carer was working, the one who she took her first step towards. She was happy to see me when I arrived but she just wanted to be near or in the arms of her favourite carer, Katya. Now I KNOW that this is a wonderful thing, I KNOW how great it is that she has an attachment to a lovely carer and that it will mean that she will presumably form an attachment to me. I got lovely photos of her with Katya and the other lovley carer (who she also smiled at as she wobbled past on her way to Katya) and I think these will be really important to her in the future. This woman loves those babies. She's really calm and gentle with them all.

I was jealous, I think. Which is completely ridiculous. I got hugs today and she wobbled to me for little cuddles but I can't wait until she's crawling all over me like she was with Katya today.

It must be hard going back to your lonely hotel room, IHNYH. Those feelings are really understandable. I remember our dd's foster carer popping by the say goodbye the day after dd came to live with us, and dd shrieking, "Yay!" in excitement when she saw her. The relief on her little face was quite heartbreaking to witness.

Of course you are jealous. There must be all sorts of emotions mixed up there too. Be kind to yourself

oh wow congratulations!

I remember reading kew's blog all those years ago - how is ds doing kew?

Maryz that's heartbreaking - both for you and for the little girl. I remember once watching a programme about international adoption and there being a similar story about a family who adopted from Cambodia. In this family's case it was a five yo little girl they adopted iirc and they'd been told that the parents were dead but that she was being fostered. When she came to sign the papers it somehow transpired that the "foster" parents were in fact the real parents and for some reason had been pressured or felt forced to give up their little girl for adoption. But obviously due to the language barrier there had been no indication that this was the case. They showed her several years down the line and although she was happy in her life in the US she somehow felt robbed of her life in Cambodia. It was about then that internation adoption from Cambodia was ceased I think.

How are things today, iHNYH?

I've just found this thread. How lovely. I've been having a little cry reading it! Congratulations on your new dd.

Totally choked up now.

Congrats to you!

Oh Maryz!

I have just found this thread and have been sat at work welling up reading your story.

Congratulations. I hope you, your DH, DS and DD are altogether very soon.

I wish you all a truly wonderful Christmas together.

wannabe - DS is just peachy thanks. Went to see his school nativity play this morning (blub) - I can't believe he's six and can't believe that he's on all the normal charts for everything and I can't believe he's mine (still!).

oh Kew that is fab. :-)

Wow, so much hope from so much trepidation.

Maryz - I hope there is a bit of healing in that big wound. I've been thinking a lot about what happens if our pending adoption all falls apart at the last minute, trying to prepare myself, but I just cannot imagine the heartbreak. Of course, we have to endure what we must, because there is really no other option, but I would probably go into a very dark place for a while. It wouldn't be forever, but I'd guess the scar would be there always.

ImHot - Can't wait to hear that you are back with your DD. Don't worry, she will attach to her new family and love you more than anything - it just takes time, love and LOADS of patience. Congrats on getting this far, you will be a wonderful mum!!!

Kew - I love hearing your perspective. I tried picturing myself at a school play, but I can't quite imagine it yet. Hopefully soon.

Aloha all.

Thanks Hester, the right words at the right time. 4 more sleeps now so I'm past the half way mark.

I'm not sure does dd know something is up. Of course she can't, but things have changed. On our previous visits and on Sat and Sun this time, dd has been quite an independent, undemanding baby. Other babies would be hanging out of the carers desperate for a cuddle but not dd. She'd play away happily and when she'd go past the carer, she'd swoop in for a cuddle and then move in.

Since Monday it's been different. I thought on Monday it was because Katya was on duty and she really loves her. But it's been the same for the last 2 days too. She's really clingy with them, wanting always to be on their lap. She'll give me big smiles and the odd hug, but she's all about the carers. Honestly, I think she knows something is up. There's another little girl there who makes a beeline for me every time she sees me and I end up with her on my lap a lot of the time. I don't know how I expected it to be but I'm afraid we're not bonding, or she's not.She's a tough crowd!

Really looking forward to hearing that you're home safe with your DD. Sending you loads of good wishes.

Crikey- I stumbled across this thread becasue it was in most active - i'm still not dressed and was meant to be being super organised today!

I have no experience of adoption at all, so please forgive me for trying to attempt to comment, BUT - your emotions will be all over the shop and being alone atm you will most probably run everything through your mind millions of times, arguing with yourself and trying to tell yourself to stop being silly etc etc.

She could possibly be aware of something going on - she is seeing you more and more now and you have a long road ahead i am sure, but oh what a fabulous thing, you are there, she is there you are safe and well and so, more importantly will she be for the rest of her life (within realms of normality of course lol!) I know about delays etc etc but she still is at at that funny age anyway when it comes to people - do not beat yourself up about anything. I shall follow this with huge interest

Kew - i have not read your blog yet, your pictures were enough to set me off and I have a dreadful cough so crying is really no good. he is beautiful, really beautiful