What is likely to happen after calling Social Services for eloping?

[Mirrorsandsmoke]

My son is severely autistic and non verbal. He has always tried to escape since he was 5. We locked all the windows and doors to prevent this happening but unfortunately a few years ago, he managed to open the downstairs window security latch and climb out

He had never tried this before and from what we thought we knew, he couldn't open it but he did and was wandering around in a shop. DH went looking for him and he was with one of the teachers. A report was made to SS and we received a call but they were understanding a closed the case a day later.

I cannot believe I am writing this but it has happened again today. I was hoovering in the kitchen. DS was with me but whilst my back was turned he took the keys out the drawer. I asked him to wait in the living room while I finish up. A couple mins later I started calling for him, when there was no answer I walked out of the kitchen and saw the front door wide open

I grabbed my toddler and ran out but I went the opposite way thinking he has headed for his favourite park. In this time, ds crossed a road and was wandering near the shops. As I ran up I saw him stood with some people and thankfully not hurt, a kind lady walked us back home. She told me the other people had called the police so I went back a few times incase they showed up but no one arrived. I have left my name, address and number.

I called Childrens Services / Social Services to explain what had happened and to ask for advice regarding the eloping and also if there is any respite they can offer. They said they'd have to call me back as no one is available currently. They said they don't know if i'll get a call today or even tomorrow.

I have now ordered a key safe, and bought a camera to detect motion in the front garden. Have also positioned the door sensor lower down now and within reach so I can see what setting it is on, it wasnt on the blaring setting (I thought it was) so I didnt realise the door opened. Dh put it high up to avoid ds taking it off.

I was speaking to my neighbor about what happened and she said it was really silly to call SS and invite trouble. She said as it's happened before they can consider removing both children. I hadn't even thought of this, I just wanted some advice from them and also wanted to let them know as soon as it happened, how it happened etc. These are the questions they asked me before.

Now I am stressing over losing my kids. I really don't want them to think we are neglectful. I was so shaken up and needed to tell them what's happened hoping to get some support. Now I feel I have made a mistake by calling

We have never had SS involvement or any concerns apart from DS eloping a few years ago and now this. What is likely to happen?

@stillhiding1990 I don't know how many times I need to apologise.

For what it is worth after it was first pointed out (hours ago now) I googled the definition of elope and it only described the context of lovers.
It was only when I knew to also add in ASD/SEN that it came up with the SEN technical meaning.

It was a case of not knowing what i didn't know. I have apologised. Can we leave it there please?

I was on fb a few days ago watching made up videos where a child escapes
Loads of comments were about the 'elopement' - which i even looked up in case it's an americanism for leaving. It isn't- it still only means running away to get married. Odd that this is the second time I've seen it used incorrectly this week. Where has this come from? I'm glad you also noticed this. Do you think AI uses it incorrectly?

No. If you read the whole thread, it turns out there is an additional, mainly SEN specific meaning of the word.

Absconding is the word you’re looking for rather than eloping

and agree hopefully this will lead to support for you, they will realise it’s because of his needs.

My Son used to do this daily from school and then did it from home and ended up locked in the back of a riot van for assaulting a police officer at 6 years old. I was so completely on my knees and suicidal by that point I BEGGED social services to take him but they wouldn’t. SS will not take children until they are left with absolutely no other choice.

Screenshot shows use of ‘elope’ in the context of a vulnerable person leaving care, in a journal article from 1967.
Also Google results from a search for ‘meanings of elope’.

I think anyone who says they were confused is not being honest. You could replace the word ‘elope’ with ‘sausage’ in the OP and fully understand the story. I first heard it used this way a couple of years ago and the usage was obvious.

The situation sounds very difficult and I think you did the right thing OPby contacting SS for advice, though I don’t know how helpful they’ll be unfortunately. The bar for removal is far, far, higher. He is safer with you than in a care setting.

You will be referred to the Children with Disabilities Team who will try to help you, eloping is hard though, lots of children do this, they will have some support or advice.

It's would cost social services a small fortune to take them into care. I really wouldn't panic.

However, if they do get in touch I would use the opportunity to see if you can get any more support as this sounds like an incredibly tough situation

I was confused until I’d read most of the OP.

