Being ugly

[Biscuitz1]

How do people cope with being ugly?
When did you realise you were ugly?
I have always known I was ugly and I hate photos of myself.
Anytime I feel I look decent, I very quivkly realise im not.

Ugly isn't a diagnosis, or a thing!
Everyone looks different.

What is beautiful? It's subjective. As is being 'ugly'

You need to work on your self esteem.
I often say to people that how I look is the LEAST interesting thing about me. That's always been true.

If I could choose to be beautiful, I would. 100%. But I don't think I've suffered that much for being ugly. I suppose it's also about the degree of ugliness, some people look so unusual that people can't help but stare - that sounds awful. Whereas I think I'm more like a bottom 20% ugly, rather than bottom 0.1% ugly.

I strongly believe that you’re not ugly, you’re just skint. In most cases! Filler, Botox, brows and lashes done, full set of crowns, maybe a nose job, costs a fortune but it’s a beautiful transformation

But then you wouldn't look like you

I couldn’t agree more with the ‘what is ugly?’ comment. Looks and features that were considered the height of beauty 500 years ago might be seen as ‘ugly’ nowadays. Many people seem to think that hair extensions, ultra dark fake tan, turkey teeth, lip filler etc etc are beautiful/sexy, but to be honest, I wouldn’t see that as beautiful, just artificial and (I’m afraid) quite trashy…

I wanted to add, if you look up Dr Eleanor Janagea and her research on beauty in the Middle Ages, it might help you 🙂

Filler, Botox, overly drawn on slug brows, overly whitened teeth, heavy lash extensions…. All of those things look clearly artificial and it’s not very elegant at all. It’s beautiful to a certain demographic but not everyone.

You're probably not ugly. Lighten up on yourself.

I think the more even your features are the more attractive you are. The more symmetrical the better really

I was thinking about this the other day, and in all societies we have accepted standards of beauty. Although this may marginally differ from culture culture and also change over time, these standards do exist.

People are more accommodating when one conforms to these standards, and life easier, particularly for women.

Life is sadly harsher when you are judged to not conform..my cousin in her 40s has never dated, and accepts she will probably never experience companionship. Life is harsh..

I think most of us look fairly unremarkable.
Don't be so hard on yourself also lots of us don't like our photo taken.

I guess I just cope with it, it's common after all. Most people are a little ugly, it's more rare to be beautiful. We all can't be everything. As pp said, are you just not particularly beautiful, or do you have a very unconventional appearance for example due to a facial difference. I think this makes a difference.

This is fun. Just randomly appear in front of people you dislike, if possible. Make sure you are in their group photos. If you know their postal address, print and send to them photo of you in a Santa hat as a Christmas card. Just keep it on the border of reasonable so they can't really complain.
And remember, you know nobody is with you just for your looks.
In our 70s, we'll all just look old.

It's very rare indeed for someone to be 'ugly'. I suspect most people who think they are ugly are fixated one feature they think is very bad but other people likely don't notice at all. Like they think the bump in their nose is ginormous, but it's a total non issue to anyone else.

The thing about looks as a whole though, is they don't have to define you. I don't think I'm beautiful and I get annoyed by this attitude that it's sad if a woman doesn't find herself beautiful, but it's not sad at all. It's just not where my worth as human being lies. I think that's the best way of dealing with looks and if you think 'well everyone judges me because I'm ugly so it does affect my worth' I think you need to ask if there's evidence for that?

Even if you have been picked on for being 'ugly' it doesn't mean you are, it just means someone found an insecurity and picked at it. And if they did that they're a shitty human being who you shouldn't let define you.

We're still as women unpicking 1000s of years of basically being 'chattel' where our looks did matter and might be our only passport into social mobility for example, but that's just not the case any more when we can do so much more with our lives than just marry some guy.

I've just been on holiday to Greece and DH and I spent a lot of time people watching. I felt a whole lot better about myself after I spent a week doing that. I realised that the people I thought looked nice, elegant or attractive were never what one would class at conventionally good looking. It all came down to confidence, grooming and sometimes makeup.

