Is it advisable to view a body several weeks after death?

[NotPerfectlyAdverage]

Dhs step mum died around 2.5 weks ago. His dad said the body won't be ready to view until three weeks has passed. By the time the funeral happens it will be five weeks post death. Dh wants to see the body. I have told him to ask the funeral directors if this is good idea. To me, it seems to long since death as other relatives he has seen have been much sooner after death. However his cousin was viewed around 3-4 weeks and I was told they just looked exactly the same but asleep.

I saw a relative 3 weeks after she’d passed. It was nothing like I’d expected, she looked like a waxwork and not herself at all. I’m glad I did it though as I got to say goodbye.

I used to be a funeral arranger. Bodies decompose at different rates and depends on how they're being stored, what the deceased died of and what medications are in their systems. It's quite possible that the deceased could still be in good condition after five weeks, and the funeral director can apply light morticians make up to disguise any slight discolouration.

As you wisely said in your opening post, speak to the funeral arranger/director first. They will advise you honestly whether the deceased is still viewable. Even if they advise no viewing, it's possible to sit quietly with your loved one with a closed coffin, if that gives comfort.

I think this is where funeral directors are invaluable. They give excellent advice. My nephew’s baby died and they were visiting daily. After a few days they were told they could visit, but the coffin would be closed.

I saw a dead body, once. It was awful.
Never again.

When my dad died, the funeral directors asked if I wanted to see him and mum, an ex trauma nurse of many years standing, advised me strongly not to. She said it would look like an empty shell, however well it had been prepared and it would seriously tarnish my last memories of dad particularly as he had been dead a while.
I guess the decision is down to whether you can accept the death without visual proof .

Funeral director strongly advised against at 3 weeks. Perhaps useful to consider if this is the image you want to remember of loved one. Take care of yourselves.

Mum died in the heat wave. FD collected her about 6 hours later. Two weeks had passed before we had a meeting with FD

In that time she had been in cold storage. FD asked did I want to view the body. I decided against embalming. It was 3.5 weeks by the time the funeral happened.

it was agreed mum would be dressed the day before the funeral. I viewed with the lid closed. I spent an hour just talking to Mum and I found it therapeutic. Glad I saw the coffin a day before the funeral. I found that initial look quite difficult and seeing her name on wall ‘Minty’s mum resting in peace’ that notice made me cry

I was with my dad when he died and for a few hours afterwards while waiting for a doctor. He looked terrible and not himself at all. It was a very unpleasant experience and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to view him at the undertakers.

When dm died I wasn't there and I chose not to view her body. I don't regret this at all as I think it would have stayed with me forever and I prefer to remember her as she was.

We are a Irish family so I have, and dh has seen a fair share of dead bodies. He has also found someone dead before. Its the time passed aspect and the fact the body has been in hospital for so long.

I have said to dh that he can still say goodbye sitting with coffin lid on, if the funeral directors think viewing isn't the best idea. That's what I did with my mum as the funeral directors very gently advised me that it wasn't a good idea to view her. A lot of time had passed with my mum and thats at the front of my mind. But dh said he can't accept it unless he sees her.

He's an adult and if that's what he wants to do then let him. With the best will in the world your last post doesn't sound as though you are listening!

It's part of grief, we can't believe someone is really gone, hence the need to see the body, but I was with my DM when she died and at death she looked very peaceful, 10 minutes later she was a shell of herself, she looked as if the most important part of her was gone. If he wants to see her then so be it but he may well regret it

He may well regret it. He may not. But that's a choice only he can make. The OP needs to let him make that decision.

Who would want to view a dead body? How macabre. My dad said it was absolutely the worst, he was young when his dad died and for some reason was told he should view the body, he said it was absolutely awful because that was then how he remembered his dad, he couldn’t get the awful image out of his mind.

I was told to view my mum as soon as possible. I was given the impression that anything beyond a week would not be good. But I guess it depends what they've done and the storage since death.

Think it sounds a shit idea

I remember seeing my grandad about 4 hours after he passed and he looked so awful. He looked dead rather than just asleep if you know what I mean. Made me think that I won’t see someone after death again.

We waited 3 weeks for my dads funeral I was able to see him day before and he looked peaceful. When making arrangements the funeral director told me it may not be possible/advisable to see him they are experienced and would be best placed to make the judgement

I remember my mum and gran going to see my grandad when I was 12. I chose not to. My mum and gran were very stoic, unemotional people but both came out crying. I was glad I didn’t see him.

Ten years ago DH and I went to confirm the ID of his brother who had passed under unexplained circumstances. It was awful.
As others have said the light has gone out and the person looks like an empty shell.

I chose not to see my dad shortly thereafter.

I was with my Dad two hours after he died and he looked like himself except he’d died suddenly (ruptured aneurysm) and one eye was still open. I was very glad I could sit with him and hold his hand but I couldn’t look at his face. It was sad.

When I saw him at the funeral directors,two weeks later, he didn’t quite look like him any more and I was sorry I’d gone. The funeral director said something very interesting to me.

She said people frequently ask ‘does he still look like him?’ (Or her) and she said that they simply couldn’t answer because they’d never known them alive. All they could advise was whether they can be viewed because they look (to the FD) okay/at peace.

I hope your DH gets what he needs and some measure of peace from the viewing.

It's his decision and if he wants to go ahead,I think you have to accept that and support him. If the funeral directors think it's not suitable, they will advise against it.

I cant tell him to not do it, and i wouldn't. I'm not his mum. I just don't think it's a good idea. How would I stop him anyway? I don't think i can be indifferent either but maybe I need to be. If she has started sinking into herself and looks dreadful that's his problem right? I'm sure he will get over it. Eventually.

I’ve made it very clear that I do not want anyone to view my dead body apart from a medical person where necessary. I believe it’s ghoulish and unnecessary. I would hate for anyone to see me at my most vulnerable, and surely being dead is bout as vulnerable as it gets.

Lots of people find it very comforting.

My dad had visited the funeral directors himself,arranged and paid for his own funeral,chose his coffin and spoke regularly with the funeral directors,so they got to know him. That really helped us knowing that they got to know my dad. I know not everyone gets to do this. But yes,be guided by the FDs as they are experts in this xx