Local Mum seems overly keen to push our children together/ share lifts etc....I'm not keen

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Background: Have known this family for 3-4 years. Kids at school with mine (DS + her DS in same class).
My DS is not particularly friendly with her kids, but gets along with them OK if need be.

They have recently moved closer to us, and we are now more obviously on their 'school run' route.

The mum has recently started barraging me/DS with invitations for tea, parties, a sleepover etc. I feel slightly uncomfortable, as I feel like it's part of a 'plan' of hers to 'groom' us for future childcare/ lifts.
So far I've found excuses for us/DS not to go, or reasons (often genuine) why we can't pick up her kids etc. I had kind of hoped she'd get the message?
BUT she just keeps banging on, offering alternative dates, other lift shares etc etc.

I feel like I don't want to accept ANY of her invitations for fear of 'opening the floodgates' IYSWIM?

Thing is, she works full time, and she is always farming her children off to various people's houses after school... I work from home, and we have a good routine whereby my kids do their homework, and then play pretty quietishly while I finish things off for the day. Her kids are loud, boisterous and obviously don't understand out family situation (e.g. on one rare occasion when I helped her out in an 'emergency' her 8 year old burst into my office (depite having been told by my two not to) waving a lightsabre and shrieking, while I was on the phone to a client )

DS isn't bothered either way. I just don't know whether I should just keep saying 'no thanks' or be more blunt and say 'sorry, but I don't want to become part of your childcare plan'

WWYD?

The issue I have with it is that our DSs have a few close friends and they and their parents are always welome at our house more or less without warning but they are friends and they do not abuse that open welcome.

I find some people to be quite pushy and abusive of the generosity of others though.

If the truth be told, the woman that I spoke of earlier has never allowed me into her house. She is very fortunate to live in a lovely place and I could see through her large windows that it was immaculate.
She did tsk at the state of our place though.

Bloody hell, this is all a bit harsh on the OP. She doesn't like a woman who is forcing social contact/unwilling childcare on her. Fair enough. The reasons why she doesn't like the woman are irrelevant to the WWYD question. And I know exactly what she means - I have a friend who buys/barters childcare favours and I resent it. These people do exist.

As to what I'd do - keep saying no thanks. Eventually, she'll drop you.

And slag you off to anyone who will listen

Couldn't agree with you more, Hassled. Think some of the posters on here are being a bit ridiculous.

We're all entitled to like/not like different people and life really is too short to impose those that you are not drawn to (and, in this case, who are trying to take advantage of you) on your life and the lives of your DCs. We're not dolphins fgs - we are allowed to decide who we want to spend time with.

Stating the bloody obvious, of course you don't have to like everybody. But sometimes a bit of insight into why you don't isn't bad. Then you may see that "they're not like us" is a pretty ridiculous reason.

Oh, and the pasta thing which seems to amount to "different values".

In fairness, Cristina, the "they're not like us" only came much, much later after the OP had given loads of very good, very sensible reasons why she wasn't keen.

Stillstanding - I know but it's what I had suspected all along (see back to my first post on this). I think we all take a natural or instictive like or dislike to people and that's just the way we are. But I think it does us good to be honest with ourselves and not try and find additional faults in others. The bit about what the other woman gave her DS to eat is, frankly, beyond snobbish, it's ridiculously petty and small-minded.

Still don't get it, is it not the "friend " who is inviting OP's children?? Has she actually asked for OP to look after her children?
My dc would jump up at any opportunity to visit other maybe not so close friends.
When dc friends are here they often get "junk" food to eat, especially if it's there first time (so yes, pasta, sausages, chicken nuggets (I actually suspect that may be the reason dc invite all sorts of friends .)

oh FFS - what's so very wrong with saying 'they're not like us' - the snobby interpretation is yours, not mine...

