As an autistic person, does anyone else find British workplace communication absolutely exhausting?

[YourWaryPlumBalonz]

I'm still trying to adapt to it. It feels like nobody says what they actually mean.
Examples:
"That's interesting" often seems to mean "that's a terrible idea."
"You might want to think about..." means "please change this."
"I'm not sure that's the right approach" means "don't do that."
"It would be good if..." means "this needs doing."
Half the time I'm spending more energy decoding the hidden meaning than actually doing my job.
Then there's all the unwritten social rules. Apparently being direct can come across as rude, even when I'm just trying to be clear and efficient. At the same time, people will hint at what they want instead of saying it outright, and you're somehow expected to pick up on it.
The camera thing in Teams meetings confuses me too. Nobody explicitly says it's mandatory, but then you get judged for not turning it on. I'd rather focus on the meeting than worry about my facial expressions for an hour.
I don't mean this as criticism of British culture. It's genuinely interesting because it seems to rely heavily on reading between the lines, whereas I tend to take words at face value.
For other autistic people, how long did it take you to adjust? Did you eventually learn the "translation rules" or do you still find it tiring years later? And for non-autistic Brits, are you consciously aware that you're communicating indirectly, or does it just feel normal to you?

If I communicated as bluntly as you suggest, I would end up with an HR complaint!

I think you need to speak to your line manager and explain and maybe some adjustments can be made such as camera being off.

The reason the cameras are preferred to be on is because it is unpleasant being the person speaking on camera when nobody else is.

Well, it’s like learning any other language. It’s difficult at the start but then you get better at it.

Im autistic, been in the workplace for 10 years and i still really, really struggle. I particularly remember one incident when I gave a very, direct honest answer about how something wasn't working, and i was accused of being rude and having an attitude. I really wasn't. I found it devastating and have never forgotten it.

Would have thought that the racist colleague in your other post that was pulled by MN after bumping it first would be more of a problem, tbh.

I thankfully don't work in a traditional office setting, because this style of communication is something I've always struggled with. I used to hate that it can make me look like I have bad work ethic just because someone hasn't actually told me what I need to know to work to the best of my ability. If something needs to be changed, or a task needs doing outside of my set work, or I need to approach something differently then please tell me, because I'd be more than happy to do it! I just need to know it needs doing.

I work in IT - lots of autistic colleagues, so it varies by sector, I think. Lots of direct comments.

I suppose it’s difficult both ways. I work with a lot of autistic people. It makes for some very awkward meetings sometimes and also difficult to achieve teamwork as they can be very rigid

the examples you’ve given seem to be just British culture. Nothing to do with autism. It’s takes a while to adapt and o a new culture, be open minded, try not to stress! It till be ok!

i was born here. ... i cant fit in cos im so direct

You don’t need to fit in though. I’d love to tell colleagues to fuck off all day. You obviously understand the social norms, so just go with it, don’t worry about it

I have an autistic colleague. I try as much as I can to be direct with her, but it’s not easy to do. I have to balance communication across the whole team. One to one it’s easier but I still struggle to find the right words.

whys it hard to be direct with her

I take your point but British culture is more direct and explicit than quite a lot of others across the world. We work internationally and as Brits we've had to be trained in how to read the subtext when working with eg Japanese and Indian colleagues. Tasks at least tend to be well defined in the UK and explicitly stated. We are less blunt in giving feedback than eg the dutch and Germans, but across the world we still sit on the extreme end of being explicit.

It doesn't make your workdays any easier of course, and it probably doesn't chime with your day to day experience, but I have certainly been up the learning curve of learning to work with people with a much more implicit set of social rules where what feels "naturally" polite to me will come over as rude.

I see it that there is a continuum of people's preferred communication style and there isn't a right and wrong. I try to accommodate other people's preferences, hope they try to accommodate mine, and hopefully we meet somewhere in the middle.

@YourWaryPlumBalonz does your line manager know you are autistic? Can you not ask them to be more specific when asking you to complete a task?

You're clearly aware of it though so you can adapt. Autism isn't an excuse to be rude which people who say they're 'direct' often are. You clearly can work out the subtleties of business language so you know what they mean.

In your 1:1s you could ask your manager to be clear and direct but you can't expect that in wider meetings involving more meetings as that's highly likely to leave the majority feeling really uncomfortable rather than just you feeling a bit uncomfortable.

You can ask for reasonable adjustments but they do need to be reasonable and that can't be to change how every single in an org speaks and communicates.

Highly likely autistic myself and I'd never expect others to change for me.

people are still ableist ... better not 2 tell. told the other 2workplaces and got sacked from both afterwards

How many autistic person posts are you planning today?

Are you direct or actually rude?

Have you ever delivered training or a presentation to a large group on teams with all the cameras off? It’s not nice not even knowing if people are actually there! I think you need to learn that the workplace doesn’t just revolve around you. If you were in a face to face meeting you can’t turn your face off.

So much time would be saved in meetings if it was all autistic people 🤣

You just have to learn what people mean, frankly. 'It would be good if' very clearly means 'this needs doing'.

I’m not out at work. They know I am odd and I’m pretty sure everyone suspects, but I have never made an official declaration. It’s just not worth the risk.

The general methods of workplace communication are baffling. It is societal games amplified. I just want to work and the way people are trying to work makes that harder.

I deal with it by being direct about what I need.

Please provide this instruction in writing. I don’t want to miss any detail. If they balk, then I write up a summary of the conversation and send an email.

If someone catches me off guard and asks me a question I am not ready for, I tell them I need time to prepare an answer.

I also now leverage AI to help me make my written responses more neurotypical friendly. They tend to prefer less detail and fewer caveats, whereas I prefer to have all the information. They also want certain softening and sign offs.

as for the verbal social niceties and happy hours. I just don’t do any of it. I’m ok with not advancing that way and purely having my work be what makes or breaks my career. It helps that there are many neurodiverse people in my workplace so I am one of many quirky people. Is much easier when you aren’t the only one, even if you are one of the more extreme cases.

I'm so sorry to hear that 💐

Just on the camera thing, if you were meeting in person you would see people's faces, theres no reason for not being on camera

Be less direct. It's not compulsory for you, is it? It might be EASIER for you. It would be easier for me in the ultra short term to tell people at work to fuck off. Not easier overall though

So be less direct