Strangers telling off your kid/s?!

[fyimate]

I'm seriously losing my patience with the amount of people who have tutted or told off my DD when we're out and about.
I promise you my DD (who is 4) is not boisterous or loud or out of control, she is a very sweet, dances about whilst I'm in the shop and plays little games as I buy the groceries.
But today I was pretty angry at an old woman who walked past, my DD tapped a paper sign dangling down in Tescos and the old woman tutted very obviously at my DD and gave her "the look" of dissapointment. My DD froze at this and looked quite stunned. She didnt even know what she'd done!
Now tell me, WWYD in this situation, because it seems strangers take it upon themselves to tell MY DD off even when I'm just out of earshot, when she's simply skipping and playing! Or they think, if I'm in a queue and DD asks for something and I say no, that it's ok to turn to my DD and override me and say "Of course it's ok!"
I really think I will lose my temper if this happens again.

The paper was wedged into the shelf, an advertisement to buy something.
I do not allow my DD to run up and down aisles because I know she will hurt herself.
If these people would say things politely I wouldnt mind, at least I would know why they were upset!

Plus some people are just grumpy, she needs to learn that.

You don't like people looking at her dancing though?

hmm

Then she just sounds like a grump woman. I think you're over reacting though.

I'm sure that its not intended in any derogatory manner when people do this. Although i an biased. I recently lost my temper with a lad in the park and made him cry. He was in the soft play park and on three occasions screamed bastard at the top of his voice. The fourth time i turned to him with my mess with me and you'll regret it stare and growled ' that language is very offensive and there are other children more polite than you whose parents do not want them going home with your foul mouth!' he was in the secondary school uniform so plenty old enough to know better. Saw him and his mum recently in spar- went to explain and he hadn't even told her about it! she gave him a telling off too! I felt a little sorry for him in the end.

I dont think I'm overreacting when I know my DD is behaving and people are making her feel like she is being naughty.
I just wondered if they were in the same situation WWYD, I'm not asking if I'm overeacting or AIBU, I'm asking if this happened to you what would you do.

Oh come on, you're making this up now.
Every time someone says something negative, you change the story slightly so your DD can't be in the wrong.

I'm not saying she's a horridly behaved child, but perhaps you really need to look objectively at what you allow her to do, and how it may inconvenience others.

Er. Tough shit. I'll post what I like.

bwahahahahaha

over-reacter.

I would reconsider my ideas of acceptable behaviour

because it sounds like it's you and not them

1 mad telling off story is fine - but the fact it happens enough for you to notice and be annoyed means its you

so switch your perspective

fyimate

The trouble is that people are non plussed so they don't really know how to answer.

My DD never gets told off by strangers - ever. If someone did tell her off and she had done nothing I wouldn't comment especially as it is just one of those things.

But people are struggling to make sense of why you and your daughter venture into the world and get lots of strangers tutting at you and telling her off.

It is just a bit unfathomable - so people don't really know how to put themselevs in that position and suggest a suitable reaction.
It sounds totally bizarre to me. So I don't know what to suggest except possibly moving.

I would love to know how I am changing the story
I know when my DD merits any stranger giving her a disaproving look or a telling off, I.e when she ran off in the shops, which might I add, she doesnt do anymore.

I really really need to know more about the dancing before I can offer an informed opinion.

She doesnt get told off everytime we go out, I think I used the word "telling off" too much, I was more annoyed with what happened today.

It doesnt matter, I guess people cant really comment unless they see it.
I'll just have to ask why they reacted the way they did next time it happens.

Thanks for all your comments.

I have just asked my lot if they have ever been told off by a stranger when out and about.

Ds1 and dd said no ds2 said yes.. He was with his dad and was messing about so he deserved it. .. No bones about it no bad feeling about it and not emotionally damaged at all... Btw this is from a child who has asd ! And he is fine about it.

But the dancing, don't go until you've explained the dancing.

What do you want me to explain exactly?

The bit about she dances, but you stop her because you don't like other people to see her dance.

Some people are grumpy old sods. For me to speak to another child or parent it would have to a safety issue rather than bad behaviour. I have only heard one elderly lady admonish dd (9 yo) for touching a cashmere scarf that probably millions of adults had touched on a display in Elgin. She tutted and said she hoped her hands were clean . I stepped in and said 'oh yes her hands are always clean, aren't they darling' and we moved on. My mother's suggested reply was less polite so I was glad she was in another part of the shop .

I am a bit confused - as far as I can see a grumpy older person tutted at your child??? - I would be concerned if one of my boisterous but generally well behave children were the recipient of a tut - but not to the extent that it made me boiling mad or start a thread.

In answer to your question - if I felt my child had not done anything to merit a glare or tut I would give said child a hug and reassure her that some people are grumpy and we won't always know why and that it is ok.

As long as you are leading by example and are expecting polite and reasonable behaviour from your children that is all you can do - what others do is not within your control - unclench. Have a glass of wine or mug of cocoa or whatever treat helps you unwind and forget about grumpy gits in supermarkets.

Thanks BigMouthstrikesagain, that probably is the better way to handle it.

As for the dancing, myself and DP are very aware of "bad" men (and women) out there and although others may see this as an overreaction and overprotection, when any man talks to my DD or I see them watching her (even when dancing as this causes more spectators as she prances about like a ballerina) I become very suspicious. I cant help it. So to avoid it I tell her not to dance in public and to keep it in the house.
That's just how we are, we have our reasons for feeling that way.

1. She dances about whilst you are in the shop
2. She only dances in the exits
3. You stop her dancing because you don't like people to look at her dancing.

Changed a bit no?

When I said she dances in the shop I didnt say where, then in a later post said where.
I also said she only dances rarely as I tell her not to.

Once you get past the constant illnesses and the tantrum stage 1 (you're about due for stage 2 IIRC), the next thing you have to deal with is this. People being unkind to your dc. Of course it is unpleasant but honestly, wait till she is in the full throes of school and you have problems with other kids, teachers, not being invited here or there, etc

You have to toughen up a bit

Maybe you're right ZZZ, maybe I have the PFB thing going on, I know my DP has it, plus shes a girl so he has it even worse.