Not least because if I thought a non verbal Autistic person had eloped it would be a serious safeguarding concern. Not if the parents but the “partner” of the eloped.

But Op SS won’t do much but do ask them for help - sometimes a social worker asking can just open a door. And they also may know of resources you don’t.
Thete isn’t the money to take children into care unless necessary

SS should refer you for an OT assessment - if they don’t ask.

Ask for a Child in need assessment - every child and family with send is entitled to a SW and a CIN plan. You may need to point this out to them - let them know what you’re talking about. This is also your access to respite and SEND playschemes.

Your children won’t be taken away because you are doing what you can to keep them safe. You just need help and support to do that as your DS is an escape artist (and a pretty excellent one by all accounts 😂)

I work in SEND Ed. This happens far more often than you’d realise.

Ah, I had an eloper too. I ended up having a key around my neck at all times. She would run off, looking for swings in other people’s gardens. Or she would try and get into the neighbour’s houses so that she could try out their beds 😂 I call her Goldilocks lol.

I really wouldn’t worry about having your children removed - this is such a common issue amongst severely autistic kids.

Have you read Charlotte Moore’s book ‘George and Sam’? They had an obsession with Oast houses and would elope there.

I have something of the same problem but in a different setting. DH has dementia. It has not happened often, but on a couple of occasions he has got out and gone for a wonder. Authorities are aware and one of the reasons is that there is a process for alerting them to the risk. So that if DH turns up somewhere confused the Police or other authorities might know who he is and act to return him. I understand how worrying this can be, but SS will help and certainly not remove children. At this stage it might be overkill, but you can get trackers which will provide an alarm if he leaves the house and grounds. Also think about secondary security. Locking gates as well as doors perhaps?

Wow. Thank you all so much for all the support and advice! I appreciate it! I feel so much more reassured now knowing I did the right thing.

If SS return my call, I will be asking for Children in need assessment and for any other support they can give to our family.

I am also looking into trackers and wristbands. The key safe is arriving today so that will be set up straight away. I hope to never have this happen again. What an awful day. Thank you all for your replies!

Peak MN that this thread has become about the meaning of the word elopement.

We’ve got a runner, absconder, eloper - whatever you want to call him.

He just loves being outside, and has absolutely no understanding of why he shouldn’t be unattended when he fancies an aimless wander. He also “flees” in crisis, on holiday last year he bolted directly into a road.

We hide the keys, we’ve also got a deadlock on the front door that he can’t reach, so the worst he’d be able to do if he did find keys, is go in the completely secure garden. The windows are all locked, always, and we’ve got a camera in his room.

We were under social services early help last year, and at no point did they even consider removing him from parents who evidently cared for him. They gave us strategies, support, and some limited respite.

They’re not always the enemy, so try not to catastrophize that they’re going to take your children - they’ll hopefully offer you some help.

This happens all the time. Police often find missing children before their parents have even realised they were gone. I know someone who was woken by the police banging in their door at 630 in the morning with their 4 yr old. The only thing they will be concerned about is how it happened and whether you have taken steps to minimise it happening again. As there actually was no police involvement you might not even get a follow up call. If you do they will not remove either of your children.

Your neighbour is being ridiculous and sounds like someone who assumes SS main aim is to take away people’s DCs without cause. Being a flight risk is really common with autistic kids. SS can hopefully support you to manage this. Don’t worry.

The full definition includes running away.

Hi OP. I just wanted to say do not be hard on yourself. You are clearly a great mum and your DS is fine. Even better he has you in his corner which is worth a lot.

He didn’t elope. He escaped.

Tell me you didn’t bother to read the thread 🙄

I have a friend whose severely autistic child ran away after school into a forest when he was 6 or 7ish (the father - who also has some additional needs and mild physical disabilities ran after - but lost sight of him). The child was lost all night in the forest and found the next morning (building a tower out of stones). And even in that case, they didn't take the kids away, although they did implement lots of measures like trackers and a bunch of other safety measures - the parents engaged with the support that was on offer and SS treated them as basically good parents in need of a lot of extra support.