In 5 days we'll know if we are able to adopt a little girl

[lettinggo]

I won't go thorugh all the process that's brought us this far, but we're 6 1/2 years in the process.

In 5 days time, on June 30th, we're going to find out if we will be able to adopt a little girl from Russia. She must be made available for domestic adoption until June 30th and after that will be able to be adopted internationally. She has some minor health issues, as far as we know nothing hugely serious, but apparantly Russians don't like to adopt children with health issues. She's been adoptable since she was 2 months old.

For the past month we've known about her and have been told that if she doesn't get adopted domestically, we will be allowed to adopt her. In my heart I know we should be hoping she gets to be adopted domestically because that would obviously be what is best for her but it's hard not to hope that it doesn't happen. I'm just not that good.

And now there's only 5 days to go and she's still there. I'm not at all religious, I certainly don't pray. But I remember years ago doing a novena (type of prayer service you do for 9 days where you pray for a specific thing) to St Francis Xavier and the words are rattling around in my head

"but if what I ask is not for the glory of God and the good of my soul,
I pray and desire that which is most conducive to both"

Might not make sense to anyone not Catholic but it's a comfort at the moment.
Sorry for the ramble. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on Thursday at 1pm (close of business in that part of Russia).

Congratulations - someone told me that they don't feel completely yours until you are through imigration in the UK, which was certainly rue in my case. But Court in Russia does feel like one of the last BIG hurdles over...

Makes me feel quite nostalgic!

Just before I read your comment, Kew, I said to DH "she doesn't feel like ours yet". It's weird being here (in the pub!!) thinking we have another child sleeping in a baby home. I think once we get her from the baby home it will feel more real. At the moment it's a bit of an anticlimax. DH goes home tomorrow and on Saturday I'm going to her village to spend the 10 day wait with her. I was nervous about this before but now I'm excited, of course that could be the beer talking! And I just found a cocktail menu which I plan to work my way through this evening . This will be our last night out together for a while so we may as well get locked

Thanks for all the good wishes, I have all warm and fuzzy feelings towards you all maybe that's the beer though??

Try not to worry aout your feelings. There is no right or wrong way to feel about this. Its like childbirth -some parenst get a sudden rush of love, other think " thnak goodness thats over, please get me soem toast".

Just focus on doing all the right thimgs that you know to build attachmentnand the bond will grow. It may be instant or it may take weeks or months. You will have weepy times and momenst of uncertaintly. But it will be fine in teh end. Remember you are 23 months behind the normal mother -child bonding, so you will need plenty time to catch up :)

I've been lurking for a bit, but wanted to say Congratulations :o
I hope you all have the best Christmas ever :)

Huge congratulations on your dd

I am in a shitty mood and you have cheered me right up .

Enjoy the cocktails .

Congratulations, Imhot to you and your DH on your new daughter - what an amazing year 2012 is going to be for you all! Have a wonderful ten days and a safe journey home.

Absolutly fantastic news! So so pleased for you and your new family and wishing youa safe trip home.

I'm having a mojito right now. A long island iced tea is next

Kristina, those words were what I needed to hear. You always make such sense. I feel like I'm supposed to be on top of the world now, and of course I'm so so glad court went well, but I thought I'd be more, well, elated. It's not that I'm not delighted but I thought I'd feel more of something. Does that make sense?

Why do you say 23 months behind? She's 14 months now, is there a further lag for her time in institutional care? Having helped a child with an attachment disorder, that's one thing I really want to do everything I can to get right.

By the way, I was the mother who wanted toast after the birth too, although I did have the rush of love too but hunger always supersedes everything for me .

Maryz, I'll have the internet thanks to our lovely driver who lent us his dongle for mobile internet access. The signal is good in her village, we had the dongle last time too.So I'll keep y'all posted with our progress during the week. When we come back to the city, we've booked into the lovely hotel instead of the very basic hotel we're staying in at the moment so I'm really looking forward to the luxury of it. My gorgeous mother gave us ?500 before we left Dublin to pay for our food while we're in Russia so we're using that to justify paying double for the lovely hotel. But it means we're really looking forward to being in the city with her.

Thanks everyone for all the good wishes, it's lovely to feel the kindness of strangers.

Congratulations

I'mHot congratulations! I was thinking of you today wondering how you're getting on and hoping for the best. I'm guessing 23 months includes the pregnancy.

Maths was never my strong point as you can guess! That makes sense.

14 months plus the 9 in utero. Didnt you begin to bond with your bio child as soon as you know you were pg? Or even while you were ttc? And the unborn child knows your voice, your childrens, your daily routines, your music. Experinces your stress levels etc etc. She knew all that with her bio mother, then she lost her..

