What rules does your 16 year old daughter have re going out?

[whateventoputhere]

Looking to get a range of views, daughters specifically. When I say 16 I mean first year of sixth form. What rules do you have re curfews, how she gets home, walking vs taxi vs lifts, where she’s allowed to go etc. Yes it depends on the child, but keen to get a range of views. Oh also phone location settings/drinking.

Many thanks

I agree with the first two replies, and then several of the later ones.

I've never seen the point in making up an arbitrary time for them to be home, as it would depend on the event / occasion / venue.

By 6th form, you will have worked towards increasing independence and talked about different scenarios with them over a long time. As you have done for the first 16 years, you gradually increase the independence and trust, and encourage them to assess risk and make judgements of their own, in the knowledge that, should it ever go pear shaped, you will be there in a heart beat, if that is what they feel they need. But also, to let them know I (or me and their Dad) aren't the only people they can rely on. Get them thinking about all the "older sibling" type relationships they have with people they aren't actually related to, who would pick them up in a heartbeat if needed.

The second would be impossible to police… you can’t control if the other people leave her against her wishes

Friends houses and parties they have their year 13 friends Id so they also go clubbing to the two student clubs in town. In Year 12 social life for most of them really expands. Dd is pretty focussed on school work so rarely goes out in the week maybe coffee with friends in town after school but lets her hair down at the weekends.

It depends on the young person though. Dd has a large steady group of friends she is not doing daft things. My friends dd only has one or two friends and has done some silly quite unsafe things so my friend is stricter than I am but think she’s right to be so.

Parties/gatherings, I would always pick her up. And always encourage her to have a friend to stay over, which meant they would look out for each other all evening. Usually a curfew of midnight or so. That’s reasonable in a house where other people need to sleep and get up at a certain time.

There was never really any walking, friend are spread over too large an area. And I am v strict with myself about going out after dark on foot, so that’s been drummed in.

I find labelling other parents like this really unhelpful.

Everyone’s child is different, people have different locations with more or less risk and access to safe public transport.

Some parents do need to set curfews and ground rules for a range of reasons. It’s case by case.

Some parents I know have very few boundaries for their teens and it’s really not working out that well.

Some parents have a high tolerance for their sixteen year olds being pissed/stoned or going to after parties with randoms to all hours. I don’t. So we make our family rules clear.

If you are surrounded by sensible teenagers I can see that you might find a curfew controlling, but that’s not always the case.

McDonalds (open 24 hours).
Or something like going to the cinema, then walking back (in a group) to someone's house.

They do hang out in parks in the summer (but I appreciate this is area dependent).

No point having a curfew as we’d rather she come back in a group than on her own at an arbitrary hour dictated by us. They’re pretty sensible. We used to stay up but now she’s y13 we go to bed and she sticks her head in to say she’s home.

I have bad experiences of my friends parents when we were fhis age being utterly ridiculous. Setting arbitrary curfews and shouting and yelling at us about them missing them even by a few minutes. We weren’t doing anything wrong we were actually pretty swotty but lived rurally so was hard to get home for a precise time. Remember vowing never to be like that myself.

I’m curious where all your 16 year olds are going? Mine only goes to parties.

I've had 3, all of whom are older now.
At 16, various places they might be in the evening could be:

Someone else's house
Park
Meeting friends from other side of City, in city centre
Gig
Sports (playing or training)
Sports (watching)
Work
Meeting friend from work, just to walk home together
An activity they belonged to (eg Explorer Scouts, or Drama)
Going to do a 'leisure activity' - eg swimming, or golf driving range or crazy golf or a hike somewhere or catching Pokémon or rock climbing
Walking friend's dog

I'm sure there are many more, between them.
Parties were much more occasional happenings.

I don't not allow it, I'm just happy to pick them up do it's never come up.

Never alone at night past 9pm

No. Time depends on night & event but if a house party I want her home safe before I can sleep

Mine goes to a few house parties locally. In the summer they all hung out outdoors. Cinema, pizza, to a gig etc but we are in a city so all quite close

I don’t mind mine going out every night and late as they like (if they wanted to) as long as they are up for college and all work is done.
mine don’t currently drink, vape or take drugs. We live in a big city. They are nice kids as are there mates.

eldest Dc Is in their 30’s now and had at times some quite dodgy pals (drinking/ shoplifting etc) we just said ‘never leave your mates - make sure one of them always knows where you are , and if you’re worried about anyone or anything ring us and we’ll come and sort it all out in the morning’.

Be more specific:
What does she want to do and where does she want to go, with whom and what times of the day

Who are you talking to?

Daughter out at the weekend, age 16.
Dropped to a friends house at 730, collected at 10pm.

She’s only really been to parties at peoples houses and we drop off and pick up (or arrange pick up ). She wouldn’t be allowed to walk home alone or let her friends do so, her two best friends live very very close which helps.

she knows not to leave her friends and she has location on her phone. If she isn’t sleeping over she’s usually home by 1130 but I’d be ok with up to 1am tbh.

Had similar rules with her brother though he was a lot less sensible (so far she’s only just 16)

If it’s relevant we do buy her alcohol to take in the form of Au vodkas usually.

So much will depend on context. Mine came home from a house party recently at 1am and walked home with a mate. But they’d only had a couple beers each and where we live it’s still quite busy on a weekend night at that time. A lot of her mates just get Ubers. Relatives in london thought nothing of their 6th form daughter getting tubes and getting home much later as long as not alone.