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Original poster

WWYD - Friend fraudulently claiming benefits

51 replies

BottleOfRum · 19/05/2010 11:21

Imagine you have a friend - been in the same group of 6 best friends since high school. You see her weekly, you adore her children, you love her to bits.

She got pregnant quite young, early twenties, with a guy who disappeared. She got a council house, went on benefits. A few years later, she met a lovely guy, had two children with him and married him. He works full time, approx £25,000 a year. She's never worked. She never told the benefits office she got married or that she lives with her DH, and continued to claim that she lives alone with three DC.

Despite loving her dearly, I resent her large council house, and all the money she gets, as her husband's income is all disposable - he doesnt have to pay rent, bills, council tax etc.

She has said she will continue to claim benefits and not disclose about husband until she is able to get a job herself, when the youngest starts school (youngest is newborn, so will be claiming fraudulently for 5+ years minimum), as money would be tight if her benefits got taken away.

I so badly want to report her for benefit fraud, as I feel what she is doing is SO SO wrong. WWYD?

OP posts:
Eglu · 19/05/2010 11:25

It must be so hard that she is a friend, but I couldn't do nothing. I would have to report it. I'm sure others may disagree but she is taking a lot of money that she has no right to.

Slippingthroughmyfingers · 19/05/2010 11:26

Hard Hat

Flak Jacket

Popcorn

Comfy seat

Right off you go.....

scurryfunge · 19/05/2010 11:30

She is a fraudster....we are paying for her lifestyle....report her

Interested in this thread?

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Benefits
pud1 · 19/05/2010 11:33

report her. no excuse for claiming benifits you are not entitled to. its theft.

Original poster
BottleOfRum · 19/05/2010 11:36

I think I'd already resigned myself to the fact I would report her. She is able to afford such an extravagant lifestyle, with a wedding that cost over £20,000, whilst I work full time and yet struggle to make ends meet sometimes.

I just think I'll feel terrible afterwards... she's never done a bad thing to me in her life, she's been a lovely, very supportive friend. Thats where my dilemma is. Its very two faced and back stabby if I do it, but my insides boil every time I think of what she's getting away with.

OP posts:
notyummy · 19/05/2010 11:38

I know there are rich fat cats out there using every means at their disposal to avoid tax. They obviously need to be chased harder and prosecuted more. (Just an early caveat for one someone inevitably points this out....)

That said, everyone who commits fraud should be held to account and she is committing a criminal offence. It is difficult as it would involve betraying a friend, however she is taking my (and yours) money and needs to stop.

coppertop · 19/05/2010 11:38

You might resent her income but I bet you wouldn't want to be looking over your shoulder for the next 5+ years like she will be.

I would forget about reporting her but forget about the friendship. If she asks you why then tell her the truth. I would also tell her that if you know what she's up to then other people will too and that they might report her. It may be enough to scare her into putting things right.

Cammelia · 19/05/2010 11:39

Explain to her that she's playing a very dangerous game - anyone could report her or she could get caught by the benefits agency themselves. What she's doing is an imprisonable offence. The husband is complicit as well but its her who will get punished as its her claim.

I am amazed that she has managed to get married and have 2 further children without any of this coming to the attention of the benfits agency already.

The children could so easily inadvertently give the game away as well.

The longer it goes on the more dangerous and the greater the punishment if/when caught.
Do what your conscience tells you.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2010 11:40

Yes, if you are going to report her you can't keep being friends with her and not tell her, surely?

Stretch · 19/05/2010 11:42

How is she claiming fraudulently if she's married?
When I got married, I rang tax credits, and they already knew I got married, (this was only 2 weeks later and was just for a namechange), and they share info with child benefit and IS/JSA etc.. So how is she doing it?

Cammelia · 19/05/2010 11:45

There are no good consequences from this situation for you. You can't live with the resentment so the friendship is dead anyway.

Original poster
BottleOfRum · 19/05/2010 11:46

Thats the thing though.... I DON'T want to lose her friendship. Not just that, but everyone in our group is intertwined... If I just stopped being her friend, I would lose out on a lovely friendship group. What I would do, if I do report her, is do it behind her back and never breathe a word to anyone about it. Is the level of deceit I am prepared to do, as bad as what she is doing?

