Local Mum seems overly keen to push our children together/ share lifts etc....I'm not keen

[whippet]

Background: Have known this family for 3-4 years. Kids at school with mine (DS + her DS in same class).
My DS is not particularly friendly with her kids, but gets along with them OK if need be.

They have recently moved closer to us, and we are now more obviously on their 'school run' route.

The mum has recently started barraging me/DS with invitations for tea, parties, a sleepover etc. I feel slightly uncomfortable, as I feel like it's part of a 'plan' of hers to 'groom' us for future childcare/ lifts.
So far I've found excuses for us/DS not to go, or reasons (often genuine) why we can't pick up her kids etc. I had kind of hoped she'd get the message?
BUT she just keeps banging on, offering alternative dates, other lift shares etc etc.

I feel like I don't want to accept ANY of her invitations for fear of 'opening the floodgates' IYSWIM?

Thing is, she works full time, and she is always farming her children off to various people's houses after school... I work from home, and we have a good routine whereby my kids do their homework, and then play pretty quietishly while I finish things off for the day. Her kids are loud, boisterous and obviously don't understand out family situation (e.g. on one rare occasion when I helped her out in an 'emergency' her 8 year old burst into my office (depite having been told by my two not to) waving a lightsabre and shrieking, while I was on the phone to a client )

DS isn't bothered either way. I just don't know whether I should just keep saying 'no thanks' or be more blunt and say 'sorry, but I don't want to become part of your childcare plan'

WWYD?

OMG, how do you know so many details about someone who's not even your friend? I have NO idea what random acquaintances feed their children. Is it just from gossip?

Cristina - no, not gossip, - like I said, we have 'known' them for 3-4 years, so my DS has been to theirs occasionally, and has also occasionally had lifts from them etc.

He has told me these things, and commented in a way that I know means HE is not very happy about them.

I know about the attitude to property thing because I have experienced it first hand....

'Just not really our sort of people.' do people really say this sort of thing?

whippet - we are in exctly the same sitation as you. DW and me working from home. Your suspicion that you are being set up by a working mother looking to farm her kids out is spot on. Resist all attempts at all costs. It is totally calculated and by the sound of it she just does not want to pay chldcare and knows exactly when her shifts are going to be and 'books in a favour' ahead of time. We have been plagued for years with this kind of behaviour from other mothers. As far as we are concerned, there are clear rules.

RULE 1: If you are a working parent you pay for childcare out of your wages and do not assume we will want to do it for free.

RULE 2: Do not dress up your real reason for asking for a 'playdate' as if it is being instigated by our 5 yr old.

RULE 3: Do not ask us to look after your child, as a sharp rebuttal from us is really intended to offend.

Your DS has commented on pasta with tomato ketchup and cocktail sausages? Spontaneously or upon quizzing? What if they were, like, really organic and home-made?

Cross off the home-made. See thread tonight, home-made may be yucky.

ABetaDad - what if they offerred to pay? Ha, ha, don't answer, esp. if you are going to employ your rule no. 3 and say something really insulting intending to really insult.

Yes, people DO say 'not our sort of people' - different values, different attitudes, different behaviour - not a judgement, just an observation - they are not like us, and the majority of our friends .

And yes, my son commented on the pasta with tomato ketchup in response to me asking (after one visit to their house) 'did you have any tea?' He didn't like it. He thought it was a weird meal, and I agreed with him.

Why can't your kids just say that THEY don't want to play with the other kids. I would not dream of making my children play with people they did not like.
Some playdates that were invited were like this, stealing things and breaking toys on purpose..they were not invited again.
Just tell her you work from home and your kids know to keep out of your way and you can't possibly keep an eye on her children.

What's wrong with pasta and tomato ketchup. My two love it

Probably nothing for toddlers... but my son is 10!

"they are not like us, and the majority of our friends" which, again, is what it boils down to.

oh dear,from the wrong side of the tracks is she

CristinaTA - it would need to be a lot.

We have also been in the position of being "sitting ducks" as we used to both work from a home office. In laws, friend and random acquaintances all thought it was OK to drop in for coffee, ring for favours, ask us to pick their kids up and entertain them, because we were "already at home" and "flexible" with our working hours. We put up with it for a while then got stroppy. Well, I got stroppy. With FIL who rang to ask me to "pop out" and do something that was 10 miles away because we were closer. Pick up a magazine that had an interesting article or something, and that afternoon as he wanted to show it to his mates that evening.

There IS a difference between genuine friendliness and reciprocal playdates, and being groomed for future favours. And you CAN tell by instinct.

Run, run like the wind...

Pasta and hotdogs is OK now and then.

ABetaDad - everyone has their price, everyone

CristinaTA* - we tend to agree with the quote from Linda Evangelista: "We don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day"

ABetaDad - have you ever considered volunteering?

as I don't know how it comes across.

When this thread started, I knew it would boil down to this: "not our kind of people"

When all said and done, OP thinks she's a cut above this women and her kids. The sad thing is that so many on here are agreeing with her.

OP, how can you judge someone because of one farking convenience meal? I feel so sorry for this poor woman and her kids - she's clearly been tried and found guilty by you and your posh friends acting as judge and jury.

I am particularly at the portrayal of working mothers as freeloading scroungers looking to offload their kids on complete strangers... heavens above... avoid childcare costs. How very dare they??!!!

Volunteering for what?

Not everyone on this thread feels that way Tryharder. Some of us have been put in difficult situations because we tried to help. It had nothing to do with status but a lot to do with genuinely caring that their children were ok.

tryharder, what???

many of the people on this thread are working parents, they just happen to be working from home/flexible hours.

the OP herself is a working mother.