How would you prefer to receive difficult news?

[mememyname]

How would you prefer to receive unwelcome news?
Face to face, over the phone or by private message/email?

Here's the scenario, an associate in my industry has just won a contract that I was previously looking after. I wasn't aware I'd lost the contract, so it was all news to me. I actually introduced the associate to said company.

Associate tried to set up a face to face with me to deliver the news (and ask my advice!) I was having the week from hell so declined / tried to postpone giving that as my reason. They then pushed for a phone call and again I put them off till the following week. Finally they private messaged me.
I was shocked and surprised at the news and a little upset at how the whole scenario played out.

Now I've had time to think about it, it would have been even more shocking and upsetting (for me) to have had this played out face to face or in a phone call.

Like when people say they were dumped by text message - yes please, I'd rather not show you my pain and prefer not to lose my composure publicly.

I'm inclined to agree with you. Anything in the way of bad news or criticism I would rather not get verbally or f2f. And at least if it's in writing there's proof and you can go back to it. If there's a conversation you forget exactly what was said and question whether you said the right thing, wished you'd said this instead of that etc.

But I can see this colleague of yours was trying to do the honourable thing. A lot of people feel written contact is somehow shirking responsibility or that you're unwilling to see the person's reaction. When it's something sensitive.

Absolutely agree - I’ve never understood the “At least have the decency to tell them face to face” attitude. I’d much rather receive bad news in writing and in private, so my reaction stays private too and I’ve time to think about how I’ll respond.

I agree with you

Electronic notification rather than face to face for exactly the reasons you say. It should be made clear that a face to face is available though once people have a chance to process and in case they want to ask questions.

Cheeky bugger probably wanted to gloat all over you. Did the customer not tell you they had moved on? That was pretty rude too.

If I'm the bearer of difficult news in the workplace, I always do it face to face, then it's clear that the news has been received. I try to be as kind as possible and offer a follow up afterwards, but am very aware it wouldn't be everyone's chosen route.

It depends on the news in some scenarios I would rather have a message because I could have time to process it and think about my response.
But it depends on the news and who is delivering it and why they are delivering it by email
If it's obvious they are sending a message rather than discussing it with me just to spare themselves that's cowardice

Face to face always. Tone is lost via text.

Did you know what they wanted to discuss when you postponed the meeting, or have a feeling it was bad news?

I’d rather be told by email with the opportunity to discuss in person shortly after. I can keep my immediate reaction private and have time to think about my more public response. It’s hard though because if I’m giving bad news I feel it’s my responsibility to face the person. I guess with bad news there’s no way that will make it easier.

Absolutely face to face. I received work related news similar to this in an email once and I was fuming, I sent back a strongly worded response about how cowardly I thought it was.

They made multiple attempts to inform you in the way that I think the majority of people prefer, so it's not beneficial to focus on the way you prefer to receive the news.

No I didn't know what she wanted to discuss, I thought it was on a completely different topic - a collaboration that we'd tentatively mooted.

The customer didn't tell me, the only reason I know is because of my associate.

I think the customer has not covered themselves in glory here and it particularly stings as I introduced my associate to the customer.

If you look at the responses so far, the majority would prefer not to receive it face to face.

You may not feel it's beneficial and I do. Hence making a thread about it.

But in the scenario OP described shouldn't the client have contacted her first to let her know her contract hadn't been renewed
It seems a very strange way of doing business for the new contractor to deliver that news.
I have been involved in managing and assessing contracts and we would never leave it to a new contractor to tell the old contractor that they had lost the contract.

There's no universal right way or wrong way. They probably wanted to tell you in the way they'd want to be told if it was them.

I think you're correct.

For what it's worth I also think it would have been a difficult conversation for them to engage in so they weren't running away from it.

I’m a bit weird but I prefer it over text. Like I would much rarther be dumped via text so I can have a little rage moment in private. Then I’ll call the person or arrange a face to face to discuss the details. I feel the same in a work context but I’m self employed now so there’s not really anyone to deliver bad news to.

Fave to face.
I hvae no problem being seen expressive or human.

Strange and underhand.
I don't think my associate had all the facts either - ie I don't think she knew I wasn't in the loop. She knew the contract had been mine previously and when the customer approached her she thought, oh that's odd, that's mememyname's contract, I wonder what's going on.

Good for you.

I prefer to put a brave face on in public and save my humiliation for private.

Personally, private message or email. Less pressure to respond immediately than verbally or hide tears etc. In writing, you can respond in your own way. I’ve had job rejections over the phone and face to face and I absolutely hate it. The pressure to remain composed, professional etc, thank them for the opportunity. It’s much easier to compose a fake dignified response later than be forced to do it face-face/verbally.

Exactly my feelings too.

It wouild depend upon whether the bad news required me to do anything that I would prefer not to do. If it arrived by email or text I can always say I didnt see it because the computer/phone filtered it into the spam. By the time I did "happen" to notice it it would probably be too late. Im old (82) so can get off with this kind of weaponised incompetence. Age does have its uses.

ha ha love it!
I'm probably 'old enough' to get away this tactic too

If the contracts manager had got in touch and said we're looking to move in a different direction I would have absolutely understood (associate and I are very different, same field but different specialty) and having spent many years working with this company I could have made some good suggestions - associate would not actually have been one of them, I can think of several other associates who would be a much better fit.
But we'll leave them to find that out for themselves (if I'm correct that is!)