Line manager wants me to invite a visiting speaker where there is uncomfortable history

[OhBuggerandArse]

Hoping you can help me be strategic about this.

I am responsible for organising our regular seminar series. My line manager has on more than one occasion asked me to invite a visiting speaker who raped a friend of mine. It was a very long time ago and he was never charged. It was reported years after the fact but the police felt too long had elapsed to investigate. I have told my line manager as tactfully as I could that I would find this difficult, and explained why as far as I could when it is not my story to tell, but she clearly didn't take it in and has just suggested him again.

I really don't want to have to either invite him or introduce him, but am unsure how to handle this when there is no 'proof' or and I can't give an evidenced account of why I feel strongly about it. It's not the kind of thing anyone should gossip about, and the last thing I would want is to turn my friend's experience into something that becomes about me.

Can any of you suggest the best way to phrase a response or help me with a strategy for how to handle this situation?

Not a pleasant situation to have to deal with. I feel for you, OP. Thinking about the 'bring me solutions, not problems' line, could you say to your line manager that a set of circumstances in the past makes it inappropriate for you to be involved with this proposed speaker and suggest that you brief colleague X to handle this particular speaking event on your behalf?

That was the way I've been thinking - though I worry that 'inappropriate' sounds as if it might have been my fault! Do you think that rephrasing to 'a set of circumstances in the past mean that I would find it uncomfortable to be involved with this proposed speaker' would be firm enough?

I would say “I have information about this person which deems them unsuitable to ask to be a visiting speaker. I cannot go into details as it is not my information to divulge but I will not be asking them to speak, nor am I willing to attend any space where he will be present so kindly stop asking me to invite him to anything. If you want him you will have to ask him yourself”

I did worry a bit about 'inappropriate'. Your alternative is good - and firm. I'm sure it will do the trick (unless you have a line manager who is tone-deaf 😟)

If I was the line manager here, I'd be saying something to you about your unnecessarily aggressive tone. The last line is what I would expect from a cross teenager or during a marital row.

I think I would just say that you are uncomfortable contacting him due to an incident in the past. Please could on this vety rare occasion another member of staff take on this job.

Find an alternative speaker.

and it’s ok to be honest

He raped a friend x years ago, unfortunately, as with so many of these cases he wasn’t charged but it was a very difficult time supporting her. Obviously given I’m aware we would be putting our staff/clients/students at risk and making ourselves potentially liable if anything were to happen to any of them.

This is risky as it would expose the OP to a possible libel charge if the proposed speaker gets to hear about it. As we know, the police didn't bring charges.

This is the right approach. It’s not specific but conveys you are uncomfortable and offers the solution of a colleague organising the event.

I'm sorry, if she's got enough of a rhino hide that she's asking again, she's going to interpret the above that you were in a relationship with him and still hung up on him. Bluntly, this is not the best way to handle it because it just makes you look bad. I'd go with "he behaved extremely inappropriately towards my friend in a situation where consent was not given, and I don't think he's suitable to be around students for safeguarding reasons."

The OP suggests the line manager is forgetful rather than having a rhino hide.

Put it in writing..

Hi Manager
Per our previous discussion, it would not be appropriate for me to be involved in the organisation for this speaker. I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to go into more details but it's best for all concerned that I step away from this situation. I'd suggest asking Tracey to organise this particular event and I'm happy to cover some of her work if that would help Her workload. Alternatively I'd be happy to organise a different speaker, for example John Smith has a good track record in this field.

Also thinking about solutions, not problems, would it work to just say:

"unfortunately he is not available. However, can I suggest X, who is."

Could you research the speaker a little and find a few things they are saying you disagree with. Not saying 'he raped my mate' shouldn't cut it. It totally should. But if you frame it around his views in specific circumstances online on things then you can add in the rape more explicitly once they're invested in him not being acceptable?

I was in a weirdly similar situation. I told our director of comms that Involvement with x person was a reputational risk for the organisation. I said vaguely why and they were essentially banned after that. I don’t think they would have cared about how comfortable I felt!

I’d go with this, apart from the “asking Tracey” bit, I’d change that to something along the lines of suggesting it might be safer/more appropriate for a male member of staff to deal with this man (unless the victim in this case was male).

I like this approach

I don’t think I can suggest (or that it is true) that anyone else would be at risk or that he is predatory. So it really is just about my feelings.

I don’t think you can accuse this person & explain & use it as a reason to your boss.

you could tell boss that you don’t like this person, you would not want to be present or do introductions.

You could say, aware he was reported to police for SA but no charges brought. If you 100% certain was reported to police.

You need to be concerned reputationally for your firm. Not getting revenge.

What you say must be factual and lawful.

You really do need to consider whether this backfires on you.

This is the approach I took when someone suggested my team work with someone with a child sex offence charge. Senior Manager went white and it was never spoken of again. Line manager was denser, so I suggested they read the man’s Wikipedia page and see if they could understand my issue. They didn’t mention it again!

so change it to my friend accused him of rape.

Id just tell him in absolute confidence and without any detail that your friend said he raped her. You hope he understands that you really can’t invite the bloke but will look for good alternatives.

Better. In the end, it's the relationship between the OP and tge line manager that will determine what she tells and what she keeps quiet.

I'd maybe tone down the last sentence (ask another colleague perhaps) but this is the approach I'd take.
I'd not go into detail (risk of libel) or be vague in a way that could be interpreted he's your ex or something.

I dont think you should suggest another colleague handles it, because that implies that you are the problem. And it feels a bit mean to the other colleague who might be appalled if they knew. It could be a reputational risk if it's a public event. What if someone were to share online that such and such an institution invites rapists to speak. If he did it once he might have done it several times. All this should be enough for your manager.