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Original poster

If your teens asked you if they could hold a party?

39 replies

notadailymailreader · 21/05/2009 23:51

Ds is 18 and dd is 16 and they have approached us tonight to ask if they would be allowed to have a BBQ/party to celebrate the end of their exams. They've had parties before, but dh and I have always been upstairs and it's only been a select few friends, and we have vetted them beforehand.

Dh and I have been discussing it, and he is fine with it, on the understanding that there'll be no spirits or Class A's, and we will be right round the corner with some friends of ours. Upstairs will also be totally off-limits.

Are we completely bloody mad? They want to invite 10 friends each. They are pretty sensible kids and I like their friends but we won't have met all of them and I'm a bit worried about having people we don't know in our house!!

OP posts:
bellavita · 22/05/2009 08:17

My employers went away and their son (who was approaching 17) decided to have a party. My employers did know about it beforehand and laid down rules and regs. Other family members are very very nearby. Party all going fine, everyone behaving.

Turned out someone sent a text round/put it out over tinternet that there would be a party going on at xyz and a lot of undesirables turned up and it was not very pleasant. Luckily the family members were there to sort it out.

skramble · 23/05/2009 16:22

I would look at hiring a function suite or nightclub, before there normal hours and get all over with there.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 23/05/2009 16:26

On paper it's fine but once word gets out there'll be a whole lot more than 10 friends each.

At a party my ds2 went to last summer the guests removed all the furniture, ornaments etc from the living room and rearranged it on the lawn.

Paolosgirl · 23/05/2009 16:30

As someone who had a party "for close friends" only to find that word got out and it became close friends plus gatecrashers, I would say no!

Hiring a venue might be a better option, if you can find one who will accept that age group - many won't simply because of the inevitable shennanigans.

Tee2072 · 23/05/2009 16:44

At 18 and 16 they are hardly children.

I think I would want to be upstairs, but even if I was around the corner, I would let them have their party.

And yes, I was pretty wild at 18 and 16, but I was still allowed to have parties!

mamamila · 23/05/2009 16:56

i think if you have the space and they've never violated the house before they should be able to have a party but i would want to hovver around in some role. the fact is that parties are all work for hosts so your kids should appreciate an offer to help with food/ drinks etc

my ds (nearly 17) went to a party recently and the friend's parents were around and he described the (very posh) mum as 'a legend'. she did distribute cigarettes and sausage butties next morning!

TheFallenMadonna · 23/05/2009 16:58

God I am dreading the day when I need to make it explicit to my children that they are not allowed to bring class A drugs into the house...

TheFallenMadonna · 23/05/2009 17:00

I would be though at the notion that they want you to not be there in order to notch up the responsibility in preparation for going to university. It sounds a nice idea, but...

Hassled · 23/05/2009 17:06

I wouldn't agree at all, and I certainly wouldn't leave the premises. I'm sure you can trust your kids, but can you trust their friends? And the friends of friends?

peapodlovescuddles · 27/05/2009 17:10

I think you should, it'd show you trust them and IME teens respond pretty well to that. We're lettinh DS have a do after his GCSEs, we're letting him have it in the guest flat over the pool, I appreciate not everyone has a guest flat but he is under no illusions he has to clean upp everything in the morning, if his friends are mean enough to bugger off without helping - his problem, if they cause irreparable damage, he's paying. So far him and his younger sister (by 1 school year) have had a few, mostly joint parties. I'm not naive, I know there's probably been a few couples hooking up and getting intimate, I know there's alcohol, I buy it so I know how much is there, no-one brings their own as they know there's 'plenty'.
My only rules are no drugs and no vodka (memories of holding a friends hair back for over 24 hours as she vomited. A lot. And then had to go to hospital and have a drip inserted because she was so dehydrated)

(DH also made it clear to DS that if he got too friendly with one of dd's friends she could bring rape charges even is she is only a few months younger)

Libra · 27/05/2009 17:19

DS1 (15) is having a BBQ next week. About ten friends.

They are in the garden, we are in the house. They are leaving at 10.30.

I know where their mothers live.

QS · 27/05/2009 17:25

If you specify "no class A drugs" it means you condone other drugs. You are going to be the most unpopular parent around when their kids come home and say:
"mum, there is a party over at x's, but relax there will be no class A drugs"
what do you think parents will think?
a) "Oh good, no cocaine"
b) "Feckety bollocks! Weed is allowed???"

piscesmoon · 27/05/2009 17:51

I would only do it the same way as Libra. There is no way that I would leave the premises.

Colonelcupcake · 27/05/2009 17:52

I would say(for DC aged about 18):

Yes you can have a party under the following conditions-

  1. No Drugs
  2. No Spirits (beer and alcopops allowed im not naive)
  3. All Mess will be your responsibility to clean
  4. All Damage will be paid for
  5. Cut off period 2am
  6. No one is allowed in the computer room or our bedroom (and I would lock both puting in any real valuables)

Whether I would be there or not I would leave open to discussion my DH may have other ideas though

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