Dad has "told fibs" to be allowed home from hospital

[Doubleknow]

He's been in for 10 days after a hip replacement. He's doing OK, but the recovery isn't happening as quickly as he expected. (He's 85).

I've visited most days, but never spoken to a doctor or OT, both he and Mum have full capacity, so all the important conversations have been with them.

He's desperate to come home, but still very frail and not very mobile.

They live in a big house with no downstairs bathroom or bedroom. (I know, but as I said full capacity).

He has "fibbed", his words, to be allowed to come home. He's told them he has a bed downstairs (he means the sofa) and downstairs bathroom (there is a small downstairs loo) and, I strongly suspect, that he has a wonderful daughter nearby who will be at his beck and call!

Mum is elderly and disabled herself, but very stoic and will get on with doing what needs doing, which would include caring for him and the house with only one working leg. They are both determined not to have outside help. Neither has had a bath or shower in months, although they are very particular about being clean, and they don't seem unwashed, so must be doing a decent job.

I will do bits, but I can't offer "care" and in any case they're not expecting that, they just want the hospital to believe it so that he's "allowed" to come home.

I think I just have to leave it and let them struggle, as is their choice, but it seems all wrong.

Are there other options?

Mum's care was provided by the LA and they billed her monthly. They charged a small admin fee but the lower hourly rates and lower minimum call time more than offset the admin charge.

I think the poster is confusing the care assessment with the financial assessment and assuming that if you are above financial thresholds there is no obligation for the LA to provide care. When in fact they are two separate assessments.

See if they will accept a private in home carer.

Yeah that's true. I hope his recovery goes alright.

If you are thinking I am confused you are wrong. The LA contracted the agency on the basis of a needs assessment and mum paid the LA for it on the basis of the financial assessment. I appreciate that not all LAs may operate like this but mum's did. We had the option to contract privately but when mum was only having two 15 visits a day that would have worked out substantially more expensive - £3 more per hour and min charge of 30 minutes per visit. The admin fee was £10 per month which was saved in one day. I'd always recommend asking if this is available because if it is it can save a lot.

In theory. In reality, following the decimation of social care, LAs do a financial assessment, care assessment, OT visit. If you’re over the threshold financially, you pay for your own care and they send you links for care agencies in the borough to organise it yourself. This is my experience across London boroughs and the SE.

Councils simply do not have the resources to be providing care plans to everyone over 80 who needs it, even if they are self-pay.

Nope. You just haven’t grasped that this is not how all councils work.

Many if not most LAs don’t arrange care for self pay. I have not come across one in London/SE.

Idk where you are in the country but you seem to think it’s universal and it’s not.

A local authority cannot simply send someone links and leave them to arrange their own care if the person has been found eligible for support under the Care Act 2014. There is a legal duty after assessment. Once a care needs assessment is completed and a person is found to have eligible needs, the local authority has a legal duty under the Care Act 2014 to provide a formal care and support plan and outline a personal budget.

If a person qualifies for council-funded care, the local authority is responsible for helping decide how those needs are met. They can commission the services directly, provide a direct payment so the person can buy their own care or help broker or arrange the services. If an individual has savings above the capital threshold and is paying for their own care, the local authority must arrange non-residential care and support on their behalf if they request it. Some councils charge an arrangement fee. Simply emailing a list of web links does not satisfy the statutory duty of care planning and advice where an active plan or requested brokerage is required.

Referring to it as ‘fibs’ rather than outright lies makes it sound like c a jolly schoolboy jspe rather than something that us going to cause a lot of inconvenience and expense to others. Utterly selfish.

My aunt broke her hip badly in June. She spent 3 weeks in hospital and then 9 weeks in an NHS residential rehabilitation centre. She is now very recently home, with carers provided three times a day. She has a very elderly husband but would never expect him to provide her care.

If at all possible, you need to impress uon BOTH your parents how selfish they are being.

Him, to her, by expecting her to care for him
Her, to him, for caring more about letting strangers into their home than about his health
And both of them, to you, for putting all this stress and worry on to you, not to mention anything practical/physical you have to do as well

Private care costs substantially more than local authority provision, and live in care is unaffordable for most. OP hasn’t been specific about what their resources are but they would have to be significant to stretch to a private carer.

Absolutely this.

@Doubleknow How are things doing?
Is your dad any more open to getting some mobility aids now he is at home and struggling? Can you use the OT will lend you stuff rather than having to buy it. Sadly the only thing that motivated my dad was "getting something free" because he did not see the problem in someone else putting on his shoes/ lifting him/ helping him go to the toilet as my time was not important

Sorry, Op, not relevant to your predicament, but your posts are making me smile. I've been a home carer for 30+ years, and I know exactly the type of man your father is 😂

In theory. In practice elderly people get a bogstandard care plan printout and some links to local care agencies.

If an elderly person with funds for private care had no family or friends to organise it went back to them and said they couldn’t organise the care themselves, the council may step in to organise it. But all the elderly people I’ve been involved with do have friends and family.

If the council is not funding care, a care assessment from the council is not much use. A private agency is under no legal obligation to follow or replicate the hours, tasks, or provisions outlined by a LA’s assessment. The service agreement is governed entirely by a private commercial contract between the individual and the agency.