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Just found porn on the computer

27 replies

chrimbot · 17/12/2009 19:01

I know men do look at porn and it doesn't have anything do do with me blah blah, but I've just found lots of porn sites on the laptop for the first time. My DH has been having some problems at work, and I've tried to be supportive, but sometimes I feel that his work problems are always there and it's like an emotional rollercoaster of him saying his job is terrible and he's about to be fired etc and then it always turns out OK, but it means we can't plan anything. We cant think about having another child or even go on holiday in case he loses his job. I work too, but part time and he is the main breadwinner. |I don't know the likelihood of him losing his job as he's an incredibly pessimistic person by nature. I just feel so annoyed with him sometimes and yesterday was one of those days. I felt exhausted by the stress of it and didn't know how to be sympathetic or supportive when I didnt feel like it. But back to the porn- do you think it's a symptom of him being unhappy? would you raise it with him and ask him, or just leave it?

OP posts:
OhChristmasTEEOhChristmasTEE · 17/12/2009 19:02

Just leave it. Or watch it with him.

I doubt it has anything to do with being unhappy.

And if you both want a baby, have a baby. There is never a right time to have a baby. Ever.

hollyroger · 17/12/2009 19:04

men watch porn because they are horny. Happiness has nowt to do with it.

winnybella · 17/12/2009 19:05

If you weren't snooping, I would mention it.
But generally it's not a big deal, a lot of men like it, whatever.

chrimbot · 17/12/2009 20:04

We've not been having sex very often either, and a lot of the time I have to ask for it. I wasn't snooping, it was just in the browsing history.Maybe I will ask him about it. We're normally very open, but it's just because I've been annoyed i feel I can't say anything and face another 'oh I'm so stressed out and everything is terrible and my life is at an end and nobody understands how hard I work etc etc' scenario.
The baby thing is another thing- he is the one who is more certain that he wants two DC's but he keeps saying not yet, not yet because of the debts, which I think we could sort out, but I dont think we can do it if I go on another maternity leave. I feel the pressure is on me to go back to work full time just for us to have a bit of stability and I cant do that if we have anther dc. I know i'm going completely off the point...

OP posts:
RainRainGoAway · 17/12/2009 20:08

I keep finding 'Isla jumps on Big Mans Dick' etc on Dh's laptop. etc.

We are very happy together and although I am obviously not totally thrilled about this I accept that I probably don't have sex as often as he would like (as he would like to every day - twice a week is obviously not enough to him). I figure he needs to have some kind of 'release' and this helps him.

Most blokes and many women use porn. When I have come across it in the browsing history I just comment 'had a wank last night then?' in a light way as I don't want to alienate him but I want to let him know I am aware of what he is up to.

RainRainGoAway · 17/12/2009 20:09

And agree - there are never perfect circumstances for having a baby.

peachygirl · 17/12/2009 20:13

I also recently found DH had been looking at porn on the computer.

In hindsight it's pretty hilarious as I discovered this was the case as I went on the computer and touched something wet on the desk... I LICKED it to identify it.. ... the taste was familiar... It slowly dawned on me what it meant.

I wasn't snooping and have spoken to Dh about it. We haven't been having lots of sex, small baby unruly toddler, illness stress at work etc etc.

I have pretty much accepted it. As the other posters say men do it. I know Dh loves me and our sex life will come back.

threetimemummy · 17/12/2009 20:19

Totally off topic - but peachy why on earth did you LICK it!! ROFL!!!

On topic - meh!! Guys are visual.

threetimemummy · 17/12/2009 20:23

Sorry, talking of visuals, and sorry to go OT again but peachy I am in hysterics and have visions of a woman walking up to a computer table, seeing something wet and going, hmm what is that? Then leaning down and licking it and then the dawn of comprehension on your face!!!

peachygirl · 17/12/2009 20:23

I touched it then licked it.

It is truly my mumsnet moment!

Georgimama · 17/12/2009 20:26

I think the main question is, after you licked it did you spit it into a tissue, or swallow?

OhChristmasTEEOhChristmasTEE · 17/12/2009 20:29

Sorry OP but LOL Georgimama!!!

chrimbot · 17/12/2009 20:30

That gives me a chance to go off topic, even though I'm the OP- What is ROFL??!!

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, or maybe I need to talk to him about my feelings anyway, regardless of the porn instead of beating about the bush, so to speak!

OP posts:
princessmel · 17/12/2009 20:32

Rolling On The Floor Laughing ROFL

lOL Peachy!!!!

princessmel · 17/12/2009 20:32

Op I'd either casually mention it or leave it.

ChickandDuck · 17/12/2009 20:35

I'm concerned when i don't find porn on the computer and we have a healthy (IMO) sex life... perhaps not in his though

chrimbot · 17/12/2009 21:08

Yeah- maybe I'll just mention it jokingly- he's out with his mates tonight, so will have had a drink or 10

OP posts:
Bigbadmummy · 17/12/2009 21:18

I am sorry for hijacking this thread but peachy I ahve just wet myself.

everlong · 17/12/2009 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chrimbot · 19/12/2009 10:00

I did mention it jokingly ( I wanted to tell him about Peachy, but couldn't ;0 and it works out that he has a whole different login on the computer, where he looks at the porn sites. I also think he has a different Facebook login that I don't know about. Do you think this puts a different slant on it?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 19/12/2009 10:06

yes.the facebook thing is worrying,as is peachy's licking habits

spicemonster · 19/12/2009 10:06

Why do you think he has another fb account?

Tortington · 19/12/2009 10:10

if it were me op

" dh found your porn on puter. make sure you don't wank over the keyboard"

chrimbot · 19/12/2009 10:48

I think he has another fb account because when I was on this other login on the laptop, which he had forgotten to log out of, I tried to get onto my facebook and another name came up in the memory, which I hadn't seen before. He hasn't mntioned the porn since I mentioned it.I'm a bit rubbish with confrontation and don't know what I'm accusing him of really- I don't think he's having an affair, because he's always at home or work. I'm just more worried we're sleepwalking into marital problems and he either doesn't think so, or doesn't care.

OP posts:
Fibilou · 21/12/2009 12:24

When I found some on ours I just made a sarky joke about it to make sure DH knew that I am not stupid and had caught him out.

The fact that he'd gone to ridiculous lengths to hide it annoyed me more than the material itself and I told him as much.

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