How do I avoid being lonely on a solo trip?

[ThreeMogsAndCounting]

This is going to sound super pathetic, but I am trying so please be kind.

I am single. My relationship broke down just ovet a year ago and i am still grieving it. As part of my attempt to get over it i am doing things that scare me. Here's where i need you to be kind.

I have never been on a trip by myself, barring going to visit friends and one trip abroad with the kids in Feb. That was to an all inclusive resort and lovely though it was, I felt very lonely surrounded by families and couples.

I want to try a weekend away somewhere in the UK. Possibly a B&B.

So i need advice - how do I plan this so im not lonely? I've only ever been away with someone, so the company/entertainment was baked in. Im happy with forests, sea, hills, water whatever. I like walking and running. I dont have a dog. I read, take photos and write poetry. I am an extrovert and get my joy and energy from social interactions.

I really really want to do this for myself but I am pathetically scared of it.

My friend did a yoga retreat - she's fairly self conscious and a bit socially awkward but she really enjoyed it and said the leader and other attendees were kind and warm and friendly. I'd give it a go!

I would go on an organised trip, I’ve done this a few times, easy to meet people obviously, you are all there for the same reason - to go walking / explore Seville / learn a skill etc. All sorted for you. Just turn up and enjoy.

For a solo evening out at a pub, find out if there's a live band playing. I'm more comfortable going to go to a pub on my own if there's live music.

Mum was widowed last year, and having spent the last 5 years as dad's full time unpaid carer, boy has she had itchy feet this year! She has been on 3 different "solo" breaks, designed for divorcees and widows/widowers. Each time they've formed a small group, and gone off and done stuff together. She's found its mostly women, mostly 50+. There are so many options for them too, She did Malta, Portugal and a UK city (I forget which!)

She joined a couple of local walking groups too (she's rural based), one walked too fast for her and left her behind...she didn't go back. The other was much nicer and they walk and talk.
She joined a couple of craft groups and a group that get together in a local pub just to "natter". That natters group got on the local radio last week coz it's been so popular so quickly!

I know it's hard when you are newly divorced/widowed...but the only answer is to put yourself out there.

I was genuinely worried for mum as she never had any friends when i was growing up and most of her aquaintances died, or vanished when dad got sick. Now I'm considering putting life 360 on her phone coz she's never at home!

What about a Champneys resort?

https://www.champneys.com/

As you like walking perhaps try one of the long distance paths. Pennine Way, Coast to Coast, Offa’s Dyke etc. They don’t need to be done in one fell swoop but could be done in sections. The only drawback is that you’d have to rely on public transport rather than use your car but you’ll meet people on route with something in common

Definitely pick somewhere with lots to do/see . I like to visit historic sites or art galleries. Then a nice evening meal . I often take a good book. Then by the time back to accommodation and have a nice bath im so exhausted and need sleep. I love going at my own pace . Listening to music or a podcast whist walking around. And not having to make chit chat.
I bet you will have a great time no matter what you chose to do.

If you're an extrovert I think you're going to struggle with a solo trip as it just won't be fun for you. There is nothing to prove by forcing yourself to do something you won't enjoy. Agree with others that you should find an organized group weekend based around an activity you love doing/are keen to learn, or a place you'd like to visit.

I wouldn't go to a B&B if I was by myself and wanting company

Im only early 40s so whilst I don't mind mixed age groups i don't think i want to relegate myself to an OAPs group yet. Ive probably got another 30 years of work left to do and I think i might get cross with the retirees! 😆

Thank you for all the suggestions. I think i keep getting 'alone time' painted as some kind of holly grail that I should be aspiring to if I am to be a successful singleton. The truth of the matter is that I don't generally enjoy being alone and I really don't enjoy being single. Im just trying to make the best of it. So maybe an organised group activity would be better.

I would rent somewhere in the country which has great walking around and a medium sized town, perhaps with catering facilities. You can walk in the day if it's fine, read if it's not - go to a nice country pub for lunch, more walking. Then if you are still feeling strong enough head into the town in the evening and find a nice restaurant or pub, if not have a nice cosy night in and make yourself something to eat.

