I got bullied online for the first time today

[LimeandLemonades]

I've been on social media for fourteen years and today, for the first time, I opened a post I had made and the first comment on it really hurt. I just wanted to say this: kindness costs nothing and you can move on after being cruel to a stranger but the person you hurt may live with the scars for a long time.

I wrote under a post about the plight of women and girls in Afghanistan. It was really just mirroring the post.
And in reply because I’d omitted women and young girls in Gaza I was called a ‘Zionist c&nt’ by someone. The post was about Afghanistan only so I stuck to that.
It felt horrible. I’ve noticed it’s happening a lot.
I wrote how nice Princess Catherine looked under a post about her style, and because I hadn’t mentioned Meghan I was called a ‘racist, jealous old bitch’ by someone.
I hadn’t said anything controversial either time, I wasn’t leaving anyone out, I was just commenting on something relevant presented to me.

Just ignore ot for goodness sake

I`ve been on MN for years and ive been bullied loads of times.
I even had 2 a stalkers.
And bullied by a few teachers on here, inboxed by others one ripped into me because i was childless by choice, and one poster wanted a list of my laundry because i said i do about one load a week.
Having air con pissed a few of how bad of me to have it.
The list goes on.

Air con? My god you’re a Satan, a destroyer of the planet, you are entirely responsible for wildfires as well.
Regards, Greta T.
ps is it any good?!!!!!

My Air con is brilliant heat waves are a thing of the past unless im outside lol.

Let’s not forget a lot of people have low reading comprehension as well.

Never go on Quora!

I'm over there generally to give people advice on creative writing but I occasionally comment on other, very mundane, topics. And good grief, the outpouring of hatred and vitriol from people who clearly have only a passing acquaintance with reality is so instant that it's almost entertaining.

I do hold my breath when I get a 'you've been quoted...' email

It's happened 3 times-someone called me a liar when I said my neighbours called the police on us for daring to park in 'their' street (which was the problem) and that we went out during covid (my darling fil was dying and we shot out of the house to go say our goodbyes and they wanted to know where we where going-they are thick and spiteful so ringing the police seemed a good idea to them)

They came out! (Nothing more than them having a word and leaving)

She would not let it go the thread-I ended up ignoring her

The other was when I listed what my stepdaughter had done to me-which included revenge porn and a list as long as my arm of evil behaviour-two people went mental at me

How dare I even think about writing this down on an anonymous site,let alone actually write it?my poor stepdaughter,having me in her life-i was the world's worst person and only sd mattered,what she did,didn't matter-i was to blame

The other was telling me that her kids would never have a stepmother and it was my fault (me personally-and she wouldn't have much choice if her fella left her for another woman)

(One comment got deleted and the other is still there)

I wasn't prepared to have them follow me around the site so I name changed

I guess they all had issues of their own and I happened to wander into their view so got targeted

Nowt as queer as folk i guess

There are some real weirdos out there.

Someone on MN once told me i was the sort of person who would abuse their own kids, in a conversation that was nothing to do with parenting and indeed I don’t actually think i had kids back then. I can’t actually remember what the conversation was about but I said something along the lines of “just because you are insisting i need to think like you doesn’t mean that you are right or that I’m obligated to agree.” and she came back at me to say that because i wasn’t going to change my views to align with her on this point i must be some sort of inflexible person who always thinks they’re right and that I will therefore abuse my children. it was so weird that a switch kind of flipped in me and now i never take anything negative that i see online to heart because you never know what lunatic you are conversing with.

I opened a post I had made and the first comment on it really hurt.

If that is literally the description of what happened, that is not bullying. Someone made a comment that hurt your feelings, that's all.

Do you understand the definition of bullying? Because that isn't it.

Another thing to remember is sadly a lot of posters nowadays are bots who are paid to stir up hatred and division so it may not even be a genuine person.

Any one single spiteful message can come as great shock, especially if your post was personal or really meant something to you. 10 spiteful messages are of course worse, hundreds even more so but, ultimately, it's the hateful intent behind online trolling that hurts so much, whether it's a single message or many. I have always thought that people who do this sort of thing must be quite empty and bitter.

