so my attacker apparently wants to apologise, and I don't know what to do

[DoIForgiveAndForget]

I am a regular, have namechanged as I think the person involved knows about this website and I can't be too careful. If you know who I am, please don't out me.

9 months ago, well, saying that, a year ago it started, my 'friend' started being funny with me, didn't really think anything of it, I didn't believe we were joined at the hip or anything! But I did think we were pretty good friends, she was there the day my son was born, I am godmother to her son, we did quite a lot together. Then it started that she would go off with other people, not invite me, or worse, arrange to meet me, then not turn up. Well, I thought, oh well get on with it, life goes on. Then one day 9 months ago, outside school, she started taunting me. I walked away. She chased after me. She started an arguement with me. I tried to walk away again. In the end, she ended up punching me several times and knocking me unconscious in front of my children. I was taken to hospital and had xrays on my face, nothing broken thank goodness, but I was very sore and bruised and had a very swollen black eye. I presed charges, she got off with a warning. DH wanted me to persue it but I hadn't got the stregth. I was 99% sure I was PG, but that night I bled heavily, pretty sure it was a MC.

I have spent months scared of seeing her. My eldest daughter has been the worst affected. Whenever we have seen this woman out and about, dd will come running over to me petrified.

Anyway, another mum who was there when all this happened said that she apologised to her about it, and that she really wants to apologise to me. She told her that she can't bare to see my dd so scared of her, and apparently has tried to approach me a few times recently to apologise but she has bottled out. But then a couple of months ago I know she was 'bad mouthing' me in the salon she visits (my friend was in there at the time)

The assault was 9 months ago now, and part of me thinks that 9 months is too long? But then part of me also wants to hear it for the kids sake, for them to be able to draw a line under it? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I will be friends with her again, but maybe it would stop the tension so much in the playground and help my kids move on? We have a lot of mutual friends which makes it hard with me meeting up with them as I am always checking if she will be there first as to whether I can go or not. Usually she is, so as a consequence, I don't feel that I can. Maybe she only wants to apologise so that she can say that she has? If that makes sense? Oh I don't know, I am gonna be scared to see her again now thinking that she might approach me. Do I let her apologise, and more to the point, should I accept it?? Oh, I don't know.

I think you need to be in control of the situation. It feels like she is making the running here - her reasons for doing so are immaterial. WHat is important is what YOU want to do.

Under the principle of Restorative Justice, it can be a worthwhile experience for both sides to come together to "repair the harm and look to the future in some positive and safe way" - their words.

But I would say that this can only be done in a safe environment - where you can be sure that you and your kids get what you need from it.

If you feel that you and your family could achieve something from meeting for an apology, and you are clear why that would be of benefit, you could have a look at the members list of the Restorative Justice people and see if there is a service near you that could help oversee it.

It might be a lot of work to set something up that you are in control of, but if you feel it would help you then it might be worth it.

If you decide that you have nothig to gain from interacting with her, then that's your decision. Don't be swayed by what others may or may not be thinking.

I WOULD NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WHITH HER AT ALL EVER AGAIN

God, so you have to see her quite alot then. You poor thing.
I would try and work something out, just to get...uck...closure of some kind.

rainrain im not sure she believes it. the rumours (and they are just that!) started after, people making up their own reasons for doing what she did, cos as far as people were concerned (and me!) there was no reason at all. People round here do like to gossip.

i can't change my housing situation.

Buggers. Horrible people doing that.

Of course an excuse. How else do you try to condone those actions. She's mental.

People really have nothing better to do. They're like high school kids gossiping in the playground. To be honest i would cut all ties with all people involved. They are not the type of people you want to be associated with by the sound of it. I hate gossip and i never talk to anyone other than a select few at my DD's school. I drop her off and collect her and thats it.

This woman seems like an attention seeker. If she split with her husband previously, my guess is she's probably having trouble again and vented on you as unfortunately you were the one to help them sort things out.
She's loving all the attention. Stop worrying about her and concentrate on your kids.

thanks everyone. I have to leave for school now (and hope I don't see her today) be back later hopefully. thank you for all your words, given me a lot to think about. really appreciate it.

Crikey what a nutjob. I woulnd't go anywhere near her ever ever again.

Don't worry about what people think of you, your own safety and sanity are more important than cosying up to this loon to make others feel better.

These mutual friends sound shite tell them to get lost too. I think you need some other friends ASAP

There are a lot of people out there that make good friends. All these people have replied to you without even knowing your real name. You deserve a better circle of people around you and i trust due to your nature that you will find them. Just get rid of the losers you have at the moment. Out eith the old and in with the new i say!

Sorry your going through this, If she wanted to apoligise then she would have at the time and the police would have helped both her and you with this. She would not be starting more gossip to justify her actions/behaviour.

Could you speak to the headteacher about her starting again with the gossip and see if you could arange for your dd to come out at a different time so you can avoid and contact with this person.

Surely if she wanted to apologise she could just send you a letter.

Why does it have to be such an official gesture with others involved? To create more drama as others have said.

sorry i had to go do the school run. She tried to catch up with me walking home, but I walked a bit faster than her. At least I now have the weekend, and I will talk to DH about it later as well.

I agree she sounds like a lunatic. I would steer clear.

Restraining order. no contact, no apology accepted, restraining order.

i dont know. assault. not sure in what context, abh, gbh etc (if any)