How “easy” do you find life?

[BrushYourHairRightNow]

And what impact do you think that’s had on you?

Our big boss at work is the picture of confidence and happiness. She has said she finds life easy and always has - successful at school, at sports, well loved by a close family, glides through work with a smile and has reached almost the top of a very big corporate. I have no idea if they were well off as kids (she certainly is nowadays) but certainly it seems that stability and love and whatever else has given her a confidence that life is good, that life is there to be enjoyed, that life is easy. Like some kind of emotional privilege.

Of course, you never know what goes on behind closed doors, but I do believe you can kind of tell who are the people with very little adversity and a lot of love and stability.

On the contrary, I look at DH and I - between us our families include at least one narcissist parent, divorced/remarried parents, proximity to sexual abuse, very low income, borderline alcoholism, mental health issues etc etc. I mean nothing really awful has happened, some of it just 80s/90s working class or lower middle class “normality” I guess.

And overall DH and I are “ok”. We live a nice life now, but we have both limited ourselves in different ways, we have both struggled with confidence. So I do wonder what difference it could’ve made if we both had more positive, stable, healthier, happier foundations.

Boss lady obviously grew up with an innate feeling the sky was the limit and everything was simply a fun choice, not a challenging hurdle. She’s lovely too, fab to work with, not arrogant, just holds a quiet reassuring position that everything will be ok and enjoyable at the same time.

Now, it’s a piece of piss. One easy child, loving husband, dream period house, dream jobs, work 3 days a week, do as I please, enjoy ourselves however we want.

But it was hard work getting here.

Not.

had supportive parents but shit physical health and needed operations in my late teens.

I think that some people have so much shit thrown at them that life is not ‘easy’. There is someone that I work who has gone through so much (think cancer, death of spouse, family drama) that I don’t know how they put one foot in front of the other but they cope, deal with and move on.

I also think that it depends on whether you are a glass half full or half empty type of person. I have a friend who is ‘half empty and the smallest thing sends her into a spin - a headache for a couple of days - brain tumour, problem with the boiler - will have to have the entire central heating system ripped out. Living in that constant state of worry makes life difficult all the time.
Some people do seem to have it easy but then I wonder how they will cope when things do get difficult for them.

In theory my life is now easy after many years of struggle. My childhood was spent in poverty , I had stressed angry parents, I was an unwanted pregnancy, the sixth child. I did badly at school (despite being bright), then grew up and became a single parent. I worked in a stressful job whilst trying to bring two kids up. Oh and I had breast cancer.
Then I met my dh who is a high earner, and loves me very much, and I don’t have to work anymore. I should be living it up and loving life! But unfortunately I’m so affected by everything in the past that I never really relax, and I find it hard to be positive about life.

Some people cope with life a lot better than others, so they view their life as easy. That same life may be hard for someone else....it's all in the mind, and there is little people can do to change that.
Having said all that, some people do have it a lot easier than others, but not many go through life without death and illness invading it now and again.

I view my own life as easy, but that could all change tomorrow....who knows?

Not easy- all work related, I’m exhausted and so on my days off am too tired to drive up to see my mum who isn’t amazing health wise. I have 4 kids (and a dog and cat who take over taking up my time when the kids aren’t) and feel like life is just a treadmill (I adore them to bits but I just miss catching a break. Can’t find a new job, no replies to anything I send out except instant rejections)

Not very. I was horrifically bullied from starting primary school to finishing high school, I’ve been in awful relationships, lost my baby, home, and boyfriend all within the same 3 months, our life as a family hasn’t been easy either with a lot of heartache and hard years. I am 30 now and still not married with no children and don’t think I’ll ever have those things. I can’t drive. I try to do nice things for myself but even with wonderful friends and a partner who loves me I feel very lonely and overwhelmed pretty much all the time because of my adhd and autism mixed with anxiety and depression that I’ve obviously had my whole life. I just want to rest. I’m always tired and poorly and run down. I earn less than 30k and I got myself into debt years ago that I’m still getting out of now, thankfully have no more debt and it’s going down month by month. I skint myself paying everything off and trying to go on long walks in the countryside on the trains which cost an arm and a leg, but I hate being stuck in. I feel sad all the time. I grieve a life a thought I’d have most days. I’m just trying to get through the days and I am constantly waiting for the day something good happens. And don’t get me wrong good things do happen, but something life changing sort of good. I’m working towards it and I work very hard. I’ll get there but it’s not been and isn’t easy.

