How “easy” do you find life?

[BrushYourHairRightNow]

And what impact do you think that’s had on you?

Our big boss at work is the picture of confidence and happiness. She has said she finds life easy and always has - successful at school, at sports, well loved by a close family, glides through work with a smile and has reached almost the top of a very big corporate. I have no idea if they were well off as kids (she certainly is nowadays) but certainly it seems that stability and love and whatever else has given her a confidence that life is good, that life is there to be enjoyed, that life is easy. Like some kind of emotional privilege.

Of course, you never know what goes on behind closed doors, but I do believe you can kind of tell who are the people with very little adversity and a lot of love and stability.

On the contrary, I look at DH and I - between us our families include at least one narcissist parent, divorced/remarried parents, proximity to sexual abuse, very low income, borderline alcoholism, mental health issues etc etc. I mean nothing really awful has happened, some of it just 80s/90s working class or lower middle class “normality” I guess.

And overall DH and I are “ok”. We live a nice life now, but we have both limited ourselves in different ways, we have both struggled with confidence. So I do wonder what difference it could’ve made if we both had more positive, stable, healthier, happier foundations.

Boss lady obviously grew up with an innate feeling the sky was the limit and everything was simply a fun choice, not a challenging hurdle. She’s lovely too, fab to work with, not arrogant, just holds a quiet reassuring position that everything will be ok and enjoyable at the same time.

I think growing up in a home with two clever hardworking parents who loved each other and loved us was a massive advantage and made life inestimably easier.

I also learned a strict moral code and to judge poor behaviour harshly which again makes life very easy - if you know what’s right and what’s wrong it is easy to pick friends (who behave well and treat you well) and a life partner (a decent man.)

On the flip side we had little money and no contacts, and life is inestimably easier now I have used the advantages gained above to make good decisions, stay in work and work hard/work my way up to a good position, never spend without first having saved etc.

So life now is easy but it was hard work involving quite a lot of sacrifice to get here.

I’m finding life extremely hard currently. My DH died last year, my health isn’t good and I feel sad and stressed.

My DH left loads of stuff which I’m slowly getting rid of. Some neighbours came round today and took a load of his tools away. I’m grateful especially as they can donate some of it to a men’s group at their church. I have no use for them and as I’m thinking of moving it’s a good thing. I’ve felt very upset though.

I want to downsize to a bungalow but it’s a headache trying to find something suitable and of course the housing market has ground to a halt.

Echo I am sorry for your sadness . But it’s my point really . À great life can turn into a devastated life in a second .

As a teen I was always laughing and found life easy in spite of a difficult family, poverty, and poor health. In my twenties I was confident and still had the feeling of choice and some entitlements from whiteness and my appearance. In my thirties I noticed life started to get more difficult and not working out like my middle class friends from school or the wealthy people around me, but nothing I couldn’t handle. But in my late thirties I started a decade that has thrown so many things at me one after another that I feel bitter and exhausted. There is so much injustice in the U.K. that it is impossible to be glass half full and I got caught up in it from multiple angles. I feel that people are offensive when they judge others as being pessimistic. On a good day I can see that it has made me a kinder person to understand this from the inside out and hopeful that I can find a way to help others also affected. On a bad day I feel deep rage, jealousy, or a self-pity that is debilitating.

@frozendaisy
I've copied and pasted your post into my "notes" on my phone. To remind me that from a cultural, societal and climate point of view, we have it good.
Thank you for that. It must have taken a while to post but it's an apposite reminder that we largely have it good in the UK.
It's easy to fall into gloom and despair sometimes, and I really appreciate your post.
Thank you x

Always had a good life. Then dc took their own.life. Nothing is the same.

I’ve been thinking about this overnight and I think the key to happiness to me is to live 80% now (I define now as the season I am in), 10% in the past and 10% in the future.
I used to dwell on the past so had counselling, my DH has a tendency to be I the future and I think this stops being fully content with what he has now.

