I'm really not sure if I am BU so would value the opinions of others.
Our dd is 3.7 now. She has lived with us since she was 3 days old and we adopted her when she was 2.4.
DD has twice yearly direct contact with BM and we have no problem at with this (in fact think it can only be a good thing for dd). BM has severe learning difficulties and had a terrible upbringing herself. She neglected her DC terribly but she had no idea how to parent. She has completely accepted we are DDs parents now. She never calls herself mummy to our DD or says anything inappropriate at all.
Birth father is where I have a problem. He has twice yearly letterbox contact.
I have just received a package from him containing a birthday card, a book and a letter. The card is a huge to my darling daughter affair. In his letters he constantly says how much he loves dd, how much he wishes he could be with her ect.
He says he gave dd up for her sake as she needed a mother.
He talks about her as part of his family, for example he has told her about a new niece she has.
He talks about her brother (she has a full sibling also adopted who we have letterbox contact with as his adoptive parents don't want direct contact). DD doesn't yet know about this child as we think it would be difficult at her age to understand the concept of a brother she doesn't know when she has one she lives with. We will tell her about him very soon and hopefully she will meet him one day.
Basically the impression he gives is that she is still his DD and we are simply her carers. He said some awful things about her BM in a previous letter but after we complained to a SW that stopped.
He did try to get custody of her but he has a serious drink problem and also served a spell in prison for violence towards her BM.
We would prefer him to simply send a nice letter letting DD know how he is and asking after her. We don't want presents if like the book they are going to come with long inscriptions about his love for her and why he gave her up. It also upsets me to get cards saying my daughter from him.
Sorry this is very long and waffly, got to go now as FIL has just knocked on the door.
Please tell me am I BU.