First essay feedback- would you say this means pass or fail?

[mummyrocks1]

So started a masters 15 years after having come out of education. We have a deadline for an essay and it's a pretty academic subject. I struggled with the essay but got a draft done which I was pretty happy with and sent it to the tutor to critique. I am a bit confused by her feedback.

From this, do you think she means I am in the right track, at a pass level but need to do these things to get a good pass OR at the moment it's a fail and I need to do these things to turn it into a pass?

•	You cover the right broad areas, but possibly spend too long discussing ???  and not enough discussing ? ?
•	Good use of section headings but at times the order is confusing - 
•	Some evidence of critical thinking and of an understanding of the complexity - for instance in the section on the ????- do more of this!
•	Remember to avoid the narrative/informal style such as:  We can see that it still lacks detail. 
•	Have a chat with the writing and learning centre and read more journal articles so the academic style starts to feel more natural to you
•	Be careful to avoid sounding like we know these things for certain - or that we know ???? for certain - it is all about building up theories from the evidence available (which changes over time)
•	Avoid sweeping statements or opinions (such as your concluding sentence)
•	Do some careful proofreading - there are some punctuation errors (such as unnecessary use of capital letters, we only need these for proper nouns
•	Avoid long quotations, wherever possible paraphrase in your own words

I have a week now to deadline and I am panicking now it's not going to pass.

I have replaced some details that might be outing with ? ??

The best person to ask about this is tutor. Mine (at undergraduate, year three) are happy to explain what they mean in more detail if I email them and ask.

I have a masters but I can’t tell from her comments whether she is saying you are over the pass line or not.

I would interpret this as meaning there’s quite a bit of work to do, but don’t forget if you do what she’s asked you to do then you should definitely pass. A week is definitely long enough to make a lot of difference to your work.

I think only your tutor can tell you this, but overall it sounds positive in that she can see evidence of all important critical thinking. Sounds like you mostly just need to get into the habit of academia rather than you need to change anything radical.

It sounds to me as if there is quite a bit of work to be done to get it up to standard, but they have told you in detail how to fix it. If that is the sum total of the feedback, yes, it indicates there are serious problems. But, the important thing is: do you understand how to make changes now? It could be that this negative feedback has been given because the tutor trusts you can make changes, and s/he may simply not have put much emphasis on the positives, as those are (of course) already demonstrated. You may need to go back for another meeting to clarify that.

FWIW, you might also find it useful to post in the Higher Education section, as this section is mostly used by academics in HE talking about work.

I think if you left it as is it might well fail. But none of the issues seem unsurmountable and a week is a long time! I'd say your first step is to go through the feedback point by point and take out anything that s/he's recommended you avoid (opinions, stating things as facts without evidence, long and unnecessary quotations) and spend some time working on getting it into a more academic style. Reading some papers is a great suggestion - it takes a while to get back into that style of writing, especially at Masters level. And definitely get someone to do a thorough proofread for any grammatical errors - takes very little time but makes a big difference. Good luck!

Obviously no one can say for sure without seeing your work but that sounds like a fail to me. Sorry. But at M-level, having to point out basic issues of structure, logical ordering of material, and proofreading suggests a fail.

I have taught at that level for 14y and have never passed a piece with such flaws.

But she has given you detailed feedback and pointed you in the direction of learning development - so make hay!!

I’m a doctoral student abd I supervise masters dissertations

Honestly it doesn’t matter if you’re passing or failing now. Follow the feedback to the letter avd you will get a decent pass. With a week to go you can do that easily.

😬 well thanks for the honest opinions. I am a bit worried and upset now though. I have spent many hours on that essay- so far the course is not coming naturally to Me. I was quite pleased with it.

I am worried now I won't be able to cover her points well enough and it will be a fail. She does keep saying such and such might be seen at undergraduate level but not at masters level.

I know the little things about the structure and proof reading are easy to fix, it's the bigger points. I am disappointed as thought it was good.