There was one particular lady that both my husband and I commented on because she looked so lovely and put together, really striking. She did not fit the conventional beauty standards but she absolutely knew her style.

The other thing I noticed was how many couples there were just doing their thing, all ages shapes, sizes, there is someone for everyone. It's never all about looks. I am not the size 8, smooth skinned 20yr old my husband met. I'm about 4st heavier, wrinklier, and a fair bit greyer but he still looks at me the same way he always did.

Also, don't other people have to see your face more than you yourself? I see my own face maybe 2 minutes when brushing my hair and flossing my teeth. Your colleagues, your family see your face for hours every day.
That would make it THEIR problem, not yours.

Do you judge others in the same way you judge yourself?
Im blind in one eye and the muscle in the lid has gone meaning one eye is half the size of the other. Also due to surgery as a child I have a scar running right across my cheek. I’m married with children and friends and do not consider myself ugly. I wonder if others do though, nothing I can do about it so it’s a pointless thing to worry about.

Funny to come across this thread today. I was on the tube on my way to work and opposite me was a man who I thought had quite an ugly face. I felt quite bad thinking that but to me he did. It made me realise that this is something I have genuinely never thought before as it really jumped out of me as an unusual thought. Maybe that’s just me. But honestly I really don’t think most people are ugly at all. There are very few rare beauties, some people are pretty but most are attractive to some degree and to some people.

Many many people do not like the way they look, if they were they would not pay ££££ for cosmetic surgery, fillers, cosmetic procedures etc. but not liking how you look yourself does not equate to being ugly!

I disagree. I’ve met lots of ladies who do all these things and still think they’re ugly.
I believe beauty comes from within, the energy you give and your confidence.
People love being around happy, smiley, confident people.

I think having lovely hair and wearing nice clothes that you feel comfortable in can give you a massive boost.

Truly loving yourself as you are—that's beautiful.

I think the main thing is to have other strings to your bow: be really really good at your career or a sport or a creative pursuit; earn good money; pack your life with friendships and interests and travel or whatever floats your boat.

Good dentistry, hair-cut, clothes, health: spend money on these.

And accept you won’t ever have sex with a good looking partner but there’s plenty of other ugly people out there and some of them are very good at sex and relationships and parenting, if that’s what you want.

What is all that bullshit

Not wanting to read and run.

Please don't allow yourself to be deflated.

Agree with all the previous posts about who is to judge what beauty is, did Barbara Streisand have a massive hooter or the most elegant Roman profile? I heard on the news some guy saying the Mona Lisa, paragon of beauty for years, was fat....

There must be some things you do like about your body?

Maybe work on getting strong or doing a sport and enjoying what your body can do.

Being kind, interested, creative, curious, fun, knowledgeable, a good friend, supportive, empathetic - there are so many qualities that are of higher value?

Being kind, interested, creative, curious, fun, knowledgeable, a good friend, supportive, empathetic - there are so many qualities that are of higher value

No - that’s mostly servicing other people. It’s reductive to assume the role of non-pretty women is to be service-females for others.

You want to be respected for being outstanding in a professional field.

Tbh @Biscuitz1 I'd be more worried about your mental state.. you sound low. I'm sure you're no better or worse looking than anyone else?

Well I've known plenty of people who perhaps don't fit the accepted definition of 'beautiful' but who ooze confidence or assurance or grace or charisma or just a super strong sense of unwaivering self-worth. These people are never ugly.

The secret isn't, as somebody here said, money. Money to add to yourself, or take away, to freeze yourself or whatever. The secret is truly loving yourself, treating your whole self with that love (ie taking care of yourself in a healthy, joyful way), and loving others with a fullness.

Beauty radiates from these people in indefinable ways regardless of how their face is put together. And I don't just mean because they're nice, so you overlook any so-called ugliness. I mean, they truly have a quality of pure attraction x