I feel like a stupid teenager again

[Getagrip2026]

Totally embarrassed to post this but I think I have to. I'm separated from STBXH and we are on a reasonable and stable path to divorce and co-parenting. DD stays with both of us 50/50 so no issues there.

I have since started a new relationship, which is more of a rekindling of a very old one, and I feel swooped up in it and head over heels. I honestly feel like a bloody teenager again and can't remember when I have last been so happy. On the other hand I also know that the guy is a massive red flag and that I'm probably going to get hurt at some stage...but I can't walk away?

Maybe it's the rebound because he is the complete opposite of my soon ex husband. Maybe I'm just a desperate idiot who seems to be drawn to a walking catastrophe, I don't even know how to describe it without sounding like a complete and utter loser. And if someone told me about this I'd be the first to tell them to bin this but I just can't.

Am I the problem? I probably am, but I'm not sure what to do about it. Or am I so scared of feeling happy that I find ways to self sabotage?

Did this happen for anyone else when they left a long term relationship or am I just completely mental? Never felt this before ever I think.

Thank you!

you recognise how utterly selfish you are being to your daughter but you don’t seem to have any intention of ending this. Please come back and tell me that I’m wrong @Getagrip2026

Jesus he sounds outright dangerous, not just a red flag. As a parent I would stay the hell away from that. It’s not fun to have your life ruined.

Walk away now. Just do it.

Get a grip (and a vibrator if needed)

I got to here on your OP
and I feel swooped up in it and head over heels.
And was saying "NO - RED FLAGS" aloud

The more I read the worse it got.

You have a child.
You cannot expose her to this nonsense. Stop kidding yourself they'll never meet. He is a total boundary pusher....

You need to find about 2 minutes where you feel like "i can do this" send a prepared break up message which clearly says you are ending it you do not want ANY contact. You will consider it harassment and will report it to the police"
then delete the WA chats, block his number and delete his number off your phone.

Then put your phone away and get busy. Gym everyday, clean out cupboards, deep clean, go see friends, do a puzzle ... whatever.

If he won't leave you alone contact the police
Do not feel sorry for him. Dont not hear him out. Think of your child.

You need to detox.

He sounds awful and abusive. RUN

Edit seen your updates... at least do a clares law so social services will know you knew how abusive he is.

His behaviours sound concerning. Please do a Claire's Law disclosure. At least then you'll some awareness of whether the boundary pushing has actually led to something more serious.

I agree. He sounds dangerous. And if the OP carries on clearly knowing this - then she shouldn’t even have 50/50

Should have said my advice is based on my own encounter with a similar guy.
It was limerance I think.

He was head of showbiz at the sun which should have been my first tip off.

My advice was how I ended things with him.
He had a ongoing investigation at work and i also saidni would contsct he worki if he didnt leave me alone. He told me i eas an ungrateful piggy or similar....😂

I describe it as detox because that was what I imagined detox is like. I literally felt unwell and thought I was going crazy for weeks after.

It took me months to get fully back to normal.
Now i dont know wtf I was thinking.

Good luck!

Thanks all. I DO know that it's a bad idea. Particularly when I don't spend time with him and my thoughts clarify. Of course I love the attention and energy but when we are together I somehow don't have a minute to think because he's like a whirlwind.
To clarify. I don't think that he uses but I have wondered if he is bi-polar and I just haven't seen the down phase yet. It's like a constant manic high and definitely high maintenance.
The Clare's Law suggestion is a good one. I'll do that because it can't ever be a bad idea.
I won't be seeing him for a week at least so I have some time to get my act together and properly think about this. And the comments were all spot on and valid.

Thank you so much, I didn't know if I was going crazy when I described it.

I rekindled with an ex (first bf) after my divorce, it was fun and easy at first, just what I thought I needed and then he became controlling, started telling me what I wanted and needed and his views were so different from mine. Worse still he remembered the teenage me and that's what he wanted. I realised very quickly there was a reason we had split up.

Your gut feeling is telling you something is wrong…if all was fine you’d not be questioning it.
Ignore your gut feeling at your peril.

Read up on limerance

I had NEVER heard of it before my experience. He was a psycho... I knew it and yet there i was....continuing on with this lunatic.

It was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. I felt like I was on drugs / also going slighlty crazy. It was very manic....

As an fyi limerance stories never end with "and then we had a lovely calm happy good life together" and will end it a dumpster fire of awfulness

Here are starters for 10
https://medium.com/whymen/why-limerence-makes-you-ignore-red-flags-c4db050fd804

Read up on it, it will help you underdtand whats happening and then take the steps you know you need to.

Thank you so much, this helped a lot and I recognise a lot of this in me right now.
I need to put on the breaks at least and have messaged him that for now. I need some space and the ability to think.

Why? You accept the man is a screaming red flag; you accept your daughter deserves so much better than a giddy love sick teen; you know that there’s no happy outcome.

So why have you just delayed this? What do you need to think about @Getagrip2026 ?

I think (maybe hope) that he'll accept this and shows that he can keep boundaries when someone is serious about them. I guess I'll know then.

I think it’s easy to walk in to the ridiculous trap of wanting to be wanted , rather than taking time to figure out what YOU want.
And don’t fall into the lie of convincing yourself that your child won’t be affected by your relationships because they’re not physically in the same space . Your happiness (and unhappiness )affects your child massively always.