I asked chatgtp to write what I said as I struggle with writing/grammar etc
Approximately three years ago, I went to a pub and became very heavily intoxicated. After leaving the pub, I walked home alone. I have only fragmented memories of what happened during that journey, with significant gaps that I cannot remember.
The first thing I remember is falling over. I then remember a man picking me up and holding me upright while walking with me.
After that, there is a gap in my memory.
The next thing I remember is still walking, but this time two men were holding me upright as we walked. I remember asking them, "What are you going to do to me?" I then looked at the man who had first picked me up after I fell, and I remember him kissing me.
I have a possible memory of saying "no" and trying to get away, but I cannot be certain of this part.
After that, there is another gap in my memory.
My next memory is waking up on the floor of a communal staircase in a block of flats. My belt was missing. My foot was swollen, and I had bruises on my legs. Apart from the missing belt, my clothing appeared to be the same as when I had left the pub.
Since waking up that night, these memories have remained consistent. They have not changed over the past three years, and I have not recovered any additional memories of what happened during the periods I cannot remember.
Although I do not know what happened during the missing periods of time, I have a strong feeling that I may have been sexually assaulted that night. I do not know whether that occurred or, if it did, how far it went. The uncertainty has been extremely difficult to live with.
In the days and weeks after the incident, I felt very vulnerable and depressed. I have continued to be affected by the experience over the past three years. At times, I suddenly relive parts of that night, and they can feel vivid and distressing.
One of the hardest aspects has been feeling that, because I cannot remember exactly what happened, I am not allowed to feel traumatised. However, the uncertainty, the memories I do have, and the lasting emotional impact have continued to affect me for years.