Yes, this. It always reminds me of the lyrics from Sunscreen:

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Ah, that’s shit Octavia64, sorry you’ve been dealt such a crappy hand.
I don’t believe any one has an easy life OP, I’ve yet to meet anyone who has just ‘glided’ through it. Some people definitely have a tougher time than others, but I think we all have trial and tribulations. I’ve had some incredibly tragic and traumatic things happen, but I’ve also been incredibly lucky in having fantastic friends who’ve metaphorically kept me a float when I’ve been close to drowning.
day to day life is alright, like many people finances are my biggest worry at the moment, as my boss has just announced she’s going to retire and wrap up the company. I don’t blame her, and it’s been a brilliant job, but come February 2027 I’m potentially going to be unemployed, and there are absolutely no jobs in my skill set in my area…on the other hand she’s given us plenty of notice, and it’s been a great job, with lovely colleagues so again I’ve been very lucky.

Life was all wonderful until my job was ripped away from me when our team was slashed in half. Now I’m constantly anxious and afraid about the future.

I do not find life easy. Perhaps it is largely because I have anxiety, but... I often feel like I am a cog stuck in a wheel that I don't want to be in. I am naturally suspicious of other people (an abusive parent, bullying and being treated unfavourably for looking visibly "different" will do that to you), and I do not expect to be liked. In fact, it is more surprising when I do make friends with people.

I am lucky in that I have a house that comes with my job in a company which is stable... however, sometimes I do wonder what the purpose of this life is, when I am not happy and positive. Sometimes I wonder if it is my job that is making me ill, as I suffer with regular migraines, and feel like I have no life outside of work... but if I quit my job, I lose my house.

Interesting question, and for me, the answer is not very. I had a privileged upbringing in terms of wealth but have always struggled enormously with anxiety and lack of confidence. It has held me back massively. Now in middle age I’ve finally managed to get a decent job but still struggle hugely with anxiety and social anxiety and just general self-loathing. It’s crippling.

I find life easier than others I’ve come to realise. Yes I have good bits but also shit bits. I have a fairly sunny disposition and I’ve noticed others let the smallest things rock their boat and ruin their day

Life isn’t that hard in the UK in the grand scheme of things

Few extreme weather events - we don’t live on earthquake lines or in the path of cyclones/hurricanes - it never gets too hot or too cold
clean water pipes into homes
a health service that is there even if it’s difficult to navigate and you have a wait sometime
we are free to love who we want consensually
to worship or not
to wear what we want
eat what we want
live free from a society of guns
we have education for our children, access to books, free access to information online
we have radio full of ideas, music, sport
a welfare state to stop you starving
we speak fluently the global language of business and culture
free museums
a wide network of amazing people who run groups, clean spaces, all voluntary
safe electric in our homes with the availability of hundreds of tv options
we have one or two children because we have state pensions and low child mortality
free vaccinations for the vulnerable
private transport, public transport
a relatively free press

we all face loss, we all face disappointment
some are luckier than others has always been

life in the uk is relatively easy - you just have to decide that where you are is enough right now and see what we do have

being down to the science museum this summer, explaining diamond is widespread across the galaxy, but trees, wood, that is rare, we all have the rarest material in the galaxy in our homes, growing near us - that’s just cool

it’s the only life we get as far as we know it’s not always fun or joyous but it’s always worth living

so yes despite our material position, or family circumstances, our groans at world leaders, the astonishment of other humans sometimes, we find life in the UK “easy” (with some problems to solve, environmental, societal, political)

I was bullied at school and still believe people dislike me or think I’m strange and boring. I don’t think that worry will ever leave me (I’m 47).

Very hard, especially since I became a lone parent through widowhood a few years ago. But to be honest, I have always found life inherently hard, even in relatively easy times. Sometimes big things: struggled with friendships, struggled to get my career off the ground after university (and it remains mediocre).

But more than that, I find actually getting through the normal days exhausting, and I always have. Getting out of the door in the morning is hard. Concentrating on work is a big effort. Finding the energy for relationships (of all types) is hard. Struggle to stay on top of the household jobs. Life admin a nightmare, if I have to (for example) phone the insurance company, it drains me for a couple of hours afterwards. I'm mentally shattered by the end of every day.

I've wondered over the past decade if I have ADHD, I certainly have several traits.

I think most people would look at my life now and think I have it easy.

