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Original poster

Pissed off ex h wife

62 replies

Ineedabeerorseven · 25/10/2026 14:13

And I really didn’t mean to!

Me and ex h split/divorced 17 years ago now.

We’ve always been on good terms, we have one ds who is now 24.

Backstory - Both remarried, ex h and his wife live a few hours away and her family is in this area so they will come here during Christmas/easter/summer for lunch with us all and to see ds. They send my younger children birthday and Christmas cards and presents. There are no issues.

I’ve recently sorted the thousands of photos I had mainly from when we were together, pre iPhones and digital storage. There are so many lovely ones of ex h and ds when he was little.

So the last time ex h was in the area to visit ds, I gave him a box of them. They are all of him and ds over ds childhood. He was chuffed to bits to have them. I mentioned that there would be some more as I still had some albums to sort out and he said that’s fantastic, thanks so much.

Wildly inappropriate according to his wife.

She sent me a text asking me not to pass on anymore photos as she found them intrusive.

I apologised if she found them intrusive and said that ex h had been pleased to have them, but that if he didn’t want anymore, get him to let me know and I can keep them here for ds.

My dh did ask if there were photos of me in there that could have upset her. Nope, I just gave him the ones of him and ds. I am not in any of them.

I really don’t know where this has come from. I don’t want to push it, I replied to her text the best way I thought and it’s up to ex h if he would like any others. I’ve not said anything to him.

It just seems so odd as we have always got on!

(And before anyone says ds is 24, why any contact, life is short. Ds has been through a few things where he needed both of our support and we both had to support each other as his parents through them. I always feel it’s best to grow up with divorced parents who can spend time together with no stress).

OP posts:
Original poster
Ineedabeerorseven · 26/10/2026 08:34

Gonk123 · 26/10/2026 05:01

Surely she should be having the conversation with your ex rather than you? How did he not know there wasn’t anything of you in there? Did he not look at them all? Weird. Stay back for a bit and leave it at that or text ex and say you didn’t mean to offend his wife in anyway and sorry if you have and leave it there. It’s not your problem.

He looked through them with ds while he was here.

Who knows why she text me. I am just going to leave it I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ineedabeerorseven · 26/10/2026 08:36

Mapletree1985 · 26/10/2026 05:03

Are they currently having problems in their marriage?

Who knows. That’s none of my business. We aren’t close close like that, if you know what I mean. We all have a good relationship as co parents and get on enough to spend the odd day together with all the children, but we don’t speak like close friends do. I would think it was very inappropriate to know the ins and outs of my ex husbands marriage in any case!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ineedabeerorseven · 26/10/2026 08:48

EdithBond · 26/10/2026 07:44

I’d just leave it.

It’s a very odd message to send. And why message you? Surely, if she has a problem, she should sort out with your ex rather than message you directly. She seems controlling. Why’s it intrusive for your ex to have old photos of him and his son?

If you’ve had a good relationship with both your ex and his wife for a very long time, the only explanations I can think of are:

  • That good relationship was a sham. She didn’t like the thought of you being in your ex’s life and was uncomfortable you shared a DS. She’s been acting to keep your ex on side and finally the mask has slipped, maybe because they’re not getting on.
  • As the years have gone by, it’s become more of an issue that she and your ex don’t have a child together (e.g. prospect of shared GC) and so it’s starting to feel that you and your ex are more of a family unit (with her as the tag along), especially if she has no relationship with her DD’s father.
  • She’s controlling about their home and doesn’t want you giving your ex physical items to keep in it. As she sees it, you’ve cleared out old family ‘clutter’ and (rather than give to DS) given it to ‘her’ to store rather than digitalise or throw away. Maybe hit a nerve if your ex brings a lot of stuff into their home and never tidies/clears it out.
  • Her mental health isn’t great (maybe linked to menopause?) or she and your ex aren’t getting on. So, even the tiniest things (which might usually irritate but she’d let go) now seem massive or grating to the extent she feels she has to message you.
  • Your ex isn’t bothering with her and instead gives her the impression he enjoys your company more. Perhaps he was effusive about the time he spent with you and DS before he went away and the photos symbolise your closeness.
  • If she hasn’t seen the photos, maybe she thinks they’ve got you in them and that’s a bit much.