I do have a week but only between school hours so that's only about 4 hours a day. I am stressing now.

Previously she said to put our views in but now saying not to. I guess she means put in but backed up by opinions?

Think I need to get more critical arguments for/against the theories.

We were given some older examples of essays and I didn't understand a lot of them as they were so academic and just seemed like lists of referenced theories

I have asked her if I am totally off the mark and need to do these things to pass or ok and need to do them to get stronger pass. I doubt she will answer directly though as probably not allowed to say.

I feel annoyed with myself sending it with the basic proof reading points. I don't think the structure is bad, just one subheading in the wrong place. It's the other things I am worried about.

Feel totally deflated now

Absolutely not possible to say, which is of course right. Your tutor shouldn’t and can’t put you in a position where you can say ‘Oh, I get a pass if it leave it as it is’ or ‘But you said I’d get a 2.1 if I did all those things’. But I agree with a pp that the significant writing and structural problems outlined in the feedback, while entirely solvable in the time you have, are unlikely to be compatible with a pass. It’s understandable you need to brush up on academic writing after years away.

No, don't worry.

I teach at MA level, and this is normal.

Many students get feedback and they panic, instead of getting down to making the changes that are needed. Often, this is because they thought they'd done pretty well, and they've had a shock. But, this is a level up from undergrad, and you can have been exceptional at undergrad, and still find the MA is that bit of a step up.

Stop worrying that it doesn't 'come naturally'. It shouldn't. It should require work and effort - so that is ok.

Do you actually mean you didn't understand the example essays, or that you didn't like them? From what you describe, they were heavy on lit review. It may be that's your weak point. Can you talk about this more? Sometimes (IME), students think lit review (that is, assessing and discussing the relevant scholarship to date) is much easier than it is. Done well, it is pretty rigorous. Of course it's not the only thing that matters, but if it's something you are struggling with, we might be able to help?
4 hours a day is plenty. You just need to take it calmly and methodically.

You mention this issue of whether or not to put in your 'views'. I'm not sure what discipline you're in, and that does make a difference, but this may be an issue of miscommunication. In general, you will need to advance your own argument. But, that argument must be backed up by the evidence. That doesn't mean you have to agree with the published scholarship. You might well go your own way - but you would need to show the logical steps from the published scholarship. You couldn't simply say 'I think it's like this' and stop there. Nor, for MA, could you say 'I think it's like this and so and so says different but they are wrong' - you need it to be more coherent.

She’s given you some very clear detailed feedback I understand that you’re worried about passing or failing but unless you’re going to make no changes at all to what you’ve done that isn’t important in the context of what you’ve already written so there is no point being hung up about that.

My advice is to stop taking what she’s said an insult, what you’ve done so far is a good start but there is room for improvement.

As others have said work through the comments and make the necessary changes.

The first essay is always going to be the hardest and it will get easier as you get more used to this style of writing.

It’s a good point that knowing the discipline would help us advise you.

I study across public policy, education and business just to give you context.

Yes you need to support your opinion - you’re trying to analyse what you have read, reach a view on it and explain through referencing how you have got there. Roughly you would end any sentence where you make a statement with st least one refers to support it.

If your discipline is way off that could vary though.

In case it helps op I had a lot of negative comments on work at MA level but still went on to get a masters. I wasn’t totally secure in structuring my work at the start of my MA and I wasn’t providing the level of analysis required.

Don’t forget that a masters is a respected qualification and a higher level then degree level. If most could just rock up and immediately get a high masters level without any teaching input then there wouldn’t be much point in doing it!

Don’t be disheartened but do listen and take the points ok board. If you have 20 hours that should be enough.

Op I completely agree with the others, get your headings sorted, expand and strengthen the critical thinking, and make sure any of your opinions are linked back to evidence. She's not mentioned referenced but do these well if you haven't already.
However I've just done a masters and received feedback that made me think I'd done a terrible job - I always passed. So you will get long and 'critical' feedback even if/when your work is at a pass level. It's just the way it is. What subject are you studying?

