I've reported bullying to the school; do I talk to the parents aswell ?

[Sofadilemma111]

Last night/this morning I have reported bullying to my sons primary school. 2 kids have been punching him/following him/bothering him/calling him fat for a while now, I was not aware of the full story and to this extent until an incident earlier this week.

School seem to be taking it seriously and will speak to the kids involved.

I am wondering whether to have a word with the Mum aswell, or shall I just let the school deal with it ? I dont know her - kids are in the years below my son.

Sign your DS up for martial arts classes. The bullying will stop

Don't approach them first unless you already know them well. They could be batshit crazy and aggressive themselves.

It probably would be the ideal situation if you both happen to be reasonable people and can have a productive discussion and make a plan but the likelihood of this seems fairly small.

No no no, a thousand times no!

Approaching the parent of a bully would be absolutely disastrous. And potentially dangerous both for you and your child. There is a 99% chance that it would make the situation worse, and the school wouldn't thank you, either.

Let them do their job, both in managing the kids' behaviour and in managing the parents.

thanks all ! I understand now I am not to approach the parents and if they approach me , I will say the Im letting the school deal with it

Sadly, in many cases, the bully's behaviour doesn't come out of nowhere which is why talking to the parents is pointless and just lands up with things being turned back on you.

I’ve done both at different times. If you’ve reported to school I wouldn’t talk to the parents like others have said, leave them to sort.

I have spoken to parents once, when I wanted to know their reaction firsthand and not want any details lost in translation. It was very effective (thanks to how well and quickly the parents addressed it). But that was a judgmental call and could have been alot less effective if parents had different personalities!

If I was school, having heard if from you, I’d be frustrated if you were then addressing it with parent while we were trying to resolve.

Intend to not discuss it with the mum.

Son has come out of school today wanting to move schools , again. To be honest , he's never really been settled at this school friendship wise, he's now obviously saying he's definitely not settled due to these children but I feel like having just reported it, we should give the school a chance to sort it ? What would others do in this scenario.

Alternative school is a 5 min walk from us, also a good school, a small Catholic school. Our school is a 10 minute drive on my way to work so both fairly convenient in that way.

How is he is other social situations? Does he have other friends outside of school? Or does he struggle socially generally?

I think I would consider that first. But if he wants to move and hasn’t settled generally that yes I would be leaning towards moving him.

That's my concern is that he's not the best in new social situations, he is quite shy and will most likely let other people make the first move! Which I know going to a new school kids needs an element of confidence themselves
Outside of school he plays with lots of cousins as he's got a few his own age but he's not the kind of child to go to the park and just make friends, if you see what I mean.

I think I would give things a chance to settle down.
Is your son frightened of these two little bullies, or does he just find it uncomfortable that they are singling him out?

Talk to your son, keep him informed that the teachers are aware and are keeping an eye out for any further incidents. He should be encouraged to tell the teacher straight away if anything else is said/done to him....though presumably these lads are younger and not in the same class, so does the bullying happen at playtime?

My own son was bullied for a short time when he started senior school, the bullies were 13, he was 11....and we did have to sort it ourselves because back then, this particular school was useless.

One of the best things we did was to enrol our shy son into private karate classes; They gave him confidence to handle himself IF anyone else bullied him, which thankfully they didn't.
I think any self defence classes are empowering for young kids though, boys and girls alike.