Whatever, the reason, she’s being unreasonable. You were thoughtful and sensitive (e.g. only giving him the ones without you in). I hope she doesn’t throw the photos out. Save the rest for your DS or at v least digitalise.

Show quote history

I mean, it could be anything. I was just really taken aback as the last time we had contact, it was when me, ex h and dh were seeing ds off to the airport and she was on FaceTime, all was lovely then! She text me later that day to ask what my dd would like for her upcoming birthday.

Then a few days later I got that message and it was such a change in her usual tone.

My photos are a running joke to everyone. I have thousands, I’ve had a camera attached to my hand since I was a child.

Ds still has lots of him and his dad here, I’ve spent the last month going through them, chucking away hundreds and hundred of duplicates to condense them all down for better storage (I really don’t need photos of Big Ben, or a random sunset in Italy from 52 different angles 😬).

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Wildefish · 26/10/2026 20:35

I think it’s brought up the fact you had a life just you, him and your son that she wasn’t part of. I wouldn’t make any more remarks about your former life with your ex, as you all seem to have a really good now.

SunnyLilacFawn · 26/10/2026 21:32

I think, if it were me, I would have to follow this up, otherwise it could make future meet ups awkward and I would be walking on eggshells in case I accidentally 'pissed her off' again.

I would just send a short message saying something like ' Hi X I've been thinking about your message and the fact I upset you. I'm sorry for that but I'm not really clear as to why. Can you let me know what specifically bothered you about the photos? In case you've not seen them, I want to clarify that I'm not in any of them. They're just nice pictures of Y and Z which I thought Y might like to keep'.

Hopefully she will reply and you'll then have your answer. That will also make it easier for you to decide what you do with the rest of the photos, and the relationship going forward.

Copperoliverbear · 26/10/2026 21:52

You have done nothing wrong she’s a jealous insecure idiot.

FizzyPopLove · Yesterday 07:02

Copperoliverbear · 26/10/2026 21:52

You have done nothing wrong she’s a jealous insecure idiot.

Only now?

Franjipanl8r · Yesterday 07:25

Don’t overthink it. Maybe she’s just having a perimenopausal moment blowing something up out of nothing. She could well be cringing about sending that message now.

Maisymouse2 · Yesterday 08:28

Intrusive how..i do not understand.
She needs Suck it up buttercup it is your husbands past and family.

Original poster
Ineedabeerorseven · Yesterday 08:37

Copperoliverbear · 26/10/2026 21:52

You have done nothing wrong she’s a jealous insecure idiot.

But she’s not though, that’s what I don’t understand. They met around 6 months after we separated (there were no arguments, no other parties, we got married too young, mainly pushed into it by ex h very religious family when I fell pregnant, we were just friends/flatmates/co parents anyway and then we got to a point where we both grew up and wanted more from relationships).

She wanted to meet me long before she met ds and was so lovely, assuring me that she wasn’t after playing mummy or taking my place and that dh relationship with his son was going to be her priority. She’s the one who’s always encouraged me and ex taking ds out alone and things over the years. It’s certainly never been forced on her side. It would have been a very hard act to keep up for all these years!

Thats why it’s really, really strange.

And also why I’m going to leave it.

You never know what’s happening in someone’s life. She may have been having a hard time and that was the thing she chose to let it out over.

OP posts:
Hyroplate · Yesterday 08:45

If she's always been so reasonable there'll be something that's upset her.

I agree don't try and discuss it by text, but I do think I'd try and talk to her. I really didn't mean to upset anyone, why was this so difficult for you kind of thing.

mmmarmalade · Yesterday 09:22

@Ineedabeerorseven maybe your ex has subsequently talked quite a lot about the times he's been reminded of by the photos and that has irritated her.

I agree, don't push to find out, cut her some slack - you speak very positively of her so don't throw that away over this one anomaly.

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