How to deal with conspiracy theory obsessed family member

[SmallWhiteFluffyClouds]

A retired (late 70s) family member of mine has become obsessed with conspiracy theories.

From anti vax and the evil WEF controlling every government to all our foods being poisoned and Bill Gates trying to kill everyone, no topic is safe. They have stopped taking all medication so it’s gone beyond a harmless hobby.

They spend a lot of their time online and send me many social media videos every day which I refuse to watch and never reply to.

If I try to push back on anything I am quickly told I’m wrong and put in my place. There’s absolutely no reasoning.

I want to enjoy my time with them and for them to resume taking medication but I find the blind faith in it infuriating and all the negativity completely exhausting. Does anyone have any advice?

I have thought that maybe it’s an indicator of early dementia but they seem fairly functional in most other areas and would refuse to go for any testing in any case.

Try redirecting them to a healthier topic.

Before this, did they have any interests or skills? I have a relative that’s brilliant when I get them talking about the work they did before retirement and also their hobbies.

Arguing the topic will be futile and will drive you mad.

I would keep an eye on it and see if things get worse but I wouldn't listen to the theories or get into conversation about them.
Ime conspiracy theorists dont care about facts or reality and you may as well open the fridge door and talk to a lump of cheese instead.

You may find the QAnon Casualties sub Reddit a source of help and support, OP.

I have a dear friend who has gone the same way. She has ruined her life over her beliefs in a multitude of conspiracy theories and ended up getting sectioned and losing her job.

Just my view, but I feel anti-vax beliefs are often a gateway into this.

A lot can't be saved from the brain-warping, unfortunately. It means having a relationship with someone who is so far down these rabbit holes really looks rather different, with severe limitations, should you ultimately choose to maintain a relationship with the family member.

It isn't easy 💐

Leave them alone. They're 70 and entitled to their opinions.

That’s been my strategy so far. But if we talk about the past, we nearly always route back to how cash was so great and now the digital economy is here we are all under the thumb, etc etc.

Grandchildren used to be a safe topic but now it’s all flu vaccine and government indoctrination at school 😢

Love the comment about it being like talking to a lump of cheese. Maybe I’ll try that instead 🤣

Nod and change the subject. Conspiracy theorists like to think that they know something the rest of us sheeple don't and love having that 'special knowledge', hence the 'I am quickly told I’m wrong and put in my place.'

In reality conspiracy theories are thought to appeal to people who have no sense of control over their lives - they need to believe that someone is in control and guiding events. Usually called 'Them' or 'They' as in 'They want us to....'

I want to enjoy my time with them and for them to resume taking medication

I have someone whose company I usually enjoy and I've shut down the conspiracy talk by ignoring it or changing the subject, and it has been dialled down a lot - to me, anyway. As for the medication, you could point out the likely results of not taking it, but if they have capacity, not much else you can do.

I get this and I do, as far as I can. But when they are now teaching their grandchildren to be fearing what it is in their school dinners or to refuse to have a vaccine, I feel I need to protect my kids.

I don’t think a conspiracy mindset is healthy - it undermines their trust in people and the world in general.

But they don't think your mindset is healthy. Since you all can't come to an agreement, ask them to not discuss politics or these subjects with your kids. I'm sure they're not interested, anyway. Stop trying to sway them to your view and avoid talking about inflammatory subjects when you're with them. It's not healthy to disagree about things so much and it damages the relationship and causes undue stress on the elderly. They're not going to be here forever and I think you'll regret wasting limited time on trying to make them your mental clone.

Thank you, I really appreciate your comments and compassion. I’m sorry you have lost a friend to this.

I will definitely take a look at that Reddit, I definitely need the support and see how others are coping.

Have you tried just mercilessly mocking the absolute nonsense they come away with so that it might eventually dawn how completely ridiculous they are being?

This is often fun with flat-earthers, because it's remarkably easy to reduce them to spluttering, seething messes if they've ever once flown on an aeroplane.

They're not going to be here forever and I think you'll regret wasting limited time on trying to make them your mental clone.

I get the feeling from the opening post that it's the other way around. OP has every right not to want their DC made to fear things like what's in their school dinners.

