I'm not quite sure how to formulate my question. DS is wickedly clever but also so much work. We moved abroad when he was 4, DD was born shortly thereafter, and he then started reception. He was always an extremely happy baby and got on well with others at nursery in the UK. But when he started school here, he was bullied and his personality completely changed. He was frequently angry, withdrawn, had toileting accidents, etc. I Felt like I didn't know him anymore. Because of all of the behavioural changes and not doing well in school, we had him assessed (at 6 years) and it was determined he has a massive IQ (>140) and no signs of AdHD or ASD. The terminology they use here is "gifted" and he does tick many of those boxes (very clever, big emotions, sensitive to fairness and justice, wants to know rationale for everything.)
But he's just so much work. He is 8 next week and we can't seem to get on top of the toilet accidents. He's been seen by a paediatrician, physio, and a paediatric urologist. They started him on medication (First for constipation, later for overactive bladder) but it still happens, especailly when he is stressed or overwhelmed, or goes into his head and his mental world. I don't know how to help him anymore. As he gets older and I see the differences between him and DD, I wonder whether there is more going on with his development than just giftedness, but when we talk to professionasl they seem to think it's all within normal age bounds. But I ask myself when would we reconsider assessment? DH is much more patient with him and quite content to not pursue further testing (and I reckon he's right, if I look at the questionnaires I still can't tick enough boxes to get even close to a diganosis) but still he seems so, I don't know, quirky? And I wonder if as he grows older he will actually grow out of some of these things, or whether they will become more pronounced.