First essay feedback- would you say this means pass or fail?

[mummyrocks1]

So started a masters 15 years after having come out of education. We have a deadline for an essay and it's a pretty academic subject. I struggled with the essay but got a draft done which I was pretty happy with and sent it to the tutor to critique. I am a bit confused by her feedback.

From this, do you think she means I am in the right track, at a pass level but need to do these things to get a good pass OR at the moment it's a fail and I need to do these things to turn it into a pass?

•	You cover the right broad areas, but possibly spend too long discussing ???  and not enough discussing ? ?
•	Good use of section headings but at times the order is confusing - 
•	Some evidence of critical thinking and of an understanding of the complexity - for instance in the section on the ????- do more of this!
•	Remember to avoid the narrative/informal style such as:  We can see that it still lacks detail. 
•	Have a chat with the writing and learning centre and read more journal articles so the academic style starts to feel more natural to you
•	Be careful to avoid sounding like we know these things for certain - or that we know ???? for certain - it is all about building up theories from the evidence available (which changes over time)
•	Avoid sweeping statements or opinions (such as your concluding sentence)
•	Do some careful proofreading - there are some punctuation errors (such as unnecessary use of capital letters, we only need these for proper nouns
•	Avoid long quotations, wherever possible paraphrase in your own words

I have a week now to deadline and I am panicking now it's not going to pass.

I have replaced some details that might be outing with ? ??

This is the one I need to think about. "Changing my wording. Is it better to say 'it can be criticised for lacking detail?' Should I then try and hunt out a theorist who criticises it for that and reference them? (If there is someone"

You could write something like;

So and so concluded xyz, however their methodology for recruitment of participants was not detailed, and therefore it is not possible to determine if there was bias in the selection process.

Or..... there is lack of detail in the age/sex/ethnicity/socioeconomic background of the study participants to understand if these findings would apply to x population which is predominantly y

You need to explain what detail is lacking and why this is relevant

Haha should have taken my own advice about proofreading - should say at least 10 times more [feedback] than I was given

prowritingaid.com/en/Account/Register2?returnUrl=%2Fen%2FAnalysis%2FWebEditor%2FGo%3FredirectToDocs%3Dtrue

I found this really useful when I was first learning to write essays. It has suggestions on how to reword things in a more academic style.

Goodness. I’m simply amazed that your tutor critiques an ‘ordinary’ non-final dissertation essay! (And I gather undergraduates expect this now, too.) Why did no-one do this for me?

Do you not have a course handbook with the mark scheme set out? As I remember from my MA ‘Some evidence of critical thinking’ would indicate clear room for improvement but not actual hopelessness.

SurpriseSparDay this might be a discipline specific practice. In my discipline, philosophy, we always give feedback on one essay plan and one draft. At MA level I’d also give feedback on a second draft per chapter of thesis. It’s been like this since I was a student in the early 90s. If we didn’t do this, most students would really struggle.

The other thing to remember Op is that responding to feedback is very much a part of academic work. If you present at a conference or as an invited speaker you will get critical questions that will lead you to revise your work, if you submit a paper for publication, more likely than not, you will need to revise and resubmit in response to reviewer comments, if your do a PhD you will have to defend the thesis at the viva. Reworking essays is part of the process. Tenacity is a central academic virtue!

Thanks question-I will look at that.

Yes, it did feel more like a criticism than a critique as lots of criticism and not much praise but I am so glad I got the feedback before submitting this essay

@mummyrocks1 Thank your tutor profusely. They have given you a LOT of good and pretty specific advice. Follow it to the letter.

You said you found the academic voice quite confusing, that seems to be at the heart of your issues. So do a LOT of reading, no matter how much you are doing now, do more. Familiarity with the voice of your subject will help you re-work your own way of writing, as well as ensure you are very well informed!

You said that the feedback felt more like crticism than critique, from an outsider's perspective it reads like a map to improving your writing skills. A very clear critique. Your tutor is obviously of the opinion that you have potential, they wouldn't have written so much spcific info if they didn't, but they also think you have a lot of work to do on your writing style. After 15 years out of the system that's hardly surprising!

Good luck!

It honestly doesn’t read critical to me. I would see it as a very helpful and specific piece of guidance

I have given the same sort of advice countless times. Also I tend to be to the point and concentrate on ways to improve when giving feedback on drafts because the whole idea is to improve the final essay. I tend to balance good and not so good feedback when marking because that is a different task.

YY, I agree with boo.

When you mark you always try to find positives and negatives, but feedback is about showing someone how to improve.

I do think you need to try to get a bit of distance, TBH. In most of your posts you're talking about how bad you feel - but this isn't personal.