OK so, it could have been better worded, I could have said

"we don't have any interests in common"
"I find I haven't much to say to this woman"
"we don't agree on much, which makes it hard to find commmon ground for a conversation"
"I don't feel that this is someone I particularly want to invite into my closer circle of friends"

We all makes decisions about who we like, and have things in common with, every day - that's how friendships are made.

It's not on the basis of "one farking convenience meal" - as I clearly stated, I have known her for nearly 4 years, as a fellow mum at the gates, and DS has been to theirs a few times and I've had her children to ours a few times to help her out.

My point was that she has now moved, and we are now the 'closest' school family and she very clearly has made a decision to make us part of her 'emergency network' because we are so convenient (for her).

I don't believe a word of her 'DS really wants your DS to come round' malarky. Today it turns out that she is away on business 3 days next week, so I very much suspect my hunch was right and she will be ringing round for favours for those days.

Tryharder - you obviously didn't read the posts properly - I am a working mother too, but the difference is that I've organised by work to fit in around my childcare responsibilities, rather than planning to impose on someone else pick up the slack.

As regards the other stuff, yes, I do care about my kids' safety in cars, and actually yes, when they're had a packed lunch at school and a friend invites them over I do like to think they'll be offered something half nutritious to eat.
Can't see that any of that makes me snobbish - I'd call it caring in my book?

It's clear that if you haven't ever been on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour that you really don't understand why it is so irritating. Whoever said that you just get a 'hunch' was right.... the smarmy phone call comes about a week beforehand... insistent and pressing.. her child is soooooo keen to see your, blah, blah. you say no, but another date is suggested, and another until you think 'what the hell' and cave in to a playdate.
Then a week later you get 'the call' - and you suddenly instantly realise you've been set up (again).... "oh dear... I need a favour"

Pah. Parasites. And if you don't know people like this you're lucky.

I tell you, this woman is a loon, and a persistent one at that. I've politely declined three invitations and she still hasn't got the message.

Tonight I asked my DS how often he plays with her DS. He looked at me and said, "who? X? Never. Why?"

Nuff said.

Don't get so annoyed. Yes, you could have worded it better and you wouldn't have come across as quite so petty. Perhaps that's her problem too, one of how she comes across? Anyhow, I've never met someone quite like that and as a full-time WOHM I can't imagine relying or imposing on some stranger like that for childcare. And you're obviously just acquainatnces. But what I can see too is that she is reciprocating and she is actually feeding your DS even if it's not exactly what you'd like her to.

She sounds a PITA.

DW just came from picking up DS2. She says she was definitley just targeted by another mother as it is coming up half-term. It happens every holidday like clock work.

It was the same mother who came up to me last night who i have never soke to before but was ever so chatty and tonight DW got asked if DSs would like to go round on Saturday. Nicely timed for a return favour during half term no doubt.

No. Was the answer.

OMG you are all suspicious and paranoid. Just hear yourselves: groomed, targeted etc.

Christina - you've said yourself, you've never met anyone like this..... honestly they DO exist!

It isn't an over-exaggeration, I feel very much stalked, groomed, targeted, harassed - whatever you want to call it!

BetaDad - half-term - blardy hell - I'd forgotten about that - that's probably what this woman has in mind too - aargh!

Does she really not have any childcare arrangements? I've had my parents over 1000 miles to help me out with childcare problems because I couldn't ask someone down the road to look after the DCs a couple of evenings when both DH and I were caught up with work. So no, I haven't met anyone like this.

OTOH I have invited children over for playdates w/o ever having spoken to their mums before, just because my DCs genuinely wanted it and w/o an ulterior motive. Also I think at least with the younger ages some children can feel they have more of a bond with another child than the other one does, they don't all "get" the social cues of the other party not being so keen on them. Which perhaps should make it doubly embarrassing when you invite a child and their mum has never heard of either you or your DC. Luckily, I'm not that much in the playground so the gossip doesn't bother me. And I haven't yet recognised myself in any of these MN threads either!