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If your teens asked you if they could hold a party?

39 replies

notadailymailreader · 21/05/2009 23:51

Ds is 18 and dd is 16 and they have approached us tonight to ask if they would be allowed to have a BBQ/party to celebrate the end of their exams. They've had parties before, but dh and I have always been upstairs and it's only been a select few friends, and we have vetted them beforehand.

Dh and I have been discussing it, and he is fine with it, on the understanding that there'll be no spirits or Class A's, and we will be right round the corner with some friends of ours. Upstairs will also be totally off-limits.

Are we completely bloody mad? They want to invite 10 friends each. They are pretty sensible kids and I like their friends but we won't have met all of them and I'm a bit worried about having people we don't know in our house!!

OP posts:
MummyTeacher · 21/05/2009 23:53

No Class A's?!?
No drugs at all!!!

And if the parties I held as a teen are anything to go by, I'd not leave the premises IIWY

Tortington · 21/05/2009 23:54

i wouldn't do it

in fact dd - who is really sensible - wants some mates round for an after prom drink/pissfest.

i said no.

notadailymailreader · 21/05/2009 23:58

MummyT - we do smoke a bit of weed now and again though (though the dc's don't AFAIK), so I'm pretty relaxed about that. I don't want some scrawny kid having a whitey and chucking up in my peonies though!

Custy - you say no? I really don't feel 100% comfortable with the idea but I don't want to say no because how can they prove themselves to be responsible if I never give them the chance?

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Tortington · 22/05/2009 00:01

well mine aren't proving it in my house with my things - let someone elses mum take that chance!

i wouldn't stop them going somewhere else necessarily (depending on the details)

harleyd · 22/05/2009 00:06

hell no!
let someone elses parents deal with the mess/puke/people shagging in the bedrooms

notadailymailreader · 22/05/2009 00:08

You make a very valid point (as per usual!) - how would you feel about them going camping or having a party in nearby woods? This was the alternative that the dc mooted in case of a party veto. I'm less comfortable with that as it's slightly further away and we will be less able to monitor it but am curious to know what you think.

OP posts:
notadailymailreader · 22/05/2009 00:09

No! Shagging in the bedrooms! Nooooo!!

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MummyTeacher · 22/05/2009 00:10

I appreciate that you may smoke weed at home, but I wouldn't like to deal with another parent who's child got stoned in my house.
They are still children.

I have been to some wicked house parties in my teens. But there is no way I'd let my boys host one!! To much puke mess to clear up.

harleyd · 22/05/2009 00:12

not to mention fag burns in the settee, ahcohol stains on the carpet, smashed stuff, gatecrashers

...i still get invited to parties like that

MummyTeacher · 22/05/2009 00:17

I'd love to still get invited to parties like that harleyd

Hey notadailymailreader! Can I come to your kids party?!

notadailymailreader · 22/05/2009 00:19

harleyd - we have, on occasion, been to parties like that. We also go up near Sheffield and go to outdoor raves in the summer (the dc stay with their grandparents! Heh...) - we used to go in the winter but we're much less hardcore now. We have a camper van and everything, oh the shame.

I think the weed thing is a bit of a red herring - AFAIK neither dc smoke (dd is a fervent anti-smoker!) but we said absolutely no Class A's as I don't want pills or coke in the house but don't want to make a hypocrite out of myself. At the same time, I don't want to be seen to be condoning drug use, especially to my dc's friends who may have less lenient parents.

I think we'll have to say no. I'm just not comfortable with the idea. Maybe 2 friends each for a family BBQ - we have a couple of families whose dc's are the same age as ours and they are all friends, so maybe we'll do that instead. Of course, if ds wants to fuck off down the pub with his mates I can't stop him!

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/05/2009 00:46

there is a popular meeting point in a wooded area near the beach - i wouldnt call it 'woods' - theres a few trees. anyway. eldest ds asked if he could go get drunk with mates - he was about 16 = i said fine as long as i take him and i pick him up

and it worked out fine.

i think thats a decision that is a personal thing depending on the location and the kid

i certainly wouldnt let ds2 do the same thing for example.

and i wouldnt let dd do it either.

notadailymailreader · 22/05/2009 00:51

See, dd and ds look out for each other, which is nice - and would make me more inclined to let them go to the woods. It is private land (owned by one of their friend's parents) so not populated by smack heads and littered with used condoms but it is more isolated than, say, our back garden and adult help would be further away should it be needed. OTOH, no fag burns in sofas or puke to be cleared up!

I just feel like a bit of a hypocrite as when I was 18 I used to go to all-night outdoor raves off my head on MDMA and acid! Now, I wouldn't encourage that for my dc but tbh a small BBQ with friends seems vaguely tame in comparison!!

OP posts:
skramble · 22/05/2009 01:00

I once worked at a 16th birthday party where they had huge shared gardens, so they hired a big marquee, had a Dj and a sweety buffet, did have beer, they all brought sleeping bags to sleep over, and a burger van pulled up about 10.30 and they all had burgers for supper. All in all it was cool, did have a few silly boys getting drunk and a few couples getting a bit to hands on.

SOLOisMeredithGrey · 22/05/2009 01:00

Couldn't you stay in the house upstairs or something while the dc's were having their bbq? at least you'd know then that all should be well...

notadailymailreader · 22/05/2009 01:07

skramble - that sounds v expensive!! Don't be fooled by the dc's parents owning land, we live in the sticks surrounded by toffs rich people!

Ds and dd were quite keen for us not to be home, as that's what we've done before, and I think they felt that they wanted to ramp up the responsibility IYSWIM. Ds is off to Uni in October - I can't help but think that some practice in cleaning up after a party would be a good thing, although preferably not in my house!

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SOLOisMeredithGrey · 22/05/2009 01:09


notadailymailreader · 22/05/2009 01:11

DC's friend's parents, that should say. Sorry, it's v late and I should be in bed!

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nappyaddict · 22/05/2009 01:31

I would let them have it. Just state no smoking in the house and lock all breakables away. Oh and no red wine!

Tambajam · 22/05/2009 05:39

I would let them have one.

AnyFucker · 22/05/2009 07:27


for the Love of God, nooooooooo

do you value your house, your lovely beds, your garden, your reputation ?

there is no way on earth I would let teenagers have a party in my house

my kids are ok, but I don't trut them to control the behaviour of others who have no interest in looking out for your property

noddyholder · 22/05/2009 07:30

I think its fine.I know it can be a worry re drugs etc but that is something where you need to lay down the law and then trust i suppose.I doubt there are many people who look back on their teens parties and say they truly regret it.At the time there may be a few marks on the house/garden but it will eventually become just another memory.I think it will be fine.My ds is 15 and has been to a couple of these type of parties and it has all been fine esp with parents close by x

bigchris · 22/05/2009 07:48

I went to a 16th b/day party once
No parents were there
18 year old boys tunred up
There was shagging, smoking, drinking and a moonlight walk
Everyone and everything was fine in the morning

noddyholder · 22/05/2009 08:00

.There is nothing material that isn't replaceable.My ds has been offered a party and hasn't wanted one although has groups to stay over from time to time and all has been fine

harleyd · 22/05/2009 08:05

"I doubt there are many people who look back on their teens parties and say they truly regret it.At the time there may be a few marks on the house/garden but it will eventually become just another memory"

hmm, im 34...and to this day my dad still wont give me a spare key to his house

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