Hysterectomy looming, friend telling me I need to 'man up' because I told her I so worried about the surgery.

[EndlessSeaViews]

Following on from decades of gynae and digestive issues (and basically feeling like a bag of shite all that time), two years ago I discovered I have endometriosis and adenomyosis. I also have a history of poor mental health. I have always tried my hardest to look after myself in the hope of feeling better. I have never smoked, I never drink alcohol, keep my weight down and I exercise. I do all of those things in the hope of reducing my symptoms but I still struggle.

I am now 53, perimenopause has severely exacerbated everything. The last 8 years have no been a fun at all. During this time I have also been helping to care for my mum who is now in the advanced stages of dementia, this in itself is enough to drive me to insanity. I am not saying this for any sympathy but just to give you an idea that my life, like many, has been no fun of late.

Due to my gynae issues I have a hysterectomy coming up in October and because of my stress load and natural anxiety I am at breaking point because I am so terrified of the operation, I have so many fears regarding the op and the recovery and it's genuinely making me feel ill, not helped my the fact I have the world's most unsympathetic gynaecologist (although he is supposed to be a very good endo surgeon so I hold onto that). I do have a lovely female GP though and have booked to see her in a few weeks time.

I have a best friend, we have been friends since primary school, she is very fortunate, she has never had any health issues and never had any operations. She is also very lucky to have guts of iron and can eat whatever she so wishes, she regularly goes abroad and eats whatever she wishes without any tummy woes. I have had IBS and an unruly gut for 30 years and I always have to be so careful what I eat or I will end up unwell for days to weeks which, frankly, makes eating no fun at all. She has never understood this, tells me that I just need to stop overthinking everything and likes to tell me that I am too skinny and just to eat more and things will be ok. She has zero idea what it feels like to have an unruly gut so I just let it go. I don't think she understands the concept of chronic health issues at all, whenever she has any minor health problems she takes a pill or whatever medication, gets better and thinks no more of it.

Anyhow, the nearer my operation gets the more anxious and panicky I am feeling. I saw her the other day and she told me that I am being ridiculous, that she knows so many women who have had hysterectomies and it's a standard/routine operation. The problem is that I don't know anyone who has had this done and so I have no one to talk to or compare notes with as such (I did join some FB groups but they are all full of horror stories which have made things worse for me). She told me to stop over thinking and actually said that I need to 'Man Up!' I laughed it off and diverted the conversation but I felt really upset.

I know that I need to stop stressing but it's easier said than done when you are a worrier and her lack of empathy has really upset me. Am I being silly to feel irked by what she has said to me? She is my oldest friend so I do take onboard what she says to me.

I was also very anxious prior to my surgery a couple of months ago. All went well and I’m feeling great. Just take care of yourself after. Choose some movies or shows you’ve been wanting to watch and hunker down and let yourself heal. Make sure to get up and walk every day. Our bodies are remarkable and they will heal if taken care of. Wishing you peace in the coming months and a successful surgery.

It's stories such as yours which keep me thinking positively about the op, thank you. I will most definitely be looking up all the tips and techniques on how to recover as well as possible.

Thank you.

Did you exercise as much as possible before the op? I do walky dog every day and have a walking pad but I'm wondering if I should up my game before the op to try and get as fit as possible.

I'll do everything I can to make my recovery go as smoothly as is possible.

Thank you so much. I'm buying up lots of books and will catch up on all the TV I've not watched over the summer.

My op is scheduled for October and I'm praying for lots of rain so I won't feel so guilty for sitting around.

My very dear friend had that and was abroad on holiday 6 weeks later,she healed extremely quickly. My DH had a robotic operation 2 years ago and his recovery was remarkably quick, very little bruising doing it via robotic.

Thank you, it’s good to hear other people’s experiences. I do find the FB support groups just that, supportive but they do tend to be full of people with pre-op nerves like myself or the other side which is post-op infections and complications, these scare the life out of me so it’s good to hear the other side - the people who had positive experiences and just getting on with their day to day lives.

May I please ask a question? When people on here talk about taking it very easy at the beginning, does it mean that you were in bed doing nothing but sleeping and taking care not to hurt yourself for 2-3-6 days? Or were you pottering about the house on medical leave and not lifting objects for two weeks?
Thanks a lot.

OP, I wish you all the best with the operation!

From what I gather on the FB support groups most women sleep and rest for at least the first few days and then slowly walk round the house and then a very slow and short walk outside which they will build up over the days and in-between rest as much as possible.

I plan to rest as much as I can and slowly move as in light walking.

Hi OP

I had a robotic hysterectomy in January. I don't regret it one bit. For me, the first day and the third week (not sure why?!) were the worst in terms of being uncomfortable, but I didn't need to take anything stronger than ibuprofen. A few months down the line I forget I had one. The lack of periods is liberating. The other big plus (for me) is not needing to take progesterone. It's a shame your friend wasn't more reassuring. Some people just don't have the ability to put themselves in someone else's shoes. Wish you all the best (you will be fine). X

Personally I did not spend day time in bed at all but for the first few days I pottered around, curled up on the sofa watching TV and then slowly started to build up to moe normal life. Mine was laparoscopic and I was home the same day.

