We're both right, I think.

[Linetree]

BF was out training with freinds last night. We are both busy with exercise things most nights, sometimes together, sometimes seperately, so our usual routine is he will call in here afterwards usually at about 9-9:30 and we have a couple of hours together before he goes home.

I like it like that, it means we each get our own time, plus time together and weekends are when we have more time together.

Last night he got delayed (in the pub!) and came straight here without a shower.

In his mind he was only coming for a cuppa and a chat, and it was better to turn up unshowered than late or not at all. I thought it was disrespectful to turn up unwashed.

Fwiw he didn't smell but was clearly in dirty sports kit, and he hadn't been drinking, just chatting in the pub.

I'm genuinely happy if he says he's going to the pub, see you tomorrow, but if he's going to come here he should be presentable?

I think I you are wrong to be honest. Does this relationship have a future? Surely you’ll have to get used to him in an unwashed state if you remain together? He made the effort to come, struggling to see what the issue is.

You sound a bit regimented tbh.

I think it’s more of an effort that he came straight after to be honest!

Wow. He was popping over late at night to your house, not taking you for a date at The Ivy.

Presentable?! What did he say when you said he wasn’t ?

I'm Team BF. He'd already been out at the pub in his "dirty sports kit!" Do you not exchange bodily fluids??

I’m on his side TBH.

You are being unreasonable.

I get back from the stables stinking of horse, haylage and shit so an unwashed state after some exercise would be a walk in the park for DH.

Strange. I don't think I would notice and if I did, I wouldn't care, or would offer him use of the shower or a can of deodorant.

But would go and visit a newish BF like that? One you'd expect a kiss and a cuddle from, if not sex?

Going back to your own home, where presumably you will have a shower at some point is entirely different.

Didn't you offer him to have a shower?

Yes I did and that's what he did, but he wasn't expecting to shower when he got here and he hadn't got clean clothes.

I wouldn't care tbh. I don't even think I'd give it a second thought.

How long have you been together?

I'm not sure how bad it was when he was ok to chat in the pub for some time before coming.

Maybe it's time for him to keep a set of clean clothes at your place?

Of you’ve arranged to see him after exercise, yes sure if it was a first or second date I’d expect effort but at some point you need to transition to more of a comfortable with each other vibe.

this seems a peculiar mixture of you seeing it as a date and him seeing it as popping in

This

YABU. He came to your house, it would be different if you were going out for a meal/ drinks etc.

That's a bit confusing tbh. He usually showers before coming to yours, so must have clean stuff to change into, but this time he "got delayed" at the pub, and had no change of clothes. So if he normally changes, why didn't he have a change of clothes this time?
(Also I'd be grateful that it was the pub furniture he dried off on and not my sofa, although the pub might not be so pleased)

I'm surprised by a lot of these responses!

I think the word "presentable" is throwing a lot of you - Did people miss that he's in his dirty sweaty work out clothes? OP's not expecting him a 3 piece suit and polished shoes, just not literally right from the gym without so much as a once over with a wet wipe!

I went to my BF’s last night on my way home from an activity as needed to kill a couple of hours before picking DC up. I never even thought about the fact I was in workout gear 🤷‍♀️. He still kissed and hugged me!

What do you mean by dirty sports kit, what sport was he playing?
I find my husband attractive and want to get my hands on him even when he's not 'spotless'!

I couldn't get worked up about this.

You sound in the stages where you're always on your best behaviour, and if he stays over, you probably get up at 5am to do a full face of make up.

I hug my partner when he's done a full hour of very advanced spinning at home and he absolutely drips with sweat. I know he'll take a shower in a few minutes.

Carry on like this and I don't think you'll have to worry about him popping round at all.

The delayed at the pub got me
too…

He normally goes home to shower and change