Sorry but if you are that butt hurt over a strangers post on social media maybe it's not for you... we all have opinions and are free to express them, just block the offender and end it there I would've thought you'd have realised this by now

According to anti-bullying charity Respectme:

Bullying behaviour can harm people physically, mentally or emotionally and, although the actual behaviour might not be repeated, the threat that it might can be sustained over time. This would typically be by actions, looks, messages, confrontations, physical interventions, or the fear of these happening.

• Being called names, teased, put down or threatened (face to face and/or online)
• Being hit, tripped, pushed or kicked
• Having belongings taken or damaged
• Being ignored, left out or having rumours spread about you (face to face and/or online)
• Sending abusive messages, pictures or images on social media, online gaming platforms or phones/tablets
• Behaviour which makes people feel like they are not in control of themselves or their lives (face to face and/or online)
• Being targeted because of who you are, or who you are perceived to be (face to face and/or online)
• Increasing the reach and impact of bullying or prejudice through the recruitment and/or involvement of a wider group

I'm not sure rigid definitions are useful when the behaviour is deliberately intended to hurt people.

https://www.respectme.org.uk/parents-what-bullying/

This is true. Bullying is repeatedly targeting someone.

It is unpleasant though; people are cowardly online- they wouldn’t be so rude in person! I have been called some really nasty names by people online- I just imagine those people sitting alone with their computers, spewing out hatred, and I feel sorry for them that their lives are so shit that they feel the need to make other people unhappy too.

People can state their opinions or disagree without being abusive. When criticism becomes intimidation, degradation or harassment, it obviously crosses a line. She’s been posting online for 14 years without any issues, but a comment hurt OP. Telling people to get off social media as they're too sensitive is not helpful and only normalises toxic online spaces.

In schools they teach the STOP acronym as the definition of bullying - Several Times on Purpose.

So a one off comment would not be considered bullying.

I am sorry this has happened to you, you certainly have my sympathy.

it is important to remember this induvidual is a malicious and twisted fool, and just let go of it.

Report them and block the account.

This is a good analogy.

I had another mum make shitty comments on social media that I felt were directed about me for a few years. It was pretty horrible. She’d comment on things related to personal stuff I’d told her and say quite horrible things. I blocked her but I could never prove anything. She then played the victim and tried to rally friends against me. It was pretty shit tbh.

some people just need a life

I disagreed with someone on a thread once. This person decided to research my previous posts, and start attacking me with comments such 'I hope you don't have children'. This is after them seeing my posts on infertility boards. They then started writing on my infertility threads, just to be extra cruel. some people are absolutely vile!

Imagine sitting there coming up with those words. What a horrible person they must be.

I was once called a belligerent cunt for parking in a legal space on a road where I regularly needed to visit and when someone tried to bully me into not parking there, wondering about parking there again.

Sorry you experienced this, it isn't nice and leaves a horrid feeling.

Can I urge you to check your privacy settings and ensure with your public photos you don't talk about personal things that can identify you and your location?

I co-admin a social media page for a fairly tame collection of people. About two years ago part of the group experienced an upset that came from 1 person. That person was threatening a number of people, and then was removing the posts, only to post something completely different. The police were watching the thread, I shut it down as it contravened rules, banning the poster's username and gave warnings to another.

It then carried over to another page with a personal attack on me. Fortunately Admin on there saw it and deleted both the comments and poster. Since then we have taken out a restraining order on the individual, we have rubbish dumped at our property, the person has tried to run family members off the road, and has pulled in front of them on the road and get out of the car to abuse and threaten. They have thrown raw meat into our neighbours garden which they suspected was baited. Yet I was not involved in any way with the original situation being commented on.... The person is well known to the police.

Fast forward I've had two more extremely rude interactions with others. On both occasions it was done via my messenger accounts so other Admin didn't see those. I copied and pasted the comments to the team who personally knew both parties and were horrified by what was said by both of them. These are supposed to be mature, sensible volunteers in our community.... 2 of our team made phone calls back to the posters to discuss their attitudes.

People can be complete morons and they think being on a keyboard gives them full right to gob off and be rude. I also suspect they are typing away when on a bottle of something.

All I can say is you will come out of it ok albeit with a harder shell. but just make sure nothing you say or that can be seen by others gives your privacy away.

After fourteen years on social media, one critical comment shouldn’t prompt a public reflection on lasting emotional scars. Adults are generally expected to handle online disagreement without framing it as lasting harm.