Feeling absolutely suffocated by my three year old

[andicant]

I did think it would have got better by now 😩 she is three and three months, to be precise. I don’t know if my expectations are a bit off as her older brother was and still is very independent and fearless.

I can’t get DD to do much alone at all. She can and will play independently with toys; she isn’t one of those children who demands you play with her, but you have to be in the room. It’s the same with TV; she’ll watch it but only with me.

She is still a nightmare for walking. I constantly hear ‘mummy carryyyyy!’ and have to carry her around, and she’s pretty heavy now. Even when I’m sitting next to her she’s constantly trying to slam into me which I really find so annoying.

Her sleep has been quite poor this week - not sure if she’s unwell. She also had the first chickenpox vaccine last week which could have affected her a bit. I think I’m really feeling it as I’ve felt like I haven’t had a proper break from her all week!

Is there any way I can get her to be a bit less clingy? Or is this just a personality thing?

I used to carry dd on my back when she was too big to carry normally, could manage a piggy back till she was quite old.

I found that if I wanted 10 mins to myself I would need to put in 20 - 30 of interaction first with mine when they were little. Also when I was tired I'd get the toy drs kit and would lie down on the sofa and be the patient and watch tv while they apply bandages and pretend injections.

I used to get my children on a scooter and pull the scooter a bit but then insist they carried on. I would allow her to follow you but make playing on her own more appealing by saying I’ll play but when I’m doing my jobs I have to concentrate and minimise how you interact with her so she gets bored and learns to do her own thing.

I can vividly remember the day my Dad told me he couldn't carry me anymore! In his defence I was 12 and although I was a very skinny girl I was very very tall. (6ft now). I used to pretend to fall asleep on the sofa so he would carry me up to bed. That was 52yrs ago.. sigh. What I would do for another chat with him..

Oh god yes. I went back to work for a break when dd was 13 months. I nearly cried with joy at being able to finish a cuppa and not be responsible for anyone's emotions or safety

My 3 yo was like this. I used a gradual approach to reduce the carrying rather than just saying no you’re too big. Agree to a little carry but after a few mins tell her my arms are getting tired, and let her know it’s time to walk now. Then give her lots of praise for helping mummy and being so good at walking.

yours sounds like she may have sensory needs too? I’d use the time carrying her to give her a nice tight cuddle, the extra proprioceptive input can be calming for them if they’re anxious.

my dd would hate to be seen being carried now she’s in reception but might still ask for a carry up to bed, which I always try and oblige because it’s lovely for us both!

Is she's that stubborn, you need to work on that because it'll spill over to wider life if she won't accept no.

Set up scenarios where you do have time and go home if you run out of time to do the fun thing planned.

The narrow pavement with lots of adults is scary. She's tiny in a sea of giants.

What she's wanting is completely standard for her age - she wants to feel safe.

Make more time.
You're in charge of the timeline, so make the changes.

I put mine in the buggy when they were tired there was no carrying option.

OP.. a much older mother once gave me some advice when my ds was behaving the same about the same age. She gently said she'd seen me subtly 'push him away'. She watched me showing my 'annoyance' with him. And maybe I didn't realise I was doing it? (I had a newborn, dying mil, terrible back problem and a husband either at work or visiting his mum. So I was very stressed)
She suggested that I overcompensated (called love bombing now) and..her words..sod the housework.
I remember it well. I just sat with him and cuddled, just tried not to show my annoyance. He lapped it up. I remember it not lasting too long.
Obviously can't help with the picking up but definitely helped with the clingyness.

Don't carry her, she will soon get used to walking if you stop picking her up.

If I don’t carry her sometimes we’d end up very unpopular on the school run! I do understand the logic but it just ends badly. It isn’t all the time but I do find it searing. Yesterday standing at the school gates she just kept wanting to be picked up. I didn’t on that occasion because I really can’t just stand around with her in my arms but then there’s wailing and flinging herself at me and it is rather exhausting.

@namechange62 I’ll be honest - I’m never totally sure what love bombing is supposed to look like! I’m certainly not adverse to hugs and affection; she has plenty of time with me although sometimes I’m doing other things they are for her in an indirect way (cooking for example) but sometimes even when I’m sitting with her when she’s on my lap she’ll suddenly shout mummyyyyy and fling herself into me. It’s that I dislike to be honest: when affection becomes a bit violent for want of a better word!

I remember hoisting my (skinny, fortunately) ten year old onto my shoulders so she could see at an event. I had her eight and six year old siblings on either hip (they couldn't see either, the two older ones were tall enough). I remember standing there with these enormous children hanging off me, absolutely bending double under the weight of them all, and thinking that I was so glad they were past the 'carry me!' age.

So that 'last time you pick me up' date can be MUCH later than you think!