Also doing my MSc after a similar time since undergraduate degree. My first essay feedback was similar. I spent too many words describing the papers, and what they wanted was what the paper concluded, and how it supported one side of the arguement. The critical bit included the critique of the methodology etc to support if those conclusions were reliable. Use all the available evidence to support your arguement and providing any counter evidence too.

Paraphrasing is better than directly quoting as it shows you have understood the paper.

Does your uni offer study skills workshops on writing at M level? I went in one and it was really useful.

You have time, good luck

Argument * (oh dear!)

I think you are focusing on the wrong thing. This is a draft, so it doesn’t matter whether it is a pass or fail because it’s not the final essay. When I give feedback in a draft I don’t mark it, I try to think of feedback suggestions to make it better which is an entirely different thing.

Focus on what you need to write the final version: the feedback seems detailed and specific, do you understand it? Do you think you can change the essay in line with the feedback? That’s what you need to focus on.

You've got some clear instructions on what to do. Break them down and tackle whichever seems the easiest first. Make a plan of small steps to reach the first one if it's too overwhelming.

It's horrible not getting the feedback you're expecting when you're happy with your work but what is worse is wasting your time (I speak with experience!) paying attention to your feelings. You don't have time for that right now. Focus on what's in black and white and park how you feel to the side until you've handed it in. Even if you only manage some of the points she's raised, that's better than none.

Thanks so much. The area is in education. I did a BEd originally and now I am doing a masters in a specialism.

The replies are very helpful. Yes I need to put my feelings aside and get on with it. I am quite a sensitive person so have taken them to heart I think. I am Just disappointed as that essay took many hours but thank goodness I worked hard to get the draft done by the deadline so I have time to correct it. Others on the course haven't.

I definitely knew I needed to read more so that is reflected in the feedback.

When I say I didn't understand the examples they gave us of strong passes, I didn't understand much of the language used and much of the paraphrasing. Many of the paragraphs seemed to be a string of references put together. It was very academic and I have struggled to write like that.

• Remember to avoid the narrative/informal style such as: We can see that it still lacks detail.

This is the one I need to think about. Changing my wording. Is it better to say 'it can be criticised for lacking detail?' Should I then try and hunt out a theorist who criticises it for that and reference them? (If there is someone)

Lots of my sentences start with it can be criticised or so and so has criticised or so and so argues, or research suggests, or so and so says this.... I think that's what she means by the academic style not being natural.

To be honest right now I don't what to put instead. I am struggling with wording my arguments. it's quite repetitive and I struggled with how to word these elements.

Dont confuse critique with criticism! To critique means to says pros and cons not just the cons!

I think you need to go back to those older essays you were given and try to get your head around them - they'll be the best steer on how to structure your arguments and back them up (or counter!) with critical theory.

Don't feel down about it - the tutor has given you good feedback which you can work on. Criticism of the first few essays are usually harsh! When asking for feedback you won't get a "this will pass/fail" you get feedback to improve it.

I can understand that you're disheartened OP, but I think you've been given a great opportunity to put things right before submission. Lots of masters courses don't give any feedback whatsoever before submitting, let alone the huge amount you've been given. I would say that you've been given at least times more than I was given for any of my marked essays and about the same amount as I was given pre-submission for my dissertation!

Have you got time to speak with the academic writing centre about how to rephrase things to avoid repetition? I used to have thesaurus.com open in a tab all the time when I was writing an essay, to check for alternative words. If it felt that I was using a word too much then I would do a control+f search for that word to see how frequently I was actually using it and where. Do you have anyone who can proofread for you? They don't need to know the subject, just be good at spotting any errors that the spellchecker doesn't catch. It's a bonus if they can comment on the structure and clarity of what you're writing - again, they don't need to be an expert in the field, just reasonably academically literate.

Try to stop worrying about what mark you would have got for it without any further work, dust yourself down and get on with it!
Good luck 🍀