I, at 53, had mine done laparoscopicly at the start of this year due to adenomyosis, fibroids and all the fun stuff that comes with it. Was done during the morning. I was up and about late that afternoon - walking slowly and gingerly - but walking. Home the following day. After a good sleep to make up for lack of in the hospital, I was pottering around, carefully. No heavy lifting though. I spent a little bit of extra time resting on the couch but that was mainly because I was told I had to. Had been signed off work for 6 weeks to recover. Didn't need it. Was back at work after a week (desk job). All my peri symptoms (which included anxiety and depression) have sorted themselves out now and I feel so much better than I have in such a long time.

Your fear is real and valid. And I know all of us saying 'you'll be fine' won't help much with that. But we are here for you and we are supportive of you.

Thank you for your stories, they really help

That is very reassuring, thank you so very much.

I am hoping not to take progesterone as I do seem to react badly to it. Hopefully, oestrogel only will be enough for me to get my life back.

That's very encouraging, I hope and pray my recovery is a gentle and easy going.

My friend was petrified when she had hers a few months ago, she is 55 and had never had a general anaesthetic and was also getting divorced. I made many soothing noises and offered to go over and look after her. I did pop over a few times and make lunch, take her home made soup and watch films with her, I felt very privileged that the poor woman felt comfortable enough to fall asleep while I was sat with her, I joked I was like a companion in a Victorian novel paid to sit and read to a grand dame.

Her recovery was decent, through she put herself back by over doing it, we all told her off for that. Don’t do that.

You will be fine my lovely x

What a wonderful friend you are.

Do you hire yourself out? A kind of dial-a-friend service lol, I'd love to be read to, how comforting.

Just had mine. Still very groggy but happy to update as I go along if helpful.

That's really good to know. I hope you have a very speedy recovery.

Thank you. It’s already better than I expected.
Trapped gas has been the most painful part, and not that painful either, so if you can pack some mint tea bags. I am also being given peppermint water. You might want to have some of that at hand too in case the nurses are busy where you are and cannot remember to give it to you. They would be two cheap things to possibly make a difference.
I was operated on yesterday at 5pm,
out at 6.30ish, dinner at 7.45.
Today they made me walk along the corridor three times, do a flight of stairs, and start with pelvic floor work. So if you want to prep, up your pelvic floor exercises. I downloaded the app to remind me to do them.
Apparently that’s the best way to do what you can to avoid prolapse, though of course prolapse does not have to be something that happens at all.
Can’t think of anything else at the moment,
but ask away in the coming days if helpful.

That’s brilliant, thank you. Glad to hear it’s going well.

I have a long history with IBS so bloating and gas are my middle names lol. Luckily I always have mint tea and peppermint capsules in every draw at home, I’ll make sure I definitely have them in for when I come home.

I will definitely start on my pelvic floor exercises, thank you.

I’m dreading the anaesthetic the most, I’ve only had one GA, about 20 years ago and felt rotten for a good few weeks after. I’m actually terrified of having to have one and being put under, it feels so super scary I know other say they love it as it feels like a great sleep but it terrifies me. I’ve chosen to have all my previous procedures under a local (5 hysteroscopies, surgery to remove uterine polyps, a uterine ablation and 3 colonoscopies), they were all quite painful but it shows just how petrified I am of being put to sleep. I’d happily have the hysterectomy under a local if I could!

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Omg you are a warrior.
Funny you should say that. With my other GA I remember waking up mumbling that I felt sick and needed to vomit. I wasn’t quite there yet but I remember the feeling of really not feeling well. That was only 7 years ago compared to your 20. The anhestesiologist (sp?) told me yesterday that GA is a totally different product these days, not as heavy and much better tolerated in general, so not to worry about previous experiences because they are worlds apart. Perhaps you could try remembering this when you feel overwhelmed?

Thank you. I will definitely keep that in mind. I'll also ask for anti sickness medication as well.

@EndlessSeaViews I've had major abdominal surgery very recently and the anaesthetic was absolutely fine. I had a long chat with the anaesthetist on the day of the op & he gave options and suggestions re pain relief. He asked if I had any worries or concerns or any reactions from previous anaesthetics. E.g. being sick post op would be managed as he would prescribe alternative anti sickness medications that could be given IV. He discussed options for pain relief post op & he was just fabulous. I felt safe, listened to and I felt I had a say in what I wanted.
When I went down to theatre he was there with his colleague (the ODP) who was so lovely & reassuring. I had an epidural first, before going to sleep & the OPD got me to sit on the edge of the trolley with my feet on a little stool, leaning forward towards him. This gave the anaesthetist access to my back. The OPD chap put his hands on my shoulders to support me (and to probably keep me still) which was like a hug. It all felt very safe & appropriate. And that's the last thing I recalled! The next thing I was waking up after the operation! I didn't feel anxious or out of control. Everyone was calm, lovely & chatty.
I've had a few GAs about 10-15 years ago and it all seems very different now. So much more controlled where they anticipate any issues like sickness or pain. The monitoring was more intensive, possibly as a result but I felt very safe and well cared for.
If you are anxious on the day, do tell them as they can give you things to ease it.
Good luck.

Thank you so much for your reply, that is very reassuring. I feel that's all I need, reassuring consultant who could have just helped ease some of my fears, I have no idea why some hospital consultants are so unhelpful.

I had a complete hysterectomy and absolutely don't regret it at all.
I did have a complication for want of a better word that when they sent me home they said to take paracetamol, turns out I am allergic to it, which led to an emergency readmission! But once we sorted that out all was absolutely fine. I spent a couple of days in bed, then maybe a week or two doing very little - sat on the sofa reading/watching tv type stuff. (It would have been less without the paracetamol issue).
I would completely do it again for all the issues that it has solved.