I hate my dogs

[theogcd]

I’m just using this as a space to vent because I can’t post it anywhere else
but I’ve come to hate my dogs.
i have 3, too many for my small house.
when I got my first 2, i had just moved into this house. I actually because a dog walker and it really took off.
i spent all my days with dogs and it was a good laugh.
and then my mental health took a serious turn, I feel like my whole personality changed. I hated my job and my dogs just started to frustrate me.
fast forward a bit, I got put on anti depressants and I became euphoric. Life was the best thing ever and I loved everyone and everything to the max, and I got another flipping dog.
dont get me wrong, the dogs are all well trained, usually well walked and basic care always kept on top of.
but I just hate them. They annoy me so much, I hate the constant licking and looking for my constant attention.
I know it’s my fault, and I feel like a fraud because people know me as this huge dog lover but I’m just not anymore. I dislike dogs in general and the whole culture around them now.
I feel like I could never rehome them because the guilt would be so deep, and I’d be so embarrassed. They don’t have a bad life, but I do ignore them sometimes and get annoyed at them for just being here.
i know it’s not their fault, and I do love them deep down. But I just regret having them and if I could do it over again, I wouldn’t.

anyone else feel like this? Or am I just a complete asshole. Probably!

I am not a dog person so wouldn't have a dog. But you are more important than your dogs. You should rehome them. I had cats once and I felt a bit like you do. I wouldn't have another pet. They got on my nerves.

I’d try to rehome them.

I think it's okay to be honest and that includes being honest about the fact that they need a better home with someone who loves them. You can't be that person and that shouldn't be embarrassing even if it is unfortunate. As far as guilt, that should set in if you continue down this path and force them to live their life in the company of someone who can't be a companion for them. They deserve better and you're the only one that can sort this out for them.

I hate the term rehome. It implies there are thousands of lovely families with big gardens queuing up to take on these dogs, when in reality rescue kennels are full to bursting and many are having to turn dogs away. By all means advocate that the OP do the right thing for her mental health, but let’s not pretend there are homes waiting for these dogs, they’ll be going into kennels for an unknown period of time…a grim fate for a family pet.

They are just dogs and are adversely affecting your life. They will be fine in new homes with new families

This.

OP, dogs know when they are not loved. And they definitely know when they are hated. Whilst rehoming is likely to be difficult, you should try for everyone's sake.

I think you should go back to your GP to ask for help with your recurrent low mood.

OP, how is your mental health now? Your description of depression and then euphoria and presumably now you are feeling low again makes me wonder if there’s something going on there more generally outside of the dogs. Are you happy in life minus the dog stuff? Your feelings towards them seem quite violently changeable - you’ve gone from loving dogs so much you have three to disliking dogs in general, which is quite an extreme shift. Does this happen in any other areas of your life?

I think giving them up will be very hard on you and them but only you can know to what extent that process will affect your mental health compared to staying as is. Can you pinpoint specifically what the issue is with them? That you don’t like the sensory aspect of them?

I think that if you can't give your dogs the life that they deserve, then I would re-home them. All dogs deserve an owner who has time and patience with them. I have a very high-maintenance dog and I know that when she dies I will have a few years off as it is such a huge commitment (even if very rewarding).

I am the complete opposite absolutely love dogs especially my own. Couldn't imagine my life without them, you are their everything. So if you hate them then you need to give them up so hopefully come into a better life. They will sense they are not wanted and if you're ignoring them and don't want to look after them then that's just cruel to keep them just for your own guilty consience so better for everyone if they went to a place where they are wanted.

Rehome them.
There are plenty of charities that foster before rehoming eg Silver Fox Dog Rescue for smaller breeds, and other breed specific outfits who would try and help.

I can't imagine hating a dog, but I know that they are sentient creatures who pick up on mood and being "hated" just as much as they pick up on and respond to love.
Why give them a life where they're hated and ignored ffs.

Help them find homes where they're wanted and loved.

I dislike dogs intensely (I don't hate them because I don't think they are worth that amount of emotional effort) and I also intensely dislike the current culture around them.

My reasons are because they stink - even when 'clean' - are dirty and are just far too fucking needy. The constant requiring of attention drives me up the fucking wall whenever I visit my best friends house (hence why I've not been there for nearly 3 years).

Find out where your nearest Dogs Trust is and get them re-homed. Life is too short to be miserable.

I grew up with dogs and I do love them so - but now we have cats.

All I can say is... make sure it's not your depression talking before making any decisions. as sometimes we can fixate on something and actually, it's not the fault of feeling how we feel.

If you are 100% sure that you no longer like dogs then get them rehomed. Not fair on you, not fair on them.