As an older (69) woman and single now I think I know what you mean. Unfortunately my friends are not into travelling much due to various ailments, and it has to be said, the COL these days. So I have to diy it! It wasn't easy at first but I got the hang of it slowly and found my niche.

First of all as pp said, try anything that appeals to you. If it doesn't work out, mark it off the list for future journeys.

What I found useful occasionally if I felt like it, was to post on a local Facebook page for the area (do a search) and ask if anyone is visiting and would like to meet for a walk etc. I've met many people that way. Short and sweet never to meet again, but good for the few hours I felt I needed some sort of company.

I have an interest in Greek and Roman history (yep), so it means I focus my trips around the interesting sites in Europe and UK, I join guided tours of the area/site or sometimes I self guide. I get absorbed in it and the day flies in.

As pp also said, lunch out is better (for me anyway), as I feel such a lemon at night since it's a bit more formal and I feel I stick out sitting alone. That doesn't bother some, but it does bother me! Then I have a picnic in my room at night.

One last thing, as a solo traveller I never choose Air bnb or similar. I feel much more secure in a hotel, in case I had a medical emergency or needed any other form of help. It's also a way to chat to people you meet in the lobby etc.

Go for it, you're a hell of a lot younger than me so plan well and enjoy.

Sorry for the bloody long essay 😊

I have done several solo trips, I like to go walking so I have done several short breaks walking bits of the south west coast path. I stay somewhere with a good bus service and base myself in one place, but lots of people walk and stay in a different place each night. Planning breaks like this gives me a bit of purpose and focus for the trip, and I always see other solo walkers. I book self catering accomodation but tend to plan my walks so I can take a nice lunch break and eat out at lunch - somehow it feels less strange eating alone at lunchtime. In more rural parts of the path I take a packed lunch but usually I at least manage to find an ice cream en route!
I have also done a few yoga retreats if this is something you are interested in. I went with a friend but there were quite a few people there solo - have a look at adventure yogi.

I wouldn't do a B&B, I would look for a nice country hotel. B&B just means a room with absolute no interaction in the evening, a hotel normally has a bar where you can sit with a book or write while having a drink.

If you look for a time out of wedding season, mid-week and no school holiday you will get something quite and not too expensive.

I did this near Edinburgh years ago, one day for spa treatments, one day Edinburgh. The hotel had a bar, a library for guests to use, lovely food in their restaurant and bar and grounds (I was there end of January, so didn't really venture out too much).
It was a really good mix.

I have been away on my own several times but normally city breaks, Paris (well, just for 1/2 day as I was there for an event), Florence and Berlin. Next year will be Copenhagen maybe unless DD will join me.

I just spent a week solo in an Air BnB in the Cotswolds - it was a one bedroom cottage on a farm - so I had privacy but didn't feel completely alone because of the comings and goings of the farmers and workers plus their lovely dogs. So many beautiful places to visit (I enjoy walking, gardens and National Trust houses.) If I did it again I'd maybe go for 4-5 days - seven days in my own company was a bit too much - and if I'd been nearer a town I might have gone to a pub for music/ quiz/food and some company. The UK is so beautiful - pick a place and try a couple of nights away.

There are companies which organise solo holidays for younger people, or at least a wider range of ages.

same. Large Outdoors is worth looking up.

You can be as sociable as you want.

In general I found (as a single woman in my 30s) that there were loads of opportunities to do activities I enjoyed and try new things. Often quite basic accommodation but clean and safe and communal meals and beautiful scenery and interesting company.

I travelled a lot solo, both within the UK and abroad, and would recommend the following things:

1. when you are feeling a bit down, have a think: are you thirsty? Hungry? Tired? Not had fresh air and a walk? Not spoken to anyone so feeling socially isolated? This may sound basic l, but it’s usually one of those things, and once you identify the likely culprit you can do something about it!
2. take care of yourself - healthy food/ walking/ sleep etc (as above). Now is not the time for a hangover!
3. bring multiple books or a kindle pre-loaded. Download some films and TV shows that are feel good and you know you’ll enjoy.
4. download audiobooks and podcasts to list to on the go.
5. plan an activity with other people so you have a social aspect to every day- a walking tour, activity, yoga/ exercise class, language course. Airbnb experiences have some good options.
6. go for an early dinner to enjoy quieter restaurants where you are not surrounded by lots of groups.
7. Treat yourself to coffees out to be surrounded by other people but not necessarily by groups. Humans do need social interactions and this can tick the box mentally.
8. make a plan for everyday. Museum, particular walk etc. if you don’t do it, it’s okay! But better not to be at a loose end.

