How long does it take to adjust when your only child leaves for uni?

[BrainSurgeon]

I thought I was ready. I thought I was a strong independent woman who went through much tougher times. I thought I prepared both of us for this moment.
But this feeling hit me like a train.
DS is happy as Larry at uni, having a blast in his freshers week, while I cry every day - and I never (well almost never) cry!
We were such a great team and been such amazing support for each other for 18 years.
And now he’s off. Really far too.
Friends and family are lovely, checking in on me and telling me how great it is that he’s doing so well, and what an amazing job I did with him.
Very few seem to understand the pain I feel, and that it’s not about him it’s about me not coping.
I know there are many other mums and maybe dads too out there who know what I’m talking about?
How long does it last?…

It does help me a bit to hear that some DC are coming back after uni.
Makes a lot of sense as it’s unlikely he will earn enough to live independently straight after uni.
Thanks everyone. I’m sure it will start to ease off soon xx

We’ve had both ours go at the same time, it’s a bit strange with just us but they’ve been doing their own thing for the past year with getting their driving licences and working as well as school so we’ve probably had a phased leaving. The cat seems more bereft than us!

I was exactly like you three years ago, I went for grief counselling as it had just been my son and I for 18 years. All I can say that it is a form of bereavement as you have lost a fundamental part of your self and role - but - you do get better, I'll be honest, every time he went back after a holiday brought the pain back but it lessened more quickly each time. Sending parcels with little gifts, nothing soppy, was a big help in the first term. Also receiving a text message becomes an occasion, someone described it like receiving one from a crush (not in a weird way!) My boy has returned home whilst job hunting after graduating so the empty nest is full again but I know I'll have to go through it again when he does eventually move out to live life.
It hurts but the most important thing is don't let them know how much, cry and cry and cry and you will one day find the joy in your own space, but never feel wrong for how you feel, we are so lucky but it does suck! Xxxx

Also receiving a text message becomes an occasion, someone described it like receiving one from a crush (not in a weird way!)

I really agree with this. DH and I are a real pair of saddos, texting each other to say "just got a text from DS- he said "ok"" or "just received a thumbs up emoji from DD" 😂

I’ve learned late morning is a good time to get communication from dd 😆 First week she was messaging daily but it’s dwindled this week. I’m thinking that’s a positive sign she’s settling in. I still have 2 dc at home so it’s less obvious she’s not just in her room. I’m struggling to get the food shop right. I’ve learned she drinks a lot of milk and I’m stunned at the difference 5 to 4 makes in terms of food costs.

It's a massive adjustment. It takes time. Different for everyone.

I found it very difficult. Things that helped included making a long list - a bucket list if you like - of things I'd always wanted to do - big and small - and starting to do them. I went on a group holiday to somewhere I'd always wanted to visit, trained for a big sporting challenge and did it, got a pet, learned a new skill, reconnected with some childhood friends.

Don't be shy of making a few plans with him when he comes back between semesters. They can be a bit thoughtless and whizz off to see old friends, leaving you feeling even more alone than when they were gone. But book some time with him to go out for a meal, to the cinema or theatre/comedy/music gig, and to catch up with family.

You've obviously done a great job in sending him out into the world to thrive. It's fine to miss him, but the fact he's having a great time is testament to what a good mum you are.

OP - be proud u have given him roots and wings!
Not easy to be a single mum.xx
Empty nest syndrome is awful - let urself wallow for a bit and then get busy? Plan a visit for half term.?
Face time once a week? It takes the edge off.xx