@theogcd
Op, don’t berate yourself.
You have been struggling with maintaining your mental health and, for whatever reason, have changed your mindset regarding the dogs.
The thing about dog ownership in the UK is that it doesn’t leave much room for differing opinions, and while that will definitely be considered a positive by many, in actual fact, it means that there will also be lots of people who are almost held hostage to “the only possible way of caring for dogs” lifestyle.

I believe that those who advocate rehoming “for the sake of the dogs” are rather wishful thinkers. I ‘d suggest having a good look at what changes you can put in place to ensure a good compromise between you and the dogs.
For instance. Where I live many many dogs live in the garden and have kennels and toys etc outside. They generally play together and entertain themselves when not out on walks, working in some description or being fed. This is a perfectly acceptable way of having dogs and generally they are trained not to bark to disturb the neighbours.
Dogs are loved but they aren’t treated like people.

I think that if the dogs are annoying you by their presence then you need to address that by stop feeling guilty about things like “ignoring them”. If you provide a stimulating activity in the way of exercise, once a day which aligns with their breed, then you shouldn’t be having to entertain them the rest of the time. They have each other.

If you do get rid of them make sure you don't get anymore when you are back to being 'euphoric'.

Do you actually hate them or do you need your meds adjusting again?

If the only reason you don’t rehome is “embarrassment”, you need to get over that asafp and do what’s best for the dogs.

I agree with you. I would have thought the dogs would be perfectly happy to play with each other. I only have one dog but she isn’t at all needy. So long as they’re walked and fed - that’s love enough.

I feel for you. Whilst I don't hate my dog, I know I don't feel the way I should and I would never get another one. Fortunately for her there is DP, DS1 and DS2 who dote on her.
But what I would say when I had DS1, the cats who I had absolutely worshipped and adored became nothing to me. And that was a rather a big clue that I wasn't well.
I know you won't rehome and that is the right thing to do, but definitely go back to GP.

Does it make you an arsehole? Kind of I guess but I’m saying that as someone who absolutely adores their dog and can’t imagine feeling like that.

Like pp’s have pointed out, don’t have a romantic view of rehoming them as thr likely hood is a concrete kennel for a long time and being seperated from all that they know. I understand that mental health is very complex but at the end of the day, you take on a dog, you become that dogs world even though for us they are just a part of our world for a certain amount of time.

I really don’t want to trivialise how tough this is for you but maybe it might be worth a trip to the GP and get tweaks on your medication? Fake it till you make it. Show your dogs love and tenderness rather than just seeing to their basic needs, that’s what they deserve and that’s what they should get.

Please go back to the doctor and get your medication adjusted and then find new homes for them, they will know you hate them, they will sense your underlying resentment and it will worry them and may even change their behaviour too. You need to focus on you, you deserve better, so do they

Do you actually hate them all the time, or do they frustrate you? It's ok to feel that way - they're like children really, we love them but don't always like them and it can all feel overwhelming at times. I think there's so much pressure nowadays - what to feed them, how to walk them, how to play with them, how to train them, where they should sleep, how much tome you should leave them... everyone has an opinion, and there's a lot of guilt if you get it 'wrong', it's mind blowing stuff. Don't be too hard on yourself - most dog owners I know (including me) has times where they feel a bit fed up with the mess, walking in the rain and darkness, being followed around the house constantly etc etc. Add poor mental health into the mix and it can be really tough.

Having said all that, if you do feel they would be better off in another home then give yourself time to get better mentally and then make the best decisionfor you, taking their needs into account, at a time when you're well.

This. Yet another one. Usually on here it’s because the woman has had a baby and they can ‘no longer give the attention the dog needs blah blah’
Poor dogs. Heartbreaking.

They're not well trained if they're constantly licking you and looking for your attention.
You need to take responsibility for how you've trained and socialised them (or not).
If they didn't constantly lick you and look for your attention, you'd probably like them more.

I love dogs. My last dog chose me because his previous owner moved house and he thought I was a better bet than the new home owners. He would always be there at the back door at meal times. He would come and lie in the sun if I was sitting having a cup of tea or doing the gardening. He would sometimes come with me if I went for a walk and he would pop round to my neighbours house at tea time because she always had something for him. He refused to come in the house or go in a car. He tolerated the cat and would never chase it. He didn't jump up or lick. If I went away, I would ask my neighbour to feed him and he would be quite pleased to see me when I came back but he was extremely independent.

He was the perfect dog, but that kind of dog ownership is not really possible in the UK. He would have had to be leashed, kept indoors, walked, trained and not left for more than a few hours. Unless they live somewhere like a farm, dogs in the UK need really committed owners who want a very dog-centric lifestyle. It isn't for everyone.