Partner twists everything..am I wrong?

[luluxxx]

My partner twists everything and I’m tired and I don’t know if it’s me.
He is a gambler
He can’t /wont stop,I have tried to get him to stop.
Every month he gets paid and transfers me £500 for the bills and £150for food and then he has around £1,400 spare
He gambles every penny.
I spend my money the rest of the month on food etc.
i do everything around the house,he’s never grateful.
I have started selling home made jewellery on Etsy and started making £300 a month and more than anything I enjoy it.
Today we went to Tesco and he handed me £5 note (from the £150 food money in draw )
That’s all was left of it and said “can you top coral up “
I said no,explained that was the last of the food money.
He said okay well you’re not buying any more supplies for Etsy ,if I can’t gamble.
So you can do what you want but I can’t.
He was being horrible to me.
Walking ahead
We got home and he flipped it around.
Saying he was being like this because I’m boring and don’t make him happy,nothing to do with the £5
I started crying,he got his phone out and started filming me saying “this is her,fake crying,look at her ,what I put up with ,dramatics “

I never do anything wrong.
I do all the housework /cook etc
I make extra money on Etsy so we can have nice holidays,days out,meals etc .
I go to town and if I see a nice shirt il get him it.

Im stupid but no more
Ive got money in my bank that he doesn’t know about.
I keep it safe for me and things I want.

So basically he was annoyed I wouldn’t give him gambling money,he’s flipped it (I don’t know what we are even arguing about now ) so I’m tired

Is this me?

Stop handwringing and start living your life. The first step is to dump this arsehole.

Why do you care. He IS doing this. You can stop him quite easily

Get your uncle to help you get him out - it depends on who is on your tenancy

Remember he CAN afford to rent for himself. No matter what guilt trip he throws at you all you are ending is his free ride

It's about you not giving him money to gamble and all the nastiness comes from that, he's as addicted and desperate for his gambling fix as a drug addict is for their next high. He thinks if he's unkind and cold to you then you'll give him money, right now that's all he cares about and he'll screw you over any way he can until that happens.
Talk to your Uncle, get him to evict this man then get on with your life, you'll do so much better without him

Kick this loser out before he drags you down too. And stop trying to figure out why he is like this, it's not worth the headspace. Just. Get. Rid.

Your uncle can help you throw him out then.

honestly when someone shows you who they are, listen. Why have you stayed with him so long?

YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG.

Nothing you do or say is wrong. He is blaming you because he is an abusive gambling addict. He is financially and emotionally abusing you.

Please get help to have your abuser removed from your home.

He is an addict. Gambling will always be more important to him than you are. You deserve so much better.

The OP is being abused emotionally and financially by this man. Whose name on the tenancy doesn't matter when it comes to chucking an aggressive abuser out of his victim's home. The police will get him out if necessary.

Tell him to go

He hates you. That's why he is like this.

Stop paying for him, he is gaslighting you. And for start he should put a fair share towards bills - don’t buy him treats. He can take what he wants out
of his remaining money.

Although to be honest you should chuck out his sorry arse because none of this is on you. He sounds truly awful @luluxxx

Why ask questions that you know the answer to but are prepared to put up with ?
You’ve had excellent advice from many posters on this,(apparently occurring thread ), but you obviously don’t want to finish this relationship.
So your life will continue as it is now.

Well that makes things much easier.

PLEASE Dont have a show down with him right now.

He sounds like he is getting more and more desperate and could get more volatile and blame you. He wants money for his addition and you are refusing. You are the obstacle in the way of him getting his fix. That is a dangerous place to be. Seriously OP.

Logic won't have an impact on him, reasoning won't have an impact on him.

Safety is your priority now.

PLEASE talk to someone in RL.. .and get some support
He sounds more abusive with every post. Of course you are allowed to spend money on food rather than gambling. But why are you focusing on this instead of focusing on getting help to get safely out of this situation.

You must face the fact that he is an abusive addict. A parasite that is feeding his addiction on your income, and not only that he is being abusive to you, eroding your confidence and self esteem to keep you under his control so that you will continue to subsidise him.

Get some help and advice on how to make him leave. Try contacting Womens Aid when he's out or at work. Or look at theirr website. Ask your Uncle for help.

Don't tell him this until you have a plan in place. He sounds so volatile, he might get really angry with you for taking away his meal ticket.

Also when he's out go on Experian or similar and do some credit checks. Check that he's not using your name and address for credit for gambling. If he is report it.
Change your passwords, on your phone and your emails. There's probably a check list of this on MN somewhere. But you need to protect your Money Accounts and your credit rating. If you have a joint account/ joint savings take out whats yours and move it to a new account.

Does he have friends? Relatives he could stay with?
To get him out I'd even offer him £100 if he goes to stay with them for a week... so that at least you don't have to deal with his anger when you refuse him and he would be out of the house.

then you would have space to think and decide what to do next
Edited to add. But only do that if you think he would really go. Because you are currently holding fast and refusing to give in, which is a good boundary. However, if you think he'd leave the house for a week or even a few days.. it would give you a chance to regroup.
Please call a supportive friend or relative for help as well.