Unfortunately, that doesn't work. It just creates a 'them-versus-I' scenario in their minds; they end up becoming more entrenched in whatever bonkers belief system(s) they are operating from. It feeds into the narrative that the rest of us are brainwashed by mainstream media, and they are the ones with special knowledge about how the world really is.

It's very difficult as these thought patterns become entrenched.

Saw a documentary recently 'Kidknapped by my Mum' about the boy from Oldham iirc who was taken on holiday aged about 11 and not returned . The thing that bothered him the most was his mother's constant conspiracy theories.

No one said they didn't have that "right" but it's interesting "DC" didn't come into the equation until it was suggested they just let this person have their views and ignore it... anyway, the question was "how to deal with it" not if we agreed with their views. That's my opinion and I'm not going to entertain infighting here and will bow out. Do as you will, OP!

It absolutely does if you are relentless with it, because eventually they get sick of being an object of ridicule and STFU, which is all anyone actually wants.

See them spouting this nonsense to the kids - "don't listen to Grandad, he's a demented old fool talking complete and utter nonsense again and we're seriously contemplating having him locked up".

Humiliate them into silence, job done.

I hear you; the risk is that you just end up alienating the other person (or each other). It sounds like the OP wants to preserve the relationship, if possible.

Honestly I couldn’t do this. I come from a family that is very right and proper, and where manners are everything. I think our relationship would be irreparably damaged if I was so rude.

I just want to be able to talk about a pretty sunset without discussing cloud seeding or go out for dinner without being warned about the dangers of allowing the kids to have some ketchup with their food.

It would be unkind and not help the situation.

Do check out that Reddit for support.

No.

An "opinion" is something subjective, like "I prefer the blue curtains", or "I think ketchup is better on bacon rolls than HP Sauce".

Telling everyone Bill Gates is implanting microchips in humans via the Covid vaccine is lamentable, untrue, risible nonsense, and people repeating this sort of stuff need mocked and ridiculed remorselessly until the snap out of their stupidity.

What medication are they missing? I'd keep the kids away, it's harmful or laughable and that's not fair on anyone.

It isn't rude to emphasise to someone being ridiculous that they are being ridiculous. It's just reiterating the truth. Same reason when I work with people in the grip of a delusional illness that I never, ever perpetuate their delusion and always challenge declarations I know to be baseless.

If it's at the point where this is getting fed to kids, then as a responsible adult you really need to step in and prevent that, and if just asking nicely is having no effect...

Heart meds, not sure what kind.

It really is one of those situations you have to experience to really understand. It goes far beyond opinions and these people are actively hostile. You're unable to hold a conversation with them without the discussion being related to a theory they have.

I have no advice. I've tried challenging their views, agreeing to disagree, avoiding the conversation. Nothing worked, so now I avoid them as do most of the wider family.

OP, this sounds very tricky and I would not want my DC to be exposed to these views at a young age either. They don't have the life experience to ignore it. I might be tempted to explain, very calmly and politely, that you don't want to discuss these topics in front of DC. See if an agreement might be reached.

If not, I think you pick and choose the access this relative gets to DC. You might want to limit it. I think if having to choose between an older relative and your children, you should always come down on the side of your DC.

Our PIL sometimes say something we don't agree with. Racism can be a problem. We don't start a fight but we did provide the alternative viewpoint in the moment, and now we have teens, they do this themselves, quite polite but very firmly.

Your situation sounds like it has more of a mental health slant to it than some unpleasant views, and I wholeheartedly agree your kids shouldn't be worried about the perils of vaccination or ketchup. They are your things to make decisions about on their behalf and that's why it isn't okay for anyone in your life to undermine your view in their presence. It is fine for people to have whatever views they wish but not fine to indoctrinate other people's minors against parental wishes.

If pointing this out to your relative doesn't bring a change, I would pull back from including them so readily invitations that include DC and visit by myself.

Thank you @Bigtrapeze. There are some unpleasant racist elements alongside everything else unfortunately.

We are down to seeing the relative once every few weeks and they have no other family. It’s very sad.