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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Adoption

Considering surrogacy, all a bit overwhelming!

68 replies

rocketupbum · 26/01/2011 21:06

I am seriously considering offering to be a surrogate for some friends of ours. It is something I have thought about for a while and it all fits. I have been trying to do as much research as poss before offering, so as not to cause any disappointment. I am finding the websites a bit hard to get along with. They are obviously mostly geared towards people looking for matches and perhaps mostly intended parents. They are also a bit too nice (I have been so used to the harsh MN way it is all a bit wierd and full of "huns" and "hugs")
I wondered how many surro mums there were on here and how you went about it etc? I feel I just want some more straight talking and a bit less fluffy stuff. I dont want to be an "angel" I would just like to have a baby for people who would make great parents!

OP posts:

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Innat · 15/01/2012 22:38

Hi rocket have you gone any further down the surrogacy route? I've recetnly been considering it for some friends and came across this thread - haven't mentioned it to them yet but curious to hear if you've decided one way or the other and why?

QOD · 15/01/2012 22:51

Oh I got all excited seeing a surrogacy thread but I see I've been here and done that!

A friend of mine has hopefully just found a host surrogate -they are as rare as hens teeth! She's in Edunburgh and friend in Bristol..... Gonna be complicated as the ivf will likely be in London!

Innat · 17/01/2012 21:23

Hi qod sorry to get your hopes up! Hope it works out for your friend. Interesting that they are far apart. I am far from my friends. I just keep thinking about their situation and how unfair it is and wondered if I could help...but I also keep remembering about how much I did not enjoy being pregnant!

rocketupbum · 06/02/2012 20:31

Hello, sorry only just seen the thread resurface.
I am slightly further along as in we have had some counselling both alone and with our friends. I need to have a couple of extra tests to check my body is in full working order. Then we should be all systems go.
We are doing host surro and actually going to the USA for implantation.
I am quite excited about it all now. I have had 2 very straightforward pregnancies and labours and can only hope that this one is the same.
Things i am most nervous about are:
1.The responsibility of carrying someone elses baby and how that impacts on day to day life

Telling lots of people - I have a job where i meet lots of people and will prob have to tell all of them that the baby isnt mine (!) which will lead onto lots of discussions with people I would probably not choose to talk about it with.
The impact on my family, my (amazing) DH is pretty chilled about it all. But I guess it is unknown with the DC, although I have good support and advice. Also my extended family, I know my Mum is worried about it all - I am her DD after all and her concerns will always be with me first.

I hope all that waffle is a bit of food for thought for you.

OP posts:

OhDearNigel · 15/08/2012 10:15

Bumping this up as I am meeting a friend for coffee on Saturday who has been struggling with multiple miscarriages for 2 years, IVF has not helped her and I am seriously considering offering to be a host surrogate for her. I have DH's support who thinks it would be a great thing to do.

OP, how is the process going for you ?

hhhhhhh · 26/01/2013 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QOD · 02/02/2013 19:20

There are many many more couples than surrogates on agency books

We still joined cots anyway for the support etc

RosieCottage2 · 08/02/2013 18:44

Am hoping to have our much much longed for first child through surrogacy. It seems so daunting when you hear how many of us IP's there are :( Am determined but it does get hard at times.

hhhhhhh · 08/02/2013 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosieCottage2 · 28/02/2013 19:28

are there any surros here?

cherrise · 01/03/2013 20:00

I'm not a surrogate but I used a surro to have a child.. we used one from india and the process was relatively straightforward. I know that indian surrogacy has a bad press on mn (and generally) but well, our surrogate had counselling etc and got around 4k out of it, which is a lot considering her other employment option was as a maid which would have meant separation from her children as well. Google indian surrogacy to learn more if you are interested if you done have any luck finding a uk surrogate.

cfc · 03/03/2013 20:06

Am really interested in this thread.

I am interested in becoming a surro for someone - we've completed our family now and I feel that we've been too lucky, so karma is insisting I give something back. I hope that doesn't sound twattish, it doesn't mean to!

What on earth is the first step in finding out about it all?!

QOD · 03/03/2013 20:08

I get soooo excited very time I see this thread ..l. But it's the same one, again :D

Have a look at the forums of COTS and surrogacy UK or google message board for surrogates

cfc · 03/03/2013 21:15

Thank you QOD I will do that, have already had a look at COTS' board and have emailed asking for a surrogate pack to be sent to me so I can register and get this process started.

Reading what other women who have acted as surrogates hav eto say on the matter is lovely. I think this is something I will end up doing, my husband is really supportive too.

cfc · 03/03/2013 21:58

Thank you QOD I will do that, have already had a look at COTS' board and have emailed asking for a surrogate pack to be sent to me so I can register and get this process started.

Reading what other women who have acted as surrogates hav eto say on the matter is lovely. I think this is something I will end up doing, my husband is really supportive too.

hhhhhhh · 05/03/2013 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QOD · 06/03/2013 08:03

Very very hard to get a straight surrogate unless it's your own, frien, family etc
Most unknown, matched to you surrogates at least start out offering host only
Thing with that of course means Ivf with the cost and complications associated
I was asked by our court appointed social worker why I didn't adopt over having a baby that was part husband and part friend
I find that rather weird to be fair! Adopt a potentially damaged older child that's not related to either of us or have a new born baby. . .
To be fair though, we were offered a baby by our surrogate before we had got to seriously considering adoption. I was on the waiting list for Ivf and had lost all confidence in myself ever conceiving
I'd been trying for years, had 4 rounds of failed iui prior to insemination and had been told I'd got low chance of success

So no, wasn't an issue for me. Don't know how I would have felt about a stranger though.

hhhhhhh · 06/03/2013 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HDEE · 06/03/2013 18:13

I belong to a couple of closed surrogacy groups. I can ask them to add you if you want to pm me your name.

It's really helpful for advice and has both surrogates and IPs on.

HDEE · 06/03/2013 18:13

Sorry, the groups are on FB.

QOD · 07/03/2013 17:27

Oh nice Hdee, are any of them affiliated to COTS? (I know you weren't talking to me) cos I've totally lost my cots log in

cfc · 07/03/2013 19:15

QOD - can I ask what made you gravitate towards COTS as opposed to SUK?

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OddBoots · 07/03/2013 19:25

I've been a host surro three times, I had a boy for one couple through COTS then two girls a couple of years apart for another couple through Surrogacy UK. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I hadn't become disabled (unrelated to the pregnancies).

I can understand any person/couple asking if they would get chosen but it's impossible to answer that, if you find the right surrogate you'll get chosen, if you don't then you won't, it's like asking if you'll ever find mr/mrs right.

It is a long hard journey but when it works it is amazing, both for the couple and the surrogate and hopefully for the child/ren too.

QOD · 08/03/2013 16:59

I'd heard of COTS and as weren't looking for a surrogate, I just wanted the legal advise and technical type info and support.
Surrogacy UK was more about social meets and finding a surrogate, and I don't think I'd ever heard of it then actually?
Dd is 14 so we must have joined 16 yrs ago now!!

OddBoots · 08/03/2013 17:38

Surrogacy UK is about 10 years old, I know because I was pregnant with my dd at the time (I was a little bit involved in the set up).

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