Stretch... no idea how she is getting away with it, but she is. Her child benefit, housing benefit etc etc is all still addressed to her using her maiden name, she's never informed them of the name change.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2010 11:47

You can't report her and still be friends...how guilty would you feel? And how terribly two faced that is!!!!

What would you do when she came crying to you thinking you were her friend??

Cobwebsontheceiling · 19/05/2010 11:50

I would talk to her and explain how much you value her friendship but that it is also hard for you to watch her claiming what she is not entitled to. Ask her to decalre it or explain that you'll have to report her.

Then at least you haven't been two faced.

I would have to report her too though. It is wrong.

Original poster
BottleOfRum · 19/05/2010 11:50

Fanjo - I suppose I would act sympathetic, and say how horrible it was for her. I KNOW its two faced, thats why I was asking what people would do!

If you 100% weren't willing to sacrafice the friendship, would you just then accept you have to live with her benefits fraud?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2010 11:52

I don't see how you can call her a true friend if you would do that to her though - not saying you shouldn't report her, but i don't think you can report her and stay her friend.

Original poster
BottleOfRum · 19/05/2010 11:59

Thats my dilemma then I suppose. I'm really not willing to lose her friendship over this, so I guess I shouldn't do anything then.

And as for all those people who said speak to her and warn her about how wrong it is to do what she's doing - I've never wanted to do that for two reasons 1) If I ever did report her at a later date, she would suspect it was me, I would be cast out of our friendship group for 'grassing' on a friend, I imagine and 2) She wouldn't change, I know she wouldnt. She would continue to claim fraudulently, and nothing I would say would make a difference.

OP posts:
Cammelia · 19/05/2010 12:05

Like I said earlier, its your conscience. I guess you are complicit as well if you know the truth and don't do anything about it.

IveStillGotIt · 19/05/2010 22:25

Like someone said earlier, I cant understand how she hasn't been caught, even without being reported? When she got married, im assuming the marraige would have been registered with the local council? and im sure all the councils are linked to gov. agencys i.e tax office, DWP e.t.c.
I reported a 'friend' a couple of years ago (ive actually reported a few 'jeremy kyle' type neighbours as well), because she was claiming she was a single parent, when infact her dp was living with her.
I didn't report her straight away, because I thought she was a good friend, however that all changed one day in the run up to xmas.
I had split up from my dp (we're back together now), so I was a single working parent, and I could only afford to spend £100 on ds that xmas, and I had her on the phone bragging about how she had spent £700 EACH on her 3 dc's, she then started saying I was tight and that my ds was going to have a shite xmas! WTF!!!
This made me really angry, cause the reason she could spoil her dc's, was because she was fraudulently claiming, and I was on the straight and had rent and council tax to pay, therefor, I couldn't blow 3x£700 on gifts.
As soon as I got off the phone to her, I phoned the benefit fraud hotline.

MrsRhettButler · 19/05/2010 22:29

you should tell her what you are going to do, you are supposed to be her friend!
she probably won't want to be friends with you afterwards though but you should be honest to her as that is what you want her to be... honest

MrsRhettButler · 19/05/2010 22:33

if you don't want to lose the friendship then keep quiet.

yes, i think it is as bad as what she is doing if you do this sneakily

DuelingFanjo · 19/05/2010 22:36

at Slippingthroughmyfingers

colditz · 19/05/2010 22:39

Anonymous note through the door

"Stop defrauding the benefits system. You have 30 days to sort this out, we will be reporting you on June the 17th if you aren't on the straight.

Yours

A Neighbour"

(unless you ARE her neighbour)

Drusilla · 19/05/2010 22:43

Do you really want ot be friends with someone is committing fraud on that level?

IveStillGotIt · 19/05/2010 22:44

colditz- I think thats an excellent idea!
As the op doesn't want to end the friendship, I think posting an anonymous note might be the kick up the arse her friend needs!