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Take toddler away with us or leave with grandparents? Help!

34 replies

miniholiday · 15/10/2026 20:20

I can’t decide. I’d feel really guilty for DS to miss out, though he is a young 2 and would not have any concept of whether he is going or not. If I told him he’d be happy to go but also probably just as happy at home.

It’s in a weeks time so don’t have long to decide and my parents have just incredibly kindly offered, out the blue, to take him so we can have the weekend to ourselves.

We’d be going a couple of hours away for two nights to an Airbnb with a hot tub. The plan is to do national trust sites, a pumpkin patch, maybe a children’s place like a nice farm park, pub lunches, that sort of thing. There’s a hot tub too.

I have mum guilt at the idea of not taking him as there are things he would genuinely enjoy. He loves outdoors and anything Halloween related. Equally, we never get the time as a couple on that level. Also we are at full blown tantrum stage and pushchair refusal, so maybe I am looking at it through rose tinted glasses. But I don’t know.

We have had one night away together since he was born. He has stayed with my parents before overnight and love spending time with them, as they regularly have him while we work in addition to nursery days

We can’t decide so throwing it out to a good old poll.

There’s a middle ground option of us meeting half way (45 min drive) and my parents collecting him after one night, so a best of both worlds choice (or maybe I’d feel guiltier, who knows)

If I’d known it was a child free weekend I would have probably chosen a city break. My parents would likely have him instead for this for one night in the future if we asked.

With all the above in mind, WWYD?

OP posts:
miniholiday · 15/10/2026 20:30

I can visualise feeling rubbish about whatever we choose now I know the option is there 😂

OP posts:
miniholiday · 15/10/2026 20:40

If relevant we are taking our toddler away as a huge family (grandparents, aunties, cousins etc) in November to Center Parcs so they will have another trip soon!

OP posts:
wishfulthinking25 · 15/10/2026 20:45

I’m confused, you’re going away to an Airbnb with a hot tub but planning to go to a pumpkin patch and a children’s place without a child? I think it’d be weird to go to them places as just adults.. but you deserve a break away so perhaps you can change the itinerary?

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wishfulthinking25 · 15/10/2026 20:46

Or just stick to doing all of that, with your child

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 20:49

wishfulthinking25 · 15/10/2026 20:45

I’m confused, you’re going away to an Airbnb with a hot tub but planning to go to a pumpkin patch and a children’s place without a child? I think it’d be weird to go to them places as just adults.. but you deserve a break away so perhaps you can change the itinerary?

It’s not that confusing!

The OP booked a short break originally for her, her DH and toddler. There are lots of things the toddler would enjoy. However, the Ops parents have offered to have him and this would give the OP and her DH a chilled weekend with a hot tub. Can you tell what I’d choose, @miniholiday ? 😅 In all seriousness if it was a week I’d say no but have a nice weekend, two year olds are hard work, so relax and come back and do the pumpkins and farms over half term is my advice.

miniholiday · 15/10/2026 20:51

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 20:49

It’s not that confusing!

The OP booked a short break originally for her, her DH and toddler. There are lots of things the toddler would enjoy. However, the Ops parents have offered to have him and this would give the OP and her DH a chilled weekend with a hot tub. Can you tell what I’d choose, @miniholiday ? 😅 In all seriousness if it was a week I’d say no but have a nice weekend, two year olds are hard work, so relax and come back and do the pumpkins and farms over half term is my advice.

Thank you for explaining. Yes we’d change the itinerary of the trip if our toddler was staying with my parents! More walks, nice cafe stops, pubs etc. I get your thinking. The mum guilt though! I’m probably not thinking rationally as I’ve worked all week and not really seen him so the guilt might be disproportionate. We do lots of lovely things together and almost all of our days off together revolve around an activity for him or a place he’d like to go.

OP posts:
BessieSurtees · 15/10/2026 20:53

Definitely enjoy a weekend just the two of you and no guilt. Spending the weekend with grandparents is also a part of childhood adventures, memories and fun.

HappyBlueDonkey · 15/10/2026 20:54

I would definitely take the toddler! Sounds like he’d have a lovely time

OffTheMap · 15/10/2026 20:57

Take the grandparents offer.

Toddlers are as happy with play doh as messing about with pumpkins etc

You will miss him, but no need to feel guilty.

DorsetKnobBiscuit · 15/10/2026 20:58

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity for your and your partner to have some time together. Your son will have a great time with his grandparents.