And yes of course she will be developmentaly delayed because she is institutionalised. But attachment is the foundation of everything else and takes priority over most developmental issues. She needs to learn what a mummy is and bond with you, not many carers. Then dad. No one esle to care for her at all until this is secure.

You have a big job ahead of you. Its not like parenting a normal 14mo. More like a toddling newborn . And while you are focussed on doing this job, the bond bewteen you will grow and the love will come.

Its fine to feel exhausted/elated and an anti climax. You still have quite a lomg road ahead. Its the beginning, not the end. Its ok to be nervous, a bit shell shocked, a bit " i never thought be would get here".you are facing time alone with a totally strange child in an unknown country, apart from your dh and dd. Its ok to have mixed feeling. Most of the people reading this are thinkimg " wow , isnt she brave". So be kind to yourself

Sorry xposted with away

Serves me right for answering for you!

I never had the rush of love with any of mine. I just wanted food and peace and quiet. The babies /children looked ok, if a bit weird, but they could have been anybodys. They didnt look like us or even each other. Thats the bio ones as well as the others btw

Please do

Soemtimes RL gets in the way of my mumsnetting

It's true, as soon as I was pg, I started bonding with ds. And even though we've known about dd (see how I can just casually slip that in, my dd!!) since May, I've always been holding back because until today we couldn't be sure she was going to be ours.

Got to go, dh wants to skype his bro, will post again soon.

We adopted our DS 6 months ago from Russia and I went through exactly the same issues. Just trust that it will work out- they want you to adopt this little girl. Every moment of every day for the last 6 months have been worth every moment of stress and heart wrenching emotions we went through to get him. They say that women forget about the pain of childbirth once they have the baby in their arm. It's the same with us just our labour is years not hours!
Good Luck and feel free to get in touch if you want to talk.

I didn't feel a rush of love with either my birth child or my adopted child. I was very fond of both, but it took several months before I felt real passion. Now I am completely obsessed with them.

So don't worry if the feelings don't all fall into place straight away. Act like you love her, and soon you will

Hot - I didn't really feel "safe" to start bonding with DS properly until we got home. There had been so many problems along the way - right up to getting his visa to go home that I just couldnt really process that he was finally mine until there was really nothing left to go wrong.

I felt very responsible for him from the start and as Hester said quite fond of him but the real love took a while longer, probably months even, although its such a gradual process that its hard to pinpoint when it happens.

ALso there are so many hurdles to overcome its totally understandable if your main feeling at the moment is relief!

If you haven't read my blog - you might identify with some of it www.simplesite.com/journeytokaz

Get your hankies out befroe you read that blog though

Ooh, I read Kew's blog before and there were not just tears, there were snots let me tell you! What a gorgeous diary to have of that time in both your lives, Kew. I think I'll go and read it again now that I'm here and it's more relevant. By the way, she IS drinking kefir, and another drink they call compote which looks like apple juice but smells different. Any idea what it is?

Well I'm walking on sunshine, as the song goes. My dd and I are falling in love with each other. We had a lovely day yesterday, I got lots of smiles and a couple of laughs from her. I got to feed her morning and afternoon which was great. I slept ok in Bates Motel but woke up feeling dodgy. I was dreading going to the baby home because I really didn't want to use the loo there (won't go into detail...).

But when I got there, my favourite two carers were working. DD was in the big playpen and when she saw me, she BEAMED at me. The tummy settled, I think I was just really nervous about everything and we had a gorgeous morning. She toddled, or wobbled really, around the place and would come over to where I was lots of times to say hi. She's just put her hand on my shoulder and I'd put my arm around her and give her a little hug and let her go on her merry way again. It's great to know I have many days ahead with her, I don't feel under pressure to spend every minute with only her. I'm having a lovely time with the other babies too.

This afternoon when I came back, she beamed all over again at me, and then later when she was wobbling around, she wobbled right into my arms and put her little head into my neck for a cuddle. I thought my heart was going to burst, I'm bawling now writing this. And then later, I put my arms out while she was wobbling past and she did the same thing again. O boy. I skyped dh and ds at home from the baby home and she waved at them (well, ok she wasn't waving at them but I was waving and she copied me but ds thinks she was waving at him).

She's very used to getting hugs and often goes up to the carers for a cuddle. This afternoon, one of the carers was sitting on the couch and babs went up to her and put her head in her lap for a cuddle. I sat on the other end of the couch and she wobbled over from the lady to me and put her head in MY lap for a cuddle. My heart is doing somersaults. I was a gobshite to be afraid. We're going to love each other loads, me and this little girl.

Thanks for all the support here. I was feeling so out of my comfort zone. It's good to have words of wisdom from those who have been there before.

Now I'm off to read Kew's blog again.

Oh god, I've just cried out my contact lenses! I'm so so happy for you and your daughter

Oh I've been following your thread for months, so pleased for you, am in tears, have a few more ((((((((((()))))))))))))s