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Original poster

Feel crap........do I back down???

52 replies

loujay · 21/05/2010 09:59

I know the answer already, just need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing!!

DD (age 6) woke up at 5.20am this morning,she has always had problems with her sleep, but we continued in the same way as always "go back to bed and stay there DD it is not time to get up yet"
Cue shouting, screaming stamping of feet and arunning inbetween our room and hers every 10 minutes for the next hour and 10 minutes. At 6.30 I said she could do her Kumon homework,which then took her an hour instead of 20 minutes! and then we had a whole drama about her getting herself dressed (wineing about putting socks on etc etc)
The upshot of this is that I have said that she cannot go to the school disco this afternoon.
Cue a very emotional scene at school, her crying, me feeling terrible and ALL of her friends bringing in party clothes for this afternoon.
I FEEL CRAP!!! I know that I did the right thing, but I feel so terrible.
Do I cave and take her dress in??
Help me wise mumsnetters......

OP posts:
Original poster
loujay · 21/05/2010 10:08

OK I'll get my coat!!!

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 21/05/2010 10:08

Oh dear.....the old thing about not making a threat unless you are prepared to see it through.

I suppose you could extract a promise that she will stay in bed until you say tomorrow morning, then allow her to go.

I would probably back down, although I know it is totally the wrong thing to do!!!

BecauseImWorthIt · 21/05/2010 10:10

I think I would back down on this occasion. Could it be that she was so excited about the disco that this woke her up?

I would take the clothes in right at the end of the day - she will have had the whole day thinking she's not going, which - hopefully - will have given her sufficient punishment.

Then tomorrow you can talk about it and tell her that if it happens again, you will not relent.

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EndangeredSpecies · 21/05/2010 10:13

I'd probably back down too BUT it depends on previous, e.g. behaviour in general for the past few days. If she's behaved generally badly then I'd stick to my guns and say no, when you behave like a big girl you get to go to school discos etc. I'd take her dress in but get her to explain to you beforehand why mummy was so cross and say sorry (nicely) for her tantrum.

Original poster
loujay · 21/05/2010 10:15

Sounds like a good idea to take her clothes in at the end of the day. Thanks guys!!
I am usually really good at following through on any punishments but the sight of her little tear stained face this morning whilst all around her were excited about the afternoon disco was more than even I could take!! I cried in the car
Will think on it and maybe give school a ring and see how she is.
Thanks for all of your replies.
xx

OP posts:
Original poster
loujay · 21/05/2010 10:16

Her behaviour this week has generally been good (after a few weeks of bad) so this is out of character this week.

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 21/05/2010 10:17

Aw - I'd definitely give in then.

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 19:11

No I wouldn't give in at all. I'm a fulltime student and couldn't cope being woken at that time by a 6 year old. Unless she has special needs and it's par for the course, a 6 year old shouldn't be screeching the house down at half 5 in the morning

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 21/05/2010 19:13

What did you do?

I would have given in on the basis this isn't something that happens all the time and threats are made in the heat of the moment.

CoupleofKooks · 21/05/2010 19:15

if it feels wrong to you to do this, it usually is wrong

if she is having problems with her sleep she is probably tired / anxious / feeling ill / vulnerable / irritable
children usually need their parents when they are feeling this way, so waking up early but having to stay on her own until you allow her to get up must be upsetting and difficult for her

i understand how frustrating it is for you (honestly, i do, we have been through the same thing with ds1 ourselves), but taking a hardline about it and punishing for upsets like this, will ultimately just erode your relationship and exacerbate the problem

please change your mind and tell her you made a mistake because you were feeling tired and cross, but you don't want her to miss the party and that you'll work on the sleeping thing together

CoupleofKooks · 21/05/2010 19:17

oh just realised it has already happened
hope you can sort something out for the next time this blows up - 6 is very little still really, and children don't wake up early and need their parents on purpose to be annoying (i do know it IS annoying, we have suffered with this many a time)

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 19:27

She threw a tantrum when told to go to bed and now she's having a great time. A 6 year old sleeps through the night unless they are ill or have special needs. She then deliberately kept the whole house awake and has been rewarded. This is the first time I've ever judged on here but No, children are not supposed to dictate their parents sleep at that age and then get rewarded for it. A tantrum and screeching at that time? NO WAY

CoupleofKooks · 21/05/2010 19:47

don;t know what you are on about junglist, you seem to be existing in a different world to me
children have sleep problems sometimes, like adults do
you would punish them for this? i don't understand

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 19:49

It was a tantrum at 5.20 am. It wasn't waking in tears and then trying to get back to sleep. The OP said she was running between bedrooms and screeching. Sorry but I have long days commuting and studying and would never allow a 6 year old to control my home like that

CoupleofKooks · 21/05/2010 19:50

yes, she was running in and out screeching because she's been told she had to stay in her room and go back to sleep
and she couldn't
we've had exactly the same with ds1 because he was feeling crap and scared

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 19:51

And the OP feels crap. Yep, she's been awake since 5.20 listening to that!!

CoupleofKooks · 21/05/2010 19:51

"Sorry but I have long days commuting and studying and would never allow a 6 year old to control my home like that "

what does this mean? you think the rest of us are sitting on velvet cushions or something? yes obviously that's why we suggest allowing 6 year olds to control our homes

what odd posts these are from you

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 19:53

If the child was scared the adult could lie down with them. I got the impression it wa a tantrum rather than fear. If she was scared the OP would have cuddled up to her or something

BallpointPen · 21/05/2010 19:54

All young kids wake up early, some earlier than others and sometimes earlier one day than the next.

That's what early morning children's TV was invented for.

FWIW I would have backed down too OP, a school disco is an important thing to a 6 year old.

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 19:55

Well sorry but I know I couldn't commute and get in at 7 and do cooking or cleaning with a child who kept me up through tantrums at 6 years old! That's odd. Still she's been rewarded now so that's that.

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 19:57

I'm officially living on another planet then! I'm the only one who thinks children shouldn't run around tantruming at stupid oclock

BallpointPen · 21/05/2010 20:00

No, they shouldn't junglist1 but if, unfortunately, they happen to have woken up too early they should be in front of the telly until reasonable o'clock

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 20:03

Yep, telly or snuggle. No running

HumphreyCobbler · 21/05/2010 20:05

You are not the only one who would prefer not to be woken. It is just that other people might think differently about how to deal with the situation.

junglist1 · 21/05/2010 20:07

If an adult would prefer not to be woken, they put a stop to it by punishment if necessary. That's parenting. The child doesn't get to decide when the whole family wakes up. Refusing to go back to sleep and screaming so nobody else could either is