My son's friendship group constant drama is EXHAUSTING!! This is loooooong. Grab a coffee.

[IncompleteSenten]

My eldest son is in his mid 20s now and has had a friendship group for a couple of years after joining social clubs. Before this, he never really had any friends because he's autistic and NT kids were, well, that's a whole other story! I was so happy he finally made friends. But Oh. My. God. The drama is never ending.

Someone is always falling out with someone and wanting everyone to take sides, then the two that fell out make up again. This person won't hang out with that person. Then they will hang out with that person but not some other person, then everyone is friends again.

Last night my son got it in the neck from Albert because he had refused to take sides during the last argument between Betty and Cynthia, apparently not taking sides is taking Betty's side against Cynthia's. Or something. Five minutes after laying into my son he's talking to him normally again but goes on to have such a go at Denise that she left in tears.

God this is long.

I've told my son to refuse to get involved in other people's petty squabbles and that taking sides is a very bad idea.

I have never in my life come across such endless drama. I am exhausted, and I'm not even bloody there! I'm just desperately trying to help my poor son navigate the insanity.

I've had to give my son several instructions on how to react in different situations.

I've said to my son that he should not get caught up in other people's drama but should stick up for people if genuinely needed. eg one of the lads sexually harassed one of the young women and my son took action on that and told him that was unacceptable and now he won't socialise with him 1:1 any more and keeps his distance in groups.

bloody hell this is never ending. And I'm not even close to done yet.

I've told him never talk about anyone behind their back and if anyone tries to involve him, he should say I'm sorry, I don't talk about people behind their backs.

I've told him never get involved in messaging people saying unkind things about others.

I've told him that if someone tries to involve him and tries to manipulate him into taking sides, he should say that he is not getting involved and he won't be bullied into it.

I've given him a few sentences he can choose from as needed and send to people.

I am knackered and these people aren't even my friends!

Is this what friendship groups are like? I used to wish I had had a friendship group when I was a young woman but now I feel like I dodged a fucking bullet!

It’s hard for people to understand when they don’t live through it. I do this a lot with DD (15) and have done for years. It is exhausting and so much pointless and boring drama. She doesn’t know how to sort it herself. She doesn’t know or understand what half of it means or why it’s started . She’s also terrified of losing her friends. So we muddle through , explaining, discussing, suggesting what to say (and how to say it) and decoding some of the stuff for her. It might not seem like it, but she is making progress , and hopefully there will be a time when she can navigate it all by herself. I’m not going to ignore a panicked , crying and distressed child though because she has to “learn”. She is learning, she just needs actual teaching (and showing) first .

He's autistic and it's his first social group. It's absolutely understandable that he needs extra support.

Do you have experience of autistic young people navigating friendships?

Seems immature for his age but could it be covid kids catching up on a developmental stage they missed out on earlier? Especially if they are ND?