Sister pregnant but not engaged, should I be worried?

[Dohraymefar]

My Dsis has just announced her first pregnancy. I am happy for her but worried about her situation.

6 months ago she moved in with her DP of a year and told us she was expecting he’d propose very shortly. Marriage is important to her (he knows this) and we thought they’d get engaged this summer. He hasn’t done so, and now this planned pregnancy announcement but no hint of engagement/wedding. She just looked sad when I brought it up so I quickly changed the subject.

I can’t help worrying that he’s not fully committed to her. He seems to have everything on his own terms. Please tell me I’m wrong and this will all be fine.

Believe it or not it is actually a statutory requirement to re-register. (Legitimacy Act 1976.) Although the fine for failing to do do is a whopping ... wait for it ... £2!
Most people don't bother because they dont know about the Act. I've never known anyone have the fine enforced.

Maybe he wanted to see how they get on living together before proposing?

I can't quite work out if they've been together 1 or 1.5 years, either way its still quite early to be moving in, expecting a proposal/planning for marriage and now being pregnant.

What does marriage do to change anything?..is it a cultural believe or a shallow security?

It provides financial rights and therefore support for rearing the child if the marriage breaks down. If OP's sister is financially self-sufficient and able to support herself an a child, than marriage is not important.

Maybe he wanted to see how they get on living together before proposing?

Whilst deliberately conceiving a planned baby? 😳

You'd think he'd want to see how they get on living together before he even thought about that.

If we hadn't taken our then 3 year old with us when we went to get the marriage licences we wouldn't have known.
The person doing the licences suddenly said "oh does she belong to both of you?" and when we said yes we were then told about the re-registering.
If we'd left her at home they wouldn't have known we had a child together and wouldn't have told us 😂

Completely missed the PLANNED pregnancy part in OPs post!

Well, in that case, they are both responsible for this situation. If the sister is upset about not getting married, then I don't understand why she would think it was a good idea to get pregnant with him

"He hasn’t done so, and now this planned pregnancy announcement but no hint of engagement/wedding."

I'm not blaming anyone, just simply pointing out that if it does happen to be the case he wants to see how they get on living together, he/they should do that before deliberately concieving a baby.

X posted with your edit.

Yes, they're both very much responsible.

I would be worried about her too. If he really cared about her, he would want to protect her financially and legally. If not through marriage this could be done with other contracts, but marriage is cheaper and easier.

In a few years she will likely be one of the many women who post on here, wondering why he still doesn’t want to get married.

She is having a baby now. All you can do is support her as a sister and be there for her if it all falls apart.

I wasn’t mistaken at all, it was very clear what I meant. Go tell someone else how they should word their posts, I’m happy with mine thanks.

You should be worried to death if she isn't financially self supporting, or at least have the qualifications or ability to be self-supporting.

A woman who is having a child with a man to whom she is not married and who is financially supporting her is in an extremely precarious position. Marriage can give certain legal rights to assets and property in the event the marriage breaks down. Being unmarried means you walk away with nothing but child maintenance unless there are jointly owned assets should the man decide he wants to end the relationship.

If she is financially self-supporting and has chosen to have a child with a man she isn't married to I wouldn't worry overmuch. But I'd be sure she knew to keep working and to have a serious discussion with this man about 'who pays for what' when baby comes. Many women find that the man expects them to pay for everything for their child, including childcare.

She should absolutely insist on baby having the same surname as her. This is traditional for unmarried women.

It’s very likely they will get engaged at Christmas or something similar

We can’t know this in order to reassure you , I’m afraid. One of my friends proposed to his now-wife after she became pregnant and was really upset at the prospect of being an unmarried mum - I do think a man who doesn’t do this is either a bit crap or rather malevolent. Do the decent thing, gentlemen!
Seriously, she will need to ensure she keeps working in a professional job if they are not married, as she’ll have little protection financially in case of split if they are not married.

It’s the difference between you being able to plan your life as a family and a household, because the lower earning partner (usually the woman) is protected in case of split as they are entitled to half the marital assets, and you needing to be very, very careful about eg going part time or being a stay at home parent because if you split up and were not married you are entitled to nothing.

Also, if your partner dies and you are not married, you won’t inherit unless they have made a will leaving you everything. If there’s no will their parents or siblings will get their property. Not good if you’re living in their house since you’d be homeless. If they have children they will inherit though.

As long as she gives the baby her surname she’ll be laughing
That seems to be the one thing men care about
”The baby can have your name when we get married” should do the trick