That's most definitely not true, and there are some real hardships and difficulties that I have experienced in my past. Serious stuff, not just the minor ups and downs most people experience. But, I have not let them get in my way, and gone on to make a better life for myself. I think the experiences I have been through have made me stronger, more capable and ultimately more empathic.

But not everyone has the same resilience or abilities to draw on to get through things. So you get some people who experience terrible things, but cope. You get people who don't experience serious things, but have poor coping skills and get overwhelmed by smaller things. Who's to judge who has it easy and who has it hard? It's not always clear cut

I’ve never found life easy….shy as a child, bullied, parents messy divorce, sexually assaulted at 15, horrific birth trauma, 4 miscarriages, cancer…..
these events never leave you despite now being in a good place with stable family, young children, secure job etc.
I might come across as pessimistic but I feel I am just a realist, everything is a battle and if something was to go wrong you can guarantee it would happen to me. People say be more resilient but the fact I’m still here after all the big stuff actually shows I am. I just think some people get a rough hand, just wish I knew why.

Not at the moment been nc with dsis and dm for 3 years due to dsis management of dm money opg have now applied to court of protection to revoke the lpa and dsis has suspended immediately. We’ve had 5 sudden unexpected deaths and my dd has just been diagnosed with PTSD and has needed a lot of support. She still has a job just

Life feels very hard and overwhelming at the moment and ds has just announced he has handed his notice in at work for the 4th time he does have another job but every time he leaves it goes pear shaped hence why he keeps ending back there and I am not sure if they will take him back again so I am feeling a bit anxious about it at the moment as I am financially helping dd out already

really hoping things improve soon as it has been one thing after another for years

I am lucky I have a supportive dh and a good relationship with my adult dc

Yes I think I find life easy. Loving parents and extended family in childhood not super wealthy but enough for bikes and holidays. The most wonderful sister in the world, clever enough to excell academically but can get along with almost anyone. In my youth never struggled to get tbe boys or men I was interested in to be interested in me. 2 easy and straightforward pregnancies and births. Children who were ahead of the curve developmentally and slept well. A supportive husband, a beautiful house a very well paid local job. Life is good.

PP who mentioned it’s about mindset I think has got it.

I guess it’s easier to have positive / coping mindset if you were taught that things would be ok and were surrounded by people who have you the reassurance that they’ve got your back...

Therefore you inherently have a sense of positivity and resilience and then are a) probably less likely to experience shit things in early life at least due to stability and security and b) feel like shit things are more manageable and that you are well-supported through them.

So many people are dealt a shit hand. It’s like the “rich getting richer” stuff. If you’re dealt a good hand, you’re already leaps and bounds ahead because of what the emotional privilege gives you. Get dealt shit hand and it’s the compound effect the other way around.

Ive had a terrible hard life right from the beginning that would destroy most people but I was born an eternal optimist so I just rode the waves and made the best of things.
There is always hope and a way out.

I’m not trying to minimize btw or make out that whether you fund life easy or not is simply a choice.

I guess it’s more musings about the starting point that we all get and how that can shape how we feel about anything and everything along the way.

Watching my middle class friends who still have their parents together with no signs of mental health issues or emotional damage fascinates me. They have infinitely more confidence and positivity and somehow a calmer more reassured outlook on life than DH and I. The ones from poorer or broken homes or ones with a sprinkling of trauma definitely seem to be “struggling” in some way or another.

I guess I’m stating the obvious really. But was just musing earlier today about how wonderful it must feel to just feel purely loved, with no weirdness or instability going on somewhere in the background.

I'm sure it is a mix of mindset and circumstances. I find life easy. I have had hard times (infertility/IVF, parental dementia, redundancy more than once, divorce and single parenthood) but none of these are outside of the boundary of normal hard times. I have coped with all of them and the times in between have been easy and fun. I'm lucky to have great family and friends and especially grateful for my DS.

Very hard.
Kids are uni age, but one is autistic and needs support. Buried 4 grandparents since 2020 including one a few months ago - was caring for them and am broken and overweight. DH has to work long hours and basically fuck himself up. As soon as I solve one problem, 3 more problems come and get me. One of the grandparents buried was a step, so my bio dad is actually alive - a raving narc who has all but destroyed my siblings and never lifted a finger to help anyone with anything. We aren’t going on holiday. We’re using the time for house/life admin and eldest is working in the summer.