Go, enjoy yourselves and then all have a great time together in November.

miniholiday · 15/10/2026 21:03

OffTheMap · 15/10/2026 20:57

Take the grandparents offer.

Toddlers are as happy with play doh as messing about with pumpkins etc

You will miss him, but no need to feel guilty.

It’s funny you say as he genuinely loves playdoh. I bought him a large pack the other day and I’ve never seen him more excited for anything 😂 I am complicating it I think.

OP posts:
yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 21:05

miniholiday · 15/10/2026 20:51

Thank you for explaining. Yes we’d change the itinerary of the trip if our toddler was staying with my parents! More walks, nice cafe stops, pubs etc. I get your thinking. The mum guilt though! I’m probably not thinking rationally as I’ve worked all week and not really seen him so the guilt might be disproportionate. We do lots of lovely things together and almost all of our days off together revolve around an activity for him or a place he’d like to go.

You sound like a lovely mum Flowers

runnerducky · 15/10/2026 21:06

We have zero childcare (parents dead, no family around etc) and can’t ever go away just the two of us, so I am shouting at my screen to go and have an amazing time with your DH and the hot tub! There will be loads of other opportunities to do stuff your 2yo will enjoy and I bet he and grandparents will have a lovely time together.

AtlasPine · 15/10/2026 21:08

Do it but for goodness sake enjoy yourself and don’t feel guilty. They’ll have a great time while you are wringing your hands in angst which will defeat the purpose!

susiedaisy1912 · 15/10/2026 21:15

I’d they’ve offered and you’re happy with the level of care they provide then go without your dc. It will be nice to relax and have some rest.

Iliketulips · 15/10/2026 21:18

It's something you planned for all of you, so I'd want to still do that. Also, if there's a chance he's likely to throw a tantrum, I wouldn't expect someone else to have to cope with that.

bittertwisted · 15/10/2026 21:22

DorsetKnobBiscuit · 15/10/2026 20:58

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity for your and your partner to have some time together. Your son will have a great time with his grandparents.

Go, enjoy yourselves and then all have a great time together in November.

This, he will have a fabulous time with his grandparents. Take it from my own experience happy parents, who love each other and have the chance to prioritise that strong relationship occasionally is the greatest gift you can give your little boy, I feel such regret my children didn’t get that. All this Mumsnet ‘oh I’m so superior because I never left my child until she was 24’ is in my opinion naive. Being the child of hateful toxic parents, and subsequently subjecting my own children to a toxic, abusive marriage lacking any respect or stability ….
your child wins the childhood lottery, he feels safe and certainty, guilt over ! X

DorsetKnobBiscuit · 15/10/2026 21:24

yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath · 15/10/2026 21:05

You sound like a lovely mum Flowers

You really do OP.

Ohitsnicehere · 15/10/2026 21:26

Your parents will have a lovely time as will your toddler and you get some great couples time, win win all round really, what’s wrong about that. Don’t even think about saying no, he’ll be well looked after and spoiled in a way only permissible by grandparents and if you send the playdoh with him as well as a favourite stuffed toy he’ll be ecstatic.

OctoberUsername · 15/10/2026 21:28

Go enjoy it without your toddler! Toddler will have a fab time with the grandparents and you’ll refill your cup

Ducksurprise · 15/10/2026 21:28

Children do better in families where the parents are happily living together .

There should be no guilt in sometimes prioritising your relationship - after all it is better for the child

Savvysix1984 · 15/10/2026 21:30

Have a weekend away and leave the toddler with the grandparents- if you trust them and they will care for him well.

bittertwisted · 15/10/2026 21:31

DorsetKnobBiscuit · 15/10/2026 21:24

You really do OP.

I agree, have known so many mums over the years who completely prioritised themselves over their children, take your own fretting as confirmation what a lovely mum you are, your DS KNOWS he is your priority

deveronvalley · 15/10/2026 21:32

Go as a couple! Go go go!!

Cheese55 · 15/10/2026 21:37

miniholiday · 15/10/2026 21:03

It’s funny you say as he genuinely loves playdoh. I bought him a large pack the other day and I’ve never seen him more excited for anything 😂 I am complicating it I think.

Oh take him with you. Kids at that age are happiest with their parents so make the most of it, he'll soon be a teenager. You can have together time after he's gone to bed.

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