Is possible for a married couple to place a child for adoption in the UK?

[jay002]

I'm actually asking this question on of my sister in law. She's expecting and her and my brother never planned to have children and aren't really capable of looking after a child. They decided to look into adoption a only to find out that in Ireland a married couple cant give their baby up for adoption. Their only choice is to keep the baby or put it in foster care. She's devastated at this and absolutely doesn't want the child to end up in care. Is it possible for a married couple to put a child up for adoption in the UK? I wouldn't think they'd be able to do it from here in Ireland but if they moved over to England would it even be possible or are the laws similar to here?

Expat I assume they would have to be separate for a period of time,divorce takes about 4 yrs AFAIK or has been the experience of my family and legal separation will also take time but again this was some time ago and things may have changed.
Mmmitsdelicious yes women and men can be sterilised here in Irl, there are many options open to getting advice but as Maryz has said they really need legal advice,
I am wondering what the whole story is here as I do know of Irish women who through illness and other health issues have had abortions in Irl as the ethics medical board have approved them [but it is not easy and differs in different areas] so really they need to get advice from a family lawyer and maybe a family planning clinic or a sympathetic gp.
It is such a sad situation for everyone involved.

Maryz - I have a question. If the child is born to unmarried parents, then in foster care, could that child be adopted against their wishes, since they aren't a 'family' because they aren't married..or does that not matter, and the child still can't be adopted?

I think the Irish rules are very sensible and would in the UK avoid a lot of miscarriages of justices we have had over adoptions.

I am that this loaw exists!

How beyond ridiculous. There are many couples who would love a child and give it a wonderful upbringing. Ridiculous.

Loaw = Law, obviously.

Why can't they just do long term fostering then? Is that because of not enough foster families? Are there more foster families in the UK then than Ireland?

maryz yes, there was a case where a young (unmarried) couple had consented to an adoption, and then changed their minds when the child was (IIRC) about 3 (so thoroughly bonded, presumably, to his adoptive parents). They married and then went to the high court, who had no option other than to return the child to his biological parents. How it worked out is impossible to say - even in best case scenario, quite traumatic for a 3 year old I would have thought.

On a slightly different point, an (non-Irish) colleague of mine was shocked to be asked, when she requested a nuchal fold and triple test (routine in her home country at any age), why she wanted it and what should would do if the test showed anything untoward. I was a bit at this - we had one for DD and were never asked such questions.

As a parent who was technically fostered by me for the first 3 years (with attendant S visits) before the final adoption order was granted, it makes a difference. I never thought it would. I thought it was a technicality and that he was as much "mine" by then as it was possible to be and I wouldn't notice the difference. But it was a huge differnce - from the practicalities - no SS visits; ability to leave him with anyone I judged competent not having to insist on everyone who spent any individual time with him having a CRB check; not answering to anyone on my decision on vaccinations; no threats (however woolly) for SS to apply for parental responsibility if you don;t do what they want; no needing permission for leaving the country etc etc (the list could be a lot longer) but also the emotional difference - being 100% his parent legally did make a difference emotionally as well as Maryz mentioning he now has the automatic right to inherit from me in the absence of a will.

Even the best longer term foster carer in the world will acknowledge the difference. There is a reason we have stopped calling them foster "parents". nd there is also the general perception of foster carers being saints and lovely and fluffy etc when the reality is a sizeable proportion who are not at all lovely. I know one sibling pair who were in foster care for only 2 years having been removed from an extremely abusive and dangerous situation with birht paretns - one set of foster carers were by all accounts lovely and pointed out the issues that the older sibling had and sugested some intervention was in order, where upon the childrne were moved to another set of foster carers who also abused the children.

Luckily for them they then were moved to a permanent adoptive home but in Ireland they would have just been moved again and that would probably have set the trend for their life. But far too dull a case for the papers to comment on because let me honest paretns being unbeleivably shitty to their childrne isn't anything like as newwrothy (being so much more common) than childrne being "snatched" from their caring but misunderstood birth parents.

People with little experince of childrne from abuseive homes tend to identify more with the miscarriages of justice scenarios and are horrified by them(rightly) because they can identify with them. They can't identify with parents who cause their children so much damage that they will never be "normal" again and the damage that a life in teh care system can bring so tend to be more dismissive despite the latter case being so much more prevalent.

As a parent "of a child"!

The amount of miscarriages of justice are very small - and banning adoption without consent is far too high a price to pay for the children affected. I can't imagine the emotional toll on the children of growing up in care, shunted around, knowing full well you could be moved again at any time - that would hinder their development and attachmentss massively I think

And I don't see what is wrong with adoption without consent, honestly i don't. It can be the best thing for an abused child who has no chance of returning home. Long term foster care can't hold a candle to adoption, and anyone who thinks its almost the same and a good alternative is really deluding themselves or ignorant in the first place about it. It's great for children who are older and don't want to sever ties to family for example, but a lot of children benefit from a fully legal new family

I don't understand why anyone would deny that to a child? My DD1 has needed about 12 years of therapy so far because of her abuse, by people who think she's their property. Well, children shouldn't be your personal property, just because you gave birth to them. Why should my DD have been punished for being abused by being shunted around foster carers?

So even if the married parents are abusing the child horribly, their rights can't be terminated totally?

In 2011?! Are you kidding?

this thread is very sobering; I think it's doubly so because the couple in the OP recognise that they may not parent well and are therefore attempting to give the best possible chance to their child. Sadly, the system doesn't support them in this decision.

To drivingmisscrazy -Slightly off the thread but as far as the nuchal fold test is concerned it seems some people have not fully considered what they would do if they ended up with high risk result. Once they have fully considered what the options would be in the event of high risk result they often decide not to have test after all. Surely the practitioner was just making sure they fully understood the decisions they may have to make further down the line and in no way trying to influence them either way.

nomorefrizz well that would be fair enough if my colleague lived in a state where abortion is legal in such circumstances...

Find an American couple. It's entirely possible to even find one where one of the spouse is Irish. The visa waiver is for purpose of tourism and business, but a couple with an attorney may know of another visa if there is need of . It's not hard and it is entirely legal.

The couple will pay for the travel, for the lodging, for the birth, might even travel to Ireland to meet the birth parents.

They can be hand-chosen and vetted by the birth parents, even. Many would willingly submit to such a process.

The adoption can be completed by attorney and submitted to the state, depending on the state, relatively quickly and the birth parents free to return to their home country.

If this is what the birth parents want it is their business.

There is also open adoption there. It it not uncommon.

IME, they are streets ahead in some respects of this.

Find an American couple...like me, right?! DH and I would take the little darling in a heartbeat!

If you're looking then exactly, CY. The waiver may be a valid means of entry as it extends to both tourism and business for waiver nations, the couple would just check with their solicitor/attorney who could perhaps clarify with such legal counsel as is appropriate. But it's hardly beyond the bounds of impossible, particularly as concerns a visa waiver nation.

It's a possible option, is all I'm saying, if the poor OP is even still reading. US nationality is from birth, you're born in the US, you're a US citizen.

It's illegal to sell your baby in the US as elsewhere, but expenses such as lodging/board and medical care are allowed and private adoption is, as far as I know, legal in most if not all states.