Feeling absolutely suffocated by my three year old

[andicant]

I did think it would have got better by now 😩 she is three and three months, to be precise. I don’t know if my expectations are a bit off as her older brother was and still is very independent and fearless.

I can’t get DD to do much alone at all. She can and will play independently with toys; she isn’t one of those children who demands you play with her, but you have to be in the room. It’s the same with TV; she’ll watch it but only with me.

She is still a nightmare for walking. I constantly hear ‘mummy carryyyyy!’ and have to carry her around, and she’s pretty heavy now. Even when I’m sitting next to her she’s constantly trying to slam into me which I really find so annoying.

Her sleep has been quite poor this week - not sure if she’s unwell. She also had the first chickenpox vaccine last week which could have affected her a bit. I think I’m really feeling it as I’ve felt like I haven’t had a proper break from her all week!

Is there any way I can get her to be a bit less clingy? Or is this just a personality thing?

She's 3!

my DC is the same with the "carry me!"
i take that to mean he's tired and I need to work on his walking stamina.

Wanting you to be in the same room sounds quite normal? ditto feeling a bit off after the chickenpox vaccine.

everyone seems to have got ill in these first few weeks since the schools returned.

Sounds pretty normal. A lot of 3 year olds are annoying. They grow out of it.

I probably am being a bit harsh. Just very tiring carrying her around at this age and weight! She is very sweet really.

Totally normal for a 3 year old. Its down to you to say "your to big to be carried now," etc. If you don't then thats on you not her.

We still had a push chair at three

I remember the carrying everywhere! My DD was bad for that too at that age. What I started to do when she asked for carrying was say that I'd walk 10 steps with her and then she had to go down again. Then she'd walk a bit more, ask to be carried again, pattern would repeat. It was annoying but she eventually asked less and less, and we got to the stage where it would just be a quick cuddle every time (which I think was really what she wanted most, not the being transported aspect).

The carrying can be short and then stop. Try other modes of transport, scooter or ride on trike,or even balance bike.

She is 3,some of this is to be expected. However get yourself a boundary around carrying.

When he was about 12 my oldest DS said to me ‘I was just thinking mum… one day you were carrying me, and you put me down, and you never picked me up again. But you didn’t know it was the last time, did you? Funny, isn’t it?’ And then off he trotted, leaving me in bits 😭

No connection to your post really but it sparked a memory that still makes me well up. Babies, where do they go? He’s 19 now and still adorable (mostly).

You'll damage your back if you carry on, so definitely stop and switch out for sofa cuddles.

With the "carry me" requests - to build up stamina, walk at a much slower pace, but with no stopping - literally take double the amount of time when you can, looking at sign posts, weeds, dogs, I used to make up a game where we were collecting things for an expedition for each lamp post she tapped to keep her moving.

When she absolutely digs her heels in and refuses to walk and your in a rush - I did a world weary sigh and say "do you need a rescue?" And then do a fireman's carry - safer for your back and nowhere near as comfortable for them.

A couple of suggestions… At that age I think I’d carry for a minute and stop. For more independence, try popping out fire little errands. Eg if watching tv, go get a glass of water then come back immediately. Try and build it up gradually maybe? What’s she watching? My now 5yo has a very very low tolerance for anything remotely scary. Even now he’ll only really watch Zog, Bluey and pingu independently!

While some of this is to be expected, it’s the perfect opportunity to set some boundaries. If you don’t, it will continue. You can say ‘I can’t carry you, but we can stop and have a cuddle, and hold hands’

I don’t drive though so at 3 we were using a buggy still for long trips out.

For watching tv- no! She can watch it or not, but you don’t have to be beholden to sit with her, that’s ridiculous and you can say no.

Oh that just made my heart break 💔 I’m now trying to pinpoint when that last ‘carry’ would have been. It would have lasted a lot longer if I had known 😭

in saying that, thank goodness it stopped 😆

I can remember my mum telling me that I was too heavy to be carried anymore! Just tell your daughter you can no longer carry her - it will help her to understand. She is 3 so will be clingy!

Did you honestly fireman's carry your child down the road?? 😂😂 I'm laughing a lot picturing that!

I never ever carried my kids beyond being tiny. If they could walk they walked. We’d go at their speed but they walked. Dog walks every day.

@EmeraldSlippers yup - they really hated it so the requests for carrys stopped.

By that point appearance was absolutely redundant 😂
Perhaps there is a softer approach - maybe keep it in the back pocket for last resort, my kids have brought it up, now their grown, as it being an affront to their dignity! - so I see it as "good enough" parenting.

Thanks. I’ve tried this but she just wails ‘carryyyy!’ I think it’s shorthand for ‘I want to feel close to you’ (which obviously she can’t verbalise yet) as she sometimes says it when I’m next to her.

She has a habit of doing it on the school run with a very narrow pavement and lots of parents too

@Zapx definitely nothing scary, she just follows me if I leave the room leaving whatever she’s watching unnoticed!

She does have stamina, she’s done longish walks to preschool and on days out (she’s better with other children) but when it’s just me and her she’s soooop clingy!

My 3 year old is similar. He wants to be with me, touching me, on me all the time and I really do find it too much sometimes. I just want to scream “get off of me!” Which of course I do not do. Though I will sometimes find a more polite way of getting him to extract himself.

But I do frequently remind myself that one day, not too far away, I’m going to really miss having a child that wants to be with me all the time and that some people would do anything to feel the sort of love my child is showing me. Ever since that sweet little Noah a few weeks ago, I’m really trying to remind myself constantly I should take every cuddle or kiss or handhold or annoying granny interaction I can get.

My three year old hates walking but whizzes around for miles on a balance bike, could you try that instead? The rest is fine, they won’t be this clingy forever and I promise you will miss it a bit. I do get its frustrating though. We call my three year old my shadow.

If it’s only been for a week since her jabs, then I really wouldn’t worry.

She sounds like a normal 3 year old to be honest, kids need parenting and interaction and much more at the little ages.

But just because she moans to be carried doesn’t mean you have to carry her.

@Somethingsquishy i do know what you mean but equally I don’t know how helpful it is to think of extreme and tragic cases and guilt trip yourself?

She has only just started using her balance bike in the last few months. I could try it although my main worry is then I’ll end up carrying her AND the bike!

It’s not guilt tripping, it’s natural to put yourself in the shoes of others with similar scenarios, such as children being the same sage.

You mention the balance bike. I’ve found a scooter works ok as although I do still need to drag it around half the time, I can do that with him standing on it, so I’m not carrying a child and a piece of equipment.

For my own son, I wish i had bought one of those little bike things that have a long handle at the back.
Would that be an option?

Scooters are better. You can pull them along with a strap with the child on instead of carrying.

I'd definitely have more of a no boundary if she's got the stamina to walk and is taking the easy option. Hold her hand, talk and that's her connection.

Ok @Somethingsquishy , well we can agree to disagree on that

Problem is she’s very stubborn and persistent with the ‘carry’ and we don’t always have loads of time!