IME, sometimes students who did well at undergrad feel almost insulted by the lack of praise later on, and it can get in the way because they focus on the fact they feel hurt or disappointed, rather than seeing the feedback simply as feedback. You'll probably find that there are other people on your MA course who were less good as undergraduates, who're actually better at processing negative comments, because they've had more experience at setting their emotions to one side. It is a definite skill.

This is really really helpful feedback. Your tutor has been specific, not personal and given you things you can actually work on! This is like gold!

What I think you are struggling with is that she said she wanted 'your views' but now you think she doesn't.

Well, she does want your views, but not in a 'I think this because it's my gut feeling' kind of way but 'I have reviewed the literature and x thinks this and y thinks that but y's argument is potentially flawed because q and also z has evidenced this so I would argue x has the better point.'

So you can back up all your thinking with references and demonstrate your deep understanding of the subject. Perhaps not in a long dangling sentence like I have written though!

The feedback you have sounds a lot like the feedback I used to get when I was just starting writing essays, especially regarding quotations. Sometimes you put a quote in because you think the author has summed it up so well - but the tutor knows the author knows the subject, the essay is about whether you do. Any quote over 2 lines long needs scrapping or a hard think about whether you really need it.

I suspect you are going to pass and your next essay will be better.

Two things- I give feedback like this for UG if a plan is handed in by a deadline, the idea is to give feedback when the student can still make changes, that learning is a skill which can be taught rather than just leave students on their own. I'd say about half my students get a plan to me and it stops them doing anything bad enough to get a poor grade.

Second- I don't have time to write out a whole list of great things as well as a lot of points of improvement, so plan feedback is usually more negative than my overall marking. This doesn't mean it's bad, but just that it requires work.

You have the right attitude- this was sent to help you fix this. I hate getting critiques of my work (we get one every time we send out a journal article and many are ruder than this!) Allow yourself a half day or a day to lick your wounds, then crack on with fixing this. It's actually great your uni offer this feedback.

Yes, it did feel more like a criticism than a critique as lots of criticism and not much praise but I am so glad I got the feedback before submitting this essay

It's really good feedback on a draft. It's specific and will help you clarify your argument and your throughline.

And for future reference: students always pressure us to give an idea about a grade when reading draft work. We can't - and if you think about it, you'll see why. We're reading (not marking) a draft - it's unfinished, who knows how it will change. We mark essays against quite specific criteria - if we "marked" a draft, we'd either be guessing at the finished essay - and so marking potential - or we'd generally have to give a low grade, which wouldn't be at all helpful and could be de-motivating.

So don't think about

do you think she means I am in the right track, at a pass level but need to do these things to get a good pass OR at the moment it's a fail and I need to do these things to turn it into a pass?

You're focusing on the wrong things. Try to make your argument as clear and as solid as you can. Take the advice about getting input about tone & register. Get familiar withacademic writing styles.

But it is counterproductive to see this all as work towards "getting a mark." You write an essay to learn - the mark is a side effect of that learning - it's just an indication of where your learning is against the intended learning outcomes of the module, and the course. This will take into account where you are in the course (ie first term, last term etc).

I do wish students would think less about their marks, and more about their learning. By turning the whole thing into "I must get high marks" you actually hinder your deep learning. And it's the learning and what you can do with that, which you'll use in your life. No-one will care about what grades you got. Really they won't.

If it's a pass it sounds like it's just over the line. The way feedback has been given is really good though, pointing out your good and bad parts will be very helpful. I've never had a tutor review a draft essay ever.

Thanks so much for the feedback. On reflection, I agree I am very lucky to have had that feedback- it's very valuable. I think I can use it for all future essays. Thank goodness I got it and didn't submit my draft essay for real.

Having read the essay I can really see what she means now and where I need to develop my ideas. I have spent the day going through some of her points and have set a timetable tomorrow to do the journal reading she suggested to tidy up my academic style and use more for/against arguments.

Only think is- because she said not to write like we know these theories are correct and things are certain, I have lots of lines saying research suggests, research shows this could/potentially/may. Now I am worried it sounds too uncertain. But I have made an appointment with the learning centre- as advised by her- so hopefully they will help.

The learning centre sounds like a good bet, but also, just keep looking at published work and the way the authors express themselves. It really is a case of reading and practising as much as possible, and eventually it becomes quite natural and you start getting that sense of how to balance it all up.

Btw, I don't think you should go too far the other way and start feeling humbly that you're dead lucky to get this feedback when other posters have mentioned not getting any. That's not comparing apples with apples. On some courses there's no feedback provision and it'd be the same for everyone; on yours feedback is the norm and you've got it. Personally, I think it's more realistic to give feedback on drafts as no grown-up academics ever write anything without feedback at some stage. But, the point is that you've got the same conditions as other people on your course.

@Verily1

Dont confuse critique with criticism! To critique means to says pros and cons not just the cons!

Yes, many people are confused now.