i’ve also done a few yoga retreats and they can be a lovely thing to do, where it’s very sociable but with the opportunity to be alone a lot. Walking holidays are similar, although perhaps less time to be alone (which may be a good thing)!

I find solo travel to be wonderfully rewarding and fulfilling if I look after myself holistically. I hope you get great pleasure from whatever trip you go on. All the best.

I've travelled solo loads but I actually enjoy it. I never feel lonely and couldn't give a toss if someone judges me in a restaurant. You don't sound like you'll like it at all, so why torture yourself? There are loads of retreats for your age bracket where you can travel as a group, though most will be fitness focussed. Google your local yoga studios, nearly all the ones near me offer trips. Ones centered around running or climbing are more likely to have some men attending as well.

I've travelled solo.

When younger I stayed in youth hostel dorms and would often chat to people there over breakfast or in the evening.

I've been on organised group trips (skiing, birdwatching) where there were plenty of people there alone and chatted to them. They were great. There are probably similar things for people wanting to hike or write.

I've done holidays involving a mixture of being completely alone intermixed with day tours. That was nice for a bit of company but mostly very superficial. I always had a book to hand.

I actually prefer going to museums alone. No pressure to rush through rooms or hang around waiting for anyone. I also like the theatre alone. A history based city break would be great!

I also found travelling alone in the Middle East to be amazing. So many lovely local women would talk to me - I suppose I was a curiosity - and I don't think they'd have approached me if I'd been with someone else.

I think being alone a hotel room for a weekend sounds amazing but I am in the thick of it with my kids so really just want some peace!

However... there are loads and loads of options if you like chatting. My mum visited me recently (I'm an immigrant) and did a 3 day coach trip out to a couple of the islands (I live in Scotland). It was only 12 people on the bus and they weren't all in couples so they all chatted and did stuff together. She actually kept in touch with one woman she really got along well with. My mum's a bit of an introvert so went back to the hotel in the evening but most of the rest went out for drinks and dinner. So would a small group sort of thing work for you as a starting point?

I'm newly single in my 30s and this is on my mind as well.

On one hand, I am looking forward to travel without man child and DC. Exploring when I want to, resting when I want to, not trying to please other people.

On the other hand, I'm worried I will feel isolated. I'm an introvert and like my own company but it can affect my mental health if I don't have social interactions. Its going to be hard to get the balance right.

I've picked up some really good tips on this thread, especially staying in a hotel rather than airbnb, eating lunch out and eating in in the evenings.

like a pp, I am also very keen on history and archaeology. That's why I do so many solo trips despite being married for 30 years, so I can spend my entire day in museums and exploring ruins, and have the freedom to do as I please. DH likes history as well, but not as much as me, not enough to get up at 6 am on holiday anyway.

I am never lonely with the past around me. I read historical guides or listen to The Rest is History when I eat alone or walk around.

La Crisalida | Health and Wellbeing Retreats Wales, UK - this place in Wales sounds good.

Inspiring Writing Retreats for Creative Minds - this is in Greece and it's something I've always wanted to do. The people running it are lovely so you could message them if you could afford to go abroad?

Another Greek one here that looks amazing: Imagine Greece Retreats's WeTravel Profile

Don’t add extra stress on yourself by assuming that you have to be out at night alone either. There’s nothing better than being in control of what time you’re back in your accommodation where you can read, watch a film of your choice, order food delivery, go to bed early (especially helpful to wake earlier and catch the best of the day in the morning, when it’s much easier to be a solo tourist) Or if you do want to challenge yourself, book theatre or cinema tickets in the area you’ll be staying, it’s super easy to go and watch something yourself in the evening.