How does this Mumsnet thingy function

[ThisWiseRobin]

I'm fairly new on here and something has me scratching my head.
An individual comes on here with a AIBU etc.
They state their case and then often seem to just drop off the radar.
Hundreds and hundreds of replies are posted, some really dumb, some clever and well thought out.
But it seems like a sort of black hole where everyone just says their piece and moves on.
Few comment on other posts and often the original poster never comments.
500+ bits of advice and not so much as a squeak.
Surely there cones a point where is simply nothing left to say that has not already been said. Why waste your time commenting when no one is taking a blind bit of notice.
Ps. I read most of the postings on here just to make myself feel I am not alone in life's frustrations, but we are really when the conversation turns one sided.

Ha.

This is called NRTFT (Not Reading The Fucking Thread).

There are a lot of people who just read the opening post, make their comment & leave it at that. They’re not bothered how many posts there are before theirs, how many times people have probably said the same thing already, or whether things have moved on since the OP first posted.

If a thread has gone on for several pages & the OP hasn’t been back it’s probably not worth posting on.

One thing to remember is that there are quite a lot of people whose hobby is to start a thread on here about some fairly dramatic family or health scenario (usually a complete pack of lies) or on some contentious topic such as immigration, the trans debate, or benefits, all to get people stirred up.

Many of those threads are started by trolls for shits and giggles.

Just ignore it all and carry on with your day.

You're better off sticking to the specific topics you're interested in. They're much less contentious and some of them, e.g. the one about Premium Bonds, is an absolute delight

I've found so many good books from the What We're Reading threads and brilliant advice on the Secondary School threads

Reddit can be more ‘conversational’ in that sense, but the style here is not.

I find that the threads I’m interested in split into two groups - the type where something is happening and there’s a resolution eg the woman who had the neighbours dog as an emergency then had to leave to go on holiday, and the other type is more ongoing for as long as people are posting eg ‘recommend me a book/film for when I’m feeling sad/lonely’. The first type - it gets to a point after the first few points have been made where you can just look for the OPs replies to see what happened to the dog. The second type I sit there with pen and paper writing all the recommendations down and people keep adding to it forever.

And those who don’t come back? Maybe they had an opinion on something that no one liked and they’ve deregistered or changed name.

An individual comes on here with a AIBU etc.
They state their case and then often seem to just drop off the radar.
Hundreds and hundreds of replies are posted, some really dumb, some clever and well thought out.
But it seems like a sort of black hole where everyone just says their piece and moves on.
Few comment on other posts and often the original poster never comments.
500+ bits of advice and not so much as a squeak.

@ThisWiseRobin bit like you then 🤣

It isn't for you to state that a reply is "dumb". Unless they're deliberately trolling, being offensive, or minimising, everyone's say is important.

Some people seem to start loads of threads and never return.

personally I think I’ve been guilty of it occasionally, but sometimes i honestly forget i posted

It would be great to be able to jump through the conversation to certain points. If it gets too long it’s really hard work to read through pages of replies.

Another thing that happens often if somebody starts an AIBU and then the first few replies are so harsh that somebody just doesn’t want to come back because it’s more deliberating to engage / explain your thought process than it is to just leave it completely. There are also cases of weird bot posts but that’s not been proven completely.

You will also get some posters completely derail a thread and go off in a different direction with one or two people just having an argument between them.

A lot of MN is frustrating and largely pointless.

If an OP doesn’t return to a contentious thread I assume they probably weren’t posting in good faith.

Not all Style and Beauty threads are contentious - but I suspect some OPs set complicated challenges with no intention of returning. Which is hard on those posters so genuinely interested in clothes that they fall for it every time and provide quantities of advice and links - with absolutely no response from the OP.

If you want a rewarding thread go straight to the long running one on The Archers. That’s nothing like the experience you describe, @ThisWiseRobin.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts/5559977-archers-thread-201-tempting-fete-in-ambridge-free-entry-to-discuss-the-archers-here?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

A lot of it depends on what you’re interested in, @ThisWiseRobin. You’re more likely to find proper conversations outside AIBU.

and often the original poster never comments.

@ThisWiseRobin are you here? You are the original poster and you’ve not come back.

"and often the original poster never comments."

It's called "plopping" and it's what you've done @ThisWiseRobin

There are also the posters who come back eventually and are a bit cross someone accused them of plopping, and say ‘Some of us work, you know!’ without appearing to think ‘Well, I could have asked my contentious question after I got home from work…’

What do you mean ? I posted this last night late, and could not wait to see if anyone had replied.
I know you are trying to be funny but you missed the mark there.
Still, thanks for replying.

That's just mean. It's the first thing I did this morning was come back on here.

I do also find some of mumsnet dead catty.

I'm here, just not sure why you are being catty about it. I could not wait to get back on here to see the answers and reply.
this is one of the things I do find on this thread is quite a lot of nasty remarks.

Yup, that's pretty much how it works.

Thanks yeah. I do subscribe to Spectator and enjoy the opinions on there.
i found Quora absolutely awful....its like the toilet wall of media messages.
I like a nice chat as much as the rest but sometimes they are just a bit too weird.

Thanks for this. I'm glad someone else gets what I'm thinking.
It's just strange that 900 messages and the original poster has long forgotten what they even posted, and people are carefully posting replies that will never be heared.
There's got to be a better way of spending time.
Like I say I'm new to this, im not sure it suits me.
thanks again.

I meant more that you’d find better conversations on the other Mumsnet boards if you have particular interests.

The replies are not only helpful to the OP, they are also helpful to the other people reading them. It is invaluable reading about different perspectives and experiences. I have learnt a lot on here but have never started a thread.

So even though you think that so many answers might be wasted because the OP hasn't returned, they might be insightful to many others.

You also need:

1. A sense of humour/some resilience not to react like this
2. A sense of honesty/realisation that other users can see when you posted...12.45 yesterday afternoon UK time...so not 8 hpurs before you first reply..over 20 hours

What do you mean ? I posted this last night late, and could not wait to see if anyone had replied.
You could have mentioned this in your OP. It's a bit strange to moan about thread-starters disappearing off ... and then do the exact same yourself. I assumed the thread was a piss-take.

That's it though isn't it, we don't know for sure that the OP is in the UK. It really might've been late where they were and they had work the next day, and/or kids to see to (summer hols). We shouldn't assume it's a thread started in bad faith, to be fair.

We shouldn't assume it's a thread started in bad faith, to be fair.
OTOH if you've been around MN for a while then you tend not to assume good faith either, these days. Sad but true.