I got bullied online for the first time today

[LimeandLemonades]

I've been on social media for fourteen years and today, for the first time, I opened a post I had made and the first comment on it really hurt. I just wanted to say this: kindness costs nothing and you can move on after being cruel to a stranger but the person you hurt may live with the scars for a long time.

Disagreeing or criticising isn’t automatically “intimidation, degradation or harassment.” One comment that stung doesn’t turn the whole platform toxic, and telling adults they should be able to handle ordinary online disagreement isn’t normalising abuse.

These definitions are deliberately broad.
If we use the term bullying for a single nasty comment by someone that the ‘victim’ has no other relationship with other than online engagement we lose the sense of what bullying has always meant - a pattern of behaviour or single act with actual or perceived threat of repeat. This can only be in the context of a relationship, someone the person knows in real life or online. I thought that on online forums you can block the account from where nasty or critical responses are made - if the person targets you using other accounts over time that is clearly bullying.
I don’t want to diminish OP’s hurt feelings from this comment, and I’m glad she has had kindness and empathy here, but can we keep the definition of bullying to what it always has been - if it becomes so broad we cannot differentiate between spiteful comments online from randomers and a sustained pattern of behaviour or the threat of which defines bullying.

Get over yourself!
Bullying is not a one off it’s sustained harassment over a period.

And it’s more on them than on you. Grow a thicker skin or get off social media.

“ Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me “ was the mantra to hold.
People these days are such precious and delicate flowers. 😂

Sorry I agree with this. If this is a dick comment from some random your response should be to think ‘twat’ and move on. Even if it hurts more you should have strategies to enable you to quickly move past that. You should absolutely not expect to have ‘scars for a long time’. I have to say gently OP, that starting this thread is a maladjusted strategy that keeps you feeding the pain.

I genuinely don’t think it’s helpful to normalize indulging intense negative feelings in response to minor events.

‘All feelings are valid’ is one on the most mental health damaging mantras of our time.

Good mental health support should help people to distinguish between emotional responses thar are proportionate and well grounded ( valid) and ones that are not. Being constantly in hoc to your emotions is no way to live your life.

OP did have an extreme reaction to a minor event and she seems to feel it’s inevitable and justified that she will have scars for a long time’ in response. It would better serve her to realise the emotions she experienced can be managed and dealt with quite quickly with simple strategies that she can learn to master.

Disagreeing or criticising isn’t automatically “intimidation, degradation or harassment.”
Exactly nor should it be. The English language is beautiful, so many ways to express your thoughts including criticism without being a dick.

@brighterlightnow your posts are wise and food for thought.

You need to get over yourself.

People these days are nasty little pricks

A comment online is not bullying ffs.

So many people on this thread who don't appear to quite get how this can feel.
It doesn't matter whether others, or even the person doing it, thinks it is bullying behaviour, it is the perception of the person on the receiving end that matters.

OP has said that it's one comment from one person. Yes it's not nice to hear and there is nothing wrong with OP feeling upset about it. But it is not bullying.

I believe that depends on content.

I recall a comment directed towards me from my cousin’s son on his sister’s fb page.

i had never met either of them before, but his sister quickly stepped in to stop him. It was shocking and uncalled for, definitely aggressive.

There is no context where one post from an unidentifiable stranger can be construed as bullying.

No, it isn't.

We shall agree to disagree then.

You are objectively incorrect

Unfortunately It’s the way of the world now. If you can’t deal with it then don’t post on SM

They teach this in schools because if one child says something mean to another they go to the teacher and say they're being bullied. The staff explain to the children, that a one off comment is not bullying. It's mean, it's not nice, it can hurt someone's feelings and no one should do it, but it is not bullying.

Bullying is someone doing something Several Times On Purpose. It can be a series of minor things, like hiding your belongings or walking away from you but there needs to be some form of pattern. Bullying is very harmful and very serious.

If children can understand the difference, then I'm not sure why adults can't.