I have adhd and I find life incredibly challenging because of this. However, I tend to struggle with the things that most people find really easy while finding it much easier to do things that others might find difficult. And I'm very good at masking, so on the surface, it might look like I'm sailing through life without much difficulty. Those who know me well know better.

I see the same in my dd. From the outside, it looks like she has a charmed life - she is extremely intelligent, has excellent social skills, lots of friends and a lovely boyfriend, plenty of money, nice hobbies etc. On paper, her life is perfect and she can rise to any challenge. But in reality, she has adhd like me and daily life is undoubtedly a struggle for her.

I don’t know anyone who would describe life as easy. I think she might have some toxic positivity going on. Yes there are times that are good and certainly less difficult than other times. But I think it’s a very strange thing to say. There is only one person I know who will say things like this publicly actually has a lot of shit going on behind closed doors (which I know about but others don’t) and she has this need to project that everything is perfect all the time

I’ve always found life so easy. Huh? It’s not a blood competition

Why’s it a strange thing to say, to acknowledge life doesn’t feel a struggle, it feels really good?

I find life easy. I am known for being cheerful and resilient. I do wonder why some people are so negative and unable ro count their blessings. But it’s just personality.

I have probably had the same or more problems in my life as most people but still see myself as lucky and love life.

Better go off and google toxic positivity so I can be more miserable!

I am the same and I agree.

I had a very traumatic childhood but I always try to adopt a positive attitude because well, whats the alternative?- moaning and complaining and moping about it isnt going to change anything, it's just going to make me feel worse so whats the point? Noone gets to the end of their life, looks back and thinks "damn, I really wish I'd spent more time complaining and thinking negatively".

Victor Frankl's book is a great read regarding this- a holocaust survivor, he said: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response". There is great power in that.

I agree with you OP. Life seems to come easily to me and I think a lot of that is due to a stable upbringing with loving parents and a positive "glass half full" attitude - as well as quite a bit of luck that nothing really terrible has happened to me so far. I have a good life (lovely DH, three fab teenage kids, good friends, enjoy my job, financially comfortable) and I'm happy and content.

Oh absolutely I think acknowledge and enjoy the good times and have gratitude. The thing is I personally think there’s a difference between that vs. making a point of walking around a work environment announcing you find life easy and “always have”

To me, the only person I know who has had an easy life where everything goes their way and always did, is the most toxic person I know. She has always put herself first and been up on a pedestal with her family.
I dont know why, life seems to reward bad behaviour.

I find life easy and enjoyable apart from trying to distance or remove myself from people who want to bring me generalised or personalised negativity. Without these people, and the media, life would be grand.

I don’t think anyone actually says it though, do you?

Ive always felt one of the best things I did was have kids young, I’m just used to my adult years being busy between career and children and just had to run with it. I always remember older colleagues telling me how impressed they were with what I juggled. I’m pushing 40 now and kids are nearly grown, DH are happier than ever and now financially secure. I’m worried about menopause and health deteriorating just generally so that’s my priority atm, all the more reason I’m glad we’ve had chosen younger really.

Probably because her parents were helicopter parents and smoothed everything out for her . People like this just ask for what they want and usually get it . They also see the word no as a personal attack and will eliminate anything or anyone who gets in their way , but usually manipulate and weaponise others into doing it for them .

That is an incredibly powerful message. Xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. @Echointhedarkness 💐

This is a very difficult period in your life.

I’m glad you have supportive people around you to help with the little things, community however it works really makes a difference in the hard times.

To me an easy life is someone who finds life easy, doesn’t get too anxious about queues or when things don’t go to plan for example or always jumps to the worse case scenario in their head. Someone who has the mindset to accept bad things happen in life and to stay positive and carry on.

Lots of people say they are a glass half full kind of person and so resilient, not realising that their glass is in fact overflowing with privilege!

Just as lots of people with masses of privilege can be half empty.

Sure, but if it really was as simple as this, then no privileged, rich people would ever end their lives or get addicted to drugs, or have mental health issues and lots of them do.

Which would indicate that "happiness